The following notes represent hemi-sync focus-levels 27 – 42/49. The notes start out slow. If one is bored with it one may skip down to the section called: Encouragement.
d.-
Status: 2/15/21
I haven’t been able to get back since October 2020. As a result I haven’t tried any meditations for a long time. It’s useless.
But now, there’s a new feeling. Is it time to go back? Is it? I have no questions, no idea what may be discussed. As I’ve twice been told, “There is nothing to add”.
Why do I put myself through these pointless mental exercises every damn day?
Status: 4/11/2021
Earth Core 74 deg below horizon1.
There should be excellent seeing conditions, but I still can’t get anywhere. Now however, I do have a question for The Presence of the Light2.
Status: 5/9/21
Note to self: Next time I’m able to get back to the Spirit of Light 3 I must try to speak to It. I didn’t tried to do that in the first encounters, but at this time there’s still no point in doing anything, I can’t get thru.
Someday, someone will call me when They wish to speak to me. I’m just beating my head against the wall.
May 2021
I’ve just found an interesting translation of the Tao Teh Ching by John C. H. Wu; one I’ve never seen before:
Chapter 6:
The Spirit of the Fountain dies not.
It is called the Mysterious Feminine.
The Doorway of the Mysterious Feminine
It is called the Root of Heaven-and-Earth.
Lingering like gossamer, it has only a hint of existence;
And yet when you draw upon it, it is inexhaustible4.
June 2021 (Rio Grande National Forest)
This perplexing failure has been going on for more than half a year now! I did get to the point of being able to stop striving, and then I thought – screw the meditations – so I stopped. I don’t care to make the effort. I don’t even know where I am anymore.
Yet, it’s hard to explain, but…. They are here. In some manner, I recognize it now. I’m becoming more aware of it. I can feel it. None-the-less, regardless what I think for the moment, I can’t make myself even try to go back to meditation. I encounter only the faintest of images. What am I suppose to do with those?
I’m worn out; a leaf tossed on the wind.
Engagement (August 12, 2021)
I have been doing hemisync for a few days now. Don’t ask me why. No results as usual but it does feel good to be back. It feels good to be looking at what I call the blank-slate again.
I’m not accepting the very faint images I encounter, but I think Those That Stand with Me 5 presented slightly today; something about it seemed to persuade me it was actually them, though part of me knows they are always here.
Later today, once in focus-level 42, I was engage by the Presence of the Light and The Teacher. I expressed my problem to Them, or I was complaining about it; this problem of not being able to get through better concerning these very faint images.
Though nearly impossible to perceive the Presence clearly reminded me to be calm, to be patient. There was an uncanny peace when She spoke that I can’t deny. I believed – it was Her. I could feel it.
Feeling confident I had a good connection I proceeded to point out my objection to the overwhelming extent of darkness in the Earth creation. In response The Presence pointed at the Earth and said to me, “There is good there”, and again I knew and felt – it was Her.
Once back in F12 Those That Stand with Me said, “Stay on the path”, but given the gauntlet of trouble, misery, injury, senseless sadistic attacks, the line has been crossed and I angrily retorted, “I will not stay on some path for the sake of some higher purpose if I am to be some pet punching bag for Darkness and I do not accept the suffering thrust upon mankind that results from them not being shown the powers that assail them; not being given clear knowledge of their plight; abandoning them to Darkness’ sadism. I do not accept that for them and I will not accept that for myself either! If Those That Stand with Me do not approve – I release you from your pledge”!
Later that day, back in C1, I understood as if an epiphany: these matters are not the domain of those at the Great Hall. The blame is not Theirs. And again later that day, as if a vision, I saw the leader of Those That Stand with Me standing before me offer a slight bow. I understood they choose to stand with me none-the-less. That is a relief.
I can’t penetrate this. I can’t stand it anymore, the half-in/half-out context.
Come Back: 8/18/21
I remember a couple years ago when I was just beginning to be able to stop striving, to stop, “Striving with incompleteness”, as Tellaidian calls it, that was such an important task at the time. Now, I can’t make myself do anything at all. At least I make myself get out of bed. Thank G-d there’s caffeine.
I started a meditation and thought, this attempt will be futile too. It is completely useless and I gave-up. Nothing will change until the Time arrives and I am utterly exhausted by all this. How many more years must I go through this?
Yet, They – are here. I know it. At times I hear Their words but everything is so far away. It is impossible. I’m told to come back. How many times have I tried to do that and got nowhere and now I’m told to try again?
I was once told there is nothing for me to do. They will bring it forth. Then what exactly am I suppose to do? Come back? How? Whenever I try, I can never get through.
A Portal Opens: (8/25/21)
I was working in the kitchen performing some redundant task of daily drudgery when suddenly, I turned and looking to my right – I could see the future.
It was like looking through the center of some toroidal distortion in the room; looking into its aperture, a few feet across in size, about 4 feet away from me at shoulder level.
I was looking at a great wonder, looking into the wonder of the approaching Golden Age; its relief, and the utter joy of this long awaited reality. It is coming. It is certain. I could see it. I could see its reality was solid – the truth of it.
There was inexpressible joy and an enthusiasm I have not known in years. With that vision there was a sense of peace, a peace I also have not know in a long time. But after several moments of seeing this amazing sight – the portal close. The vision was gone.
WHY? Why let me see it for so brief a moment? Couldn’t I have been allowed to look at it a bit longer?
We wish to be with You: (Oct 2021)
As usual, I’ve quit my meditations. It’s been impossible to get anywhere. But recently I seem to know I should be getting back to this and I admit in the initial meditations it did feel good to be back into this practice. But – again – I still don’t get anywhere.
Today however, during my meditation while in F27 someone at the Great Hall called to me from far away, “We will call you when the Time arrives”, adding, “Come be with Us, We wish to be with you”.
I did consolidate vaguely and briefly with the Presence of the Light (F42/F49+). It was very faint, but at least the message was clear (The contact was while the sidereal seeing conditions were terrible).
During these days and weeks, there’s the daily review of my instructions: “Be calm. Be patient. Trust Us”.
I get the first two instructions, but trust? I ask, trust whom to be what, to do what? I’m reminded of my old roommate’s visit at the last Starlines course when he said to me, “You shouldn’t be asking whether this is real or true. You need to accept this…”.
I go around and around asking myself, what does acceptance mean if I can’t ask whether it’s real or true? I can’t get back at all. It seems so impossible and my memory fades of the old encounters.
How does one accept this?
We will meet you (11/29/21: New Mexico desert)
In this meditation I barely made it to F42+, the Great Hall. The Presence said to me “Come be with Us”. The Teacher added, “We wish to be with you. We will meet you”, but I lost my consolidation falling to F27 or something. Anyway, I was out.
The Elemental: 12/10/21
At the morning smoke I greet all Those that Stand with Me. Those from the Great Hall are with me also; at night too. I know it.
I remind myself each morning to be calm as the smoke burns. I also understand to be patient. I can see that, and then I am forced to consider trust. This I do not understand.
Again, whom do I trust; to be and do what? For what can They be counted on? I find only the daily assault, trouble, obstacles, or worse.
I recognize, it is Those of the Hall I trust – and I trust the Angels. The others however, I’m not sure about.
I practice, just for a moment, allowing myself to accept it – if only for a brief moment. What would that be like? Could I glimpse what that is?
How does one accept that which is not necessarily real or true? Or, is it not yet – real or true – until it becomes; becomes the Time that is to arrive? That is what Those of the Hall and The Ancients have said and so, I accept the matter. It is not yet – until the Time arrives.
Then this morning I had a lucid dream. These are so rare for me. I found many, perhaps a dozen creatures came to stand with me. They were as gold, like those of some mythological creation; these beings, mighty tall elementals, great creatures in stature, both awesome and terrible; commanding, strong and foreboding – of post primal Earth.
There was an understanding conveyed and after this understanding these left while one creature remained. It was a different species of Elemental, not nearly as fearsome as the others. This one said to me it would stay. It explained the others will return.
As I was face to face with this creature, I saw it in the most vivid of realities.
January 6th 2022
I felt Them today – that push into my reality – so this evening I went to F27.
Boy am I rusty. I can’t hardly get thru but then They were here. “We are with you. We will show you the way”, They assured.
—
What is Trust (Jan 10th 2022)
During this morning’s smoke They said, “Come be with Us. We will meet”. So that evening I went to F27; so very rusty.
Once at my SP27 I barely consolidated but I found I was with Them, yet as if They were at a distance.
They elucidated, “Trust – is acceptance of this moment”. I recognized Their soft intrusion of peaceful mind and understood. It was Them.
When I returned to C1 I knew, They are here, but that is in some manner I don’t grasp. This is part of incompleteness.
Are They close like our galaxy’s core; present in theory, in the domain of incomprehensible distances, but beyond the rules of the our known physical world?
The Bald Eagle (Feb 1st, 2022)
What’s this? At the morning smoke a bald eagle appears – here – in the New Mexico desert. It stays. I’ve seen it following days too. Is it staying here?
Does it usher in the Beginning of the coming Time; an Eagle Spirit of the East?
Feb 3rd, 2022
The morning’s smoke: I call to Creation – the many things – the spirits. Greeting all Those who stand with me, and Those I Know in 27. Then I turn my intention to Those – Beyond.
In recent weeks The Great Ones showed me moments of peace. I see it now – and the issues of trust. I also have a new attitude about mankind. The Presence spoke correctly, “There is good there”. I see that now.
But I ask, what crime have all the other creatures on the planet done to deserve this deplorable torment; this foul desecration – this vandalism and extinction?
Encouragement (Feb 4th, 2022)
6:00PM Sgr A: 51 deg below horizon
Morning smoke: Weeks ago we met as They promised and I saw peace; just a brief moment of it – for a few days, everyday – I saw it.
Now, the meditations have been useless for awhile. They are hopeless. I understand I should still meditate even tho whenever I’ve tried, I found nothing. I reason it is at least better than laying on the couch watching PrimeTV – I guess – but I‘ve been wrong before – actually many many times.
This evening I felt this time might be the moment to get myself back into the routine; Earth shielding is good enough, so I used F27 hemisync. I haven’t tried a manual meditation in a long time.
At my affirmation I found I was able to draw energy. Now however, I found it was from within me. I didn’t have to draw it from the Creation around me. I shared this with all Those companions with me, and then I went on.
Once past F15 I was surprised to find I was starting to see the faint light of the LampPost area in the distance. It’s been so long since I’ve had any thought of that place, but as the levels progressed I had to acknowledge – I was drawing closer and closer to the faint park-bench under that light in focus 21. It has been almost 7 years.
Then I detected the Gatekeeper waiting for me there. It was faint, but so surprising; even with this weak signal there was no question, I had to accept this.
I arrived at the bench and sat down with him. Sitting sideways so I would be facing him I said, “Grandfather”. He answered, “Be at peace. You must learn to rest”, and I was startled into the realization that this, is what he has been saying to me for some years now; now, the third time saying exactly this.
As we sat together, concerned I might not see him again for a long time I said, “Grandfather, I wish to thank you for all you’ve done”. He said nothing more. Then he got up and slowly walked away as the hemisync started to proceeded to F23.
Eventually I got to F27. I arrived at my soul-retrieval landing area and was determined to root myself here. I stood up and wondered, should I go to the Crystal Monument; might SaTash be there?
But I was clear about my purpose. All personal matters aside, I need to be with Those of the Great Hall, so I turned away and rooted at my SP27.
At my SP there both was and was not a sense of reality. Part of me easily apprehended it in a way that was new but as I worked at my focus it was clear my natural mind would not produce this place for me. Yet – there it was.
I looked around and called out loudly, “I desire only correct perceptions of valid constructs”! Then I reached out, pushed opened my SP door, and went in.
Inside too, I both was – and was not here [there]. I walked slowly along my table, the window to my left, considering the room carefully, trying to decide what and how I was perceiving all this.
At the end of my table I turned left to stand behind my chair resting my hands on it, wondering about this place and then – I saw someone standing in my open doorway – that light.
This startled and troubled me as I thought, there can’t be anything there. I just got here. I haven’t been able to be here in such a long time. How could anyone or anything be here now? This must be a front-load. There just can’t actually be anything here already.
I studied this image questioning it. Is someone actually there or am I creating this? I struggle with this for awhile. As I studied the figure it struck me that I recognized this familiar feminine petite form but I would not allow myself to accept this. I tried to scrub the image of her – but she was there none-the-less.
This form entered my SP and walked slowly to stand next to the chair that is left of my table-side. She was facing me, just a few feet away. I was conflicted. Who or what is it – and – is it really here?
Then she spoke up to me, “You know me”!6 As I considered her words she added,” You know me – as an administrator… of the Planning Aspect. May I sit?”7. Still struggling with the authenticity of this I answered, “Of course. Please sit”.
When she sat down, I also sat. We were seated together at my rough-cut table. This fair petite figure sat facing the window that was across the table from her. I sat at the head of my table to her right, the window on my right.
Then she reached out, and placing her hand on my folded hands in front of me she said, “You may be at peace. We understand. We know your [worries] concerns [fears] – that all this is slipping away – will prove to be untrue. We understand – but – [so you know ] – this is so”.
Shortly after this moment of assurance she got up and slowly walked out the door. I stood up and turned to look out my window wondering if the energy conduit was here anymore. Was it ever actually here?
I began to charge and something to my right blocked the energy conduct. It challenged, “You are called to account”! Immediately recognizing it I answered,” I will answer to the Great Hall and They will decide what Darkness is allowed but I am through with your lies spread on this planet and when I return I will come to drive you out”, as I brought forth my light form and forcefully dispelled the creature.
I returned to drawing upon the energy conduits. I decided to try using both figuring this was all I’d be able to do but then briefly, out of the distance, the Presence of the Light interlaced as She said to me, “We see you… on Earth. We see your work with Creation for Us; caring for it. [All… ] This is good”, and She faded away.
After a time I returned.
Anosh (Wednesday Feb 16th, 2022)
Sgr A is 84 degrees below the horizon. Near perfect seeing: Solar cycle 25 is presenting itself strongly.
I was about to waste another evening when I remembered to go meditate. I recognized seeing conditions should be very good so for something different I thought I’d go to F42; not really expecting anything.
As I progressed through the focus-levels I saw a young African boy, maybe 10 years old looking at me. This prevailed thru early stage focus-levels. The image would not go away. I realized this was more than just seeing a boy. He was looking right at me, as if seeing me too. I raised my hand to wave hello and he turned quickly and ran away. I guess he really was seeing me. I was impressed by the vision. It was no memory-load nor front-load; simply uncanny, but again – what does it mean?
When I got to F34 I was suddenly gripped by the thought of Anosh. It was so clear for just an instant. I realized it could actually be her in this level, but the contact was gone. Sadly, I dismissed it as a memory-load but why would that pop-up now? I’ve struggled with the reality of Anosh so much, we haven’t see each other in such a long time. How can this be now?
When I got to Alpha Squared I struggled to consolidate at my suite’s doorway; working at this for awhile, thinking I’m not gonna make it. Then I turned and saw Tellaidian at my side looking at me, as if waiting. I was surprised by this. After so many months of not being able to see him, he’s here now? He turned around and headed down the hallway indicating I should follow.
I wondered whether I was really here but followed as he directed. After several steps heading down the hallway I doubted I was truly consolidating but then Tellaidian called back at me saying, “Come. Come”, as if directing me to keep up.
We rounded the hallway corner approaching his lounge and as I entered it – there was Anosh – waiting for me.
Her happiness, it was radiant. Tellaidian stepped aside in his lounge, turned and just looked at us as if he wanted to observe the moment.
Anosh was radiant as she put her arms around me. Atur appeared and he stepped forward to join us as Anosh said with excitement, “We see you on Earth, exerting your power”, as she began to cry, unable to contain herself. Atur smiled more radiantly than I’ve ever seen him smile before. I’ve never seen him like this. He was so thrilled.
They appeared overjoyed as if some key mile-marker had been reached. We stayed together. I held Anosh a long time as she was… I know no human word to describe the state she was in.
Is it true? Is this happening? It’s been over a year since I’ve seen even a hint of Anosh. I’ve been feeling for so long I no longer know who she is. It’s been such a loss; and now – she’s here?
I can’t grasp this. What is truly happening? I seem to know something of what it means for them, for their mission, but only vaguely.
After a long time I had to leave. Now at least I know I don’t need to be worried about Anosh’s well-being. She’s better than ok. Something has becoming complete for her. They know something I don’t or something I can’t grasp or accept. The beginning of the Time, has it arrived? Did the bald eagle herald its Beginning?
For so long I haven’t been able to get back at all; nearly a year and a half. I thought I’d never get back. So much has changed these past several days. I don’t know what to think of it.
My Old Roommate Returns (Friday 2/18/22)
Excellent seeing conditions, but I found nothing. I went to my SP27 to draw energy, but turned to sit in my chair and lay my head down on the table before me. I am so tired. I must rest.
I’m trying to see it, to understand the root of all this, but – it eludes my grasp. There is only the perplexity, daily irritations, and discouragement.
In my next meditation that day I did get to F27 and suddenly my old roommate B stood in front of me, slightly off to my right side. I instantly recognized his vivid familiar smile, as he appeared on Earth. He put his left hand on my right shoulder and said, “You don’t need to be worried Bill”.
Then a moment later, he disappeared and I phased on.
Lucid Dream (March 25th, 2022)
….was that the Pleiadians on their planet I just found myself with, in some kind of civic center? I appeared to be on the second level in a building. It was like a large mall but there were no stores; a small collection of people going on about their business, milling around.
I realized as I stood there in the middle of one large walkway that I had entered the becoming of power with full control – that I was in the Time to come. I considered the possibilities, feeling the potential at my disposal.
I never woke from this dream. I was in the lucid state the whole way back to C1 without waking up; awake the whole time; seamlessly returning here.
We are with You (April 10th, 2020)
It’s been so discouraging. The meditations: I haven’t been able to make myself do them for awhile. There’s no getting back and anything else I do, what does that really achieve? But today I decided to give it another try and this time I did get back to my SP27; such a struggled. And then the Presence of the Light was distantly there.
“Come be with Us”, She said, and I found myself weakly consolidating on the top step of the Great Hall’s staircase. I said to Her, “Wisely you sent me [to Earth]”, but She offered no reply.
After a pause I continued, “I am not as I should be: [being] of this place. I am ill-tempered and I have said all the words I know there. I don’t know what else to say”.
“Call them”, She answered, “They will come to you”. And I understood what to do. I see the way now. She went on to reminded me of the fundamental truth: They are with me and I am with Them. But then – I am so tired. How to have that peace I am told I may have?
Then She spoke up, repeating Herself to make sure I understood, “We are with you. You are Our own”.
I struggled w/ my consolidation as She repeated, “ WE are with you”, and as I tried to apprehend Her more fully, my mind was pulled away, redirecting me to the time She said to me, “I am with your – now”. That was in the Rio Grand Head Waters, when She sent the osprey to circle me 3 times, and again on the 3rd day, sending the osprey to circle 3 times yet again. But what does 333 mean8?
Then my mind returned and She repeated maybe 3 more times (I didn’t count), “We are with you”, and each time She spoke, it was like something was forcefully thrust into me, pressing me down, pushing me into the ground as it dawned on me, She is speaking to me – now [now, I know it].
In time I left, returning slowly thru the focus levels.
Morning smokes: I am more determined and complete.
An Encounter w/ The Planning Guild (April 15th 2022 8:00PM)
(Good seeing conditions Sgr A 54 degrees below the horizon)
I had the energy during this morning’s smoke but though I planned to stick w/ meditations later the day chores and the daily feeling like shit deterred me. I thought there would be yet another opportunity later today for a session but when that time came I was too tired to consider it.
Later again this evening, I was reminded to do a meditation but feeling too tired, I concluded no one would be there anyway so I decided to skip it.
Then after a few moments I wondered whether something was tugging at me now. I questioned that. Is something really tugging at me? I decided, ok I’ll try. It’s really not that hard; just do it, so I went to F27 in a hemi-sync session.
Along the way, as the hemi-sync progressed, I deeply questioned what I was doing. Am I getting anywhere at all?
When I got to 27 I briefly saw a vague face but nothing developed. I thought, that’s different and continued to my SP. Once there I spent some time on my ledge portico struggling – I wasn’t consolidating.
I went inside wondering if I would be contacted by the Great Hall, but no.
After spending a few moments wondering about that I decided to give-up and go back. I must have been wrong. Nothing was calling me.
Turning around to leave I saw the same figure in white I’ve been seeing very faintly in recent F27 meditation attempts. At those times, given how very faint those images were, I gave them no thought. Now however, this apparition stood in my doorway more clearly contrasted by the light and I recognized her semblance.
She seemed familiar as I considered the likeness of the administrator I know from the Planning Aspect and have met many times. That one had always appeared in gray. This figure seemed to be the same species. The more I considered it the more similar this image seemed. Could she be from some other part of [the] Planning [Aspect] I wondered? But the image of this creature was vague enough that I could not outright accept it.
I went thru my usual mental shakedown to determine whether this image was legitimate. I called out, “I desire only correct perceptions of valid constructs. Please clarify/identify yourself”, but there was no reply. I did however get several clear glimpses of this creature’s appearance in the new way of perceiving I seem to be encountering of late in this focus-level.
I had to acknowledge this figure did very much remind me of the administrator I know, but while that figure looks royal or of high rank in some manner I can’t fully explain, this creature appearing in white wore a silver fine wire crown and impressed me as having an even higher stature; almost a glitter of the majestic.
As I gazed at her I briefly glimpsed an expression on her face. She was looking straight at me, as if studying the appearance of some previously unknown animal for the first time; considering me.
After a short attempt at consolidating myself more fully, probing the image of her more carefully, I decided to leave since she gave no reply to my queries but she blocked my doorway.
I paused again questioning my perceptions. Was anything really there? What’s to stop me from going right thru that doorway now? So I said again, “I desire only correct perceptions of valid constructs. Please clarify identify yourself”, and then I determined to proceed straight thru that doorway.
She turn, still standing in my doorway, letting me pass by her as she stepped out the doorway together with me, out onto my portico.
Once we stepped out the doorway together I stopped. She stopped. She was standing on my left and we turned to meet each other – face to face.
I looked at her, now more clearly apprehending this princess-like creature in white. She spoke to me saying, “I am – a friend – of those you know here, and I wish to thank you”.
I answered, “It is a little thing [what] I have done”, but she countered, “[[There is no one else][What you do]] – It is greater than you know”.
I processed what she said. After this brief moment with her, she turned and walking to the far edge of my portico, she disappeared as a vapor.
June-August sometime err other
The morning smoke: I have greater clarity. Yet still, there is nothing to add at this time. The Time is not yet. I wait, and wait more, I guess. At times I can accept this… other times I can’t. Mostly, I can’t.
I feel and know the connection, but the incompleteness is stark. What is this thing in me that needs to call out, but what to say… I don’t know. It’s like a pain inside me. Someday, the Presence of the Light will explain it me more fully.
I consider after all these years of impossible experiences that I am still bound to this exhausting perplexity. A lasting peace… that I do not know; only the daily pains, injuries, broken stuff to fix, trouble, obstacles, and discouragement – all that abounds.
The peace I may have, as I am told, I have not found how to have that. At least I am back in the Rio Grand Head Waters with the aspen, the spruce, and all these small creatures w/ moments of happiness here.
- Refer: Sidereal Time and Psychic Ability
- The Presence of the Light is first encountered in the March 31st 2018 section notes found in the Collection: The Illuminating Light (Mar 2018-April 2018). She is the prominent figure in subsequent collections to The Illuminating Light.
- See What is the Spirit of the Light? 1/10/2020 section notes in: Come Be with Us (November 2019 … )
- To recognize this entity the reader must be familiar with The Presence of the Light starting in the March 31st, 2018 section notes in the The Illuminating Light (Mar 2018-April 2018) and many subsequent Collections
- refer to the May 2019 section notes in: The Long Slog (Feb 2019 – Sept 2019)
- See: Who is the Administrator from The Planning Aspect?
- This administrator was most recently encountered in: Come Be with Us (November 2019 … ).
- It is said the number 3 has been historically considered as the perfect number. It is the number of times: birth, life, death; the beginning, the middle, the end; the past, present, and future – the number of the Divine. The significance is not just that there was a number 3 but also it has perfect geometric, 3 – 3s!