The following notes occurred in focus-levels 27 – 42/49. The notes start out slow. If one is bored with it one may skip down to the section called: Encouragement.
I haven’t been able to get back since October 2020. As a result I haven’t tried any meditations for a long time. It’s useless.
But now, there’s a new feeling. Is it time to go back? Is it? I have no questions, no idea what may be discussed. As I’ve twice been told, “There is nothing to add”.
Why do I put myself through these pointless mental exercises every damn day?
Earth Core 74 deg below horizon1.
There should be excellent seeing conditions, but I still can’t get anywhere. Now however, I do have a question for The Presence of the Light2.
Note to self: Next time I’m able to get back to the Spirit of Light 3 I must try to speak to It. I didn’t tried to do that in the first encounters, but at this time there’s still no point in doing anything, I can’t get thru.
Someday, someone will call me when They wish to speak. I’m just beating my head against the wall.
I’ve just found an interesting translation of the Tao Teh Ching by John C. H. Wu; one I’ve never seen before:
The Spirit of the Fountain dies not.
It is called the Mysterious Feminine.
The Doorway of the Mysterious Feminine
It is called the Root of Heaven-and-Earth.
Lingering like gossamer, it has only a hint of existence;
And yet when you draw upon it, it is inexhaustible4.
June 2021 (Rio Grande National Forest)
This perplexing failure has been going on for more than half a year now! I did get to the point of being able to stop striving, and then I thought – screw the meditations – so I stopped. I don’t care to make the effort. I don’t even know where I am anymore.
Yet, it’s hard to explain, but…. They are here. In some manner, I recognize it now. I’m becoming more aware of it. I can feel it.
None-the-less, regardless what I think for the moment, I can’t make myself even try to go back to meditation. I encounter only the faintest of images. What am I suppose to do with those?
I’m worn out – a dry leaf tossed on the wind.
Engagement (August 12, 2021)
I have been doing hemisync for a few days now. Don’t ask me why. No results as usual but it does feel good to be back. It feels good to be looking at what I call the blank-slate again.
I’m not accepting the very faint images I encounter, but I think Those That Stand with Me 5 presented slightly today; something about it seemed to persuade me it was actually them, though part of me knows they are always here.
Later today, once in focus-level 42, I was engage by the Presence of the Light and The Teacher. I expressed my problem to Them, or I was complaining about it; this problem of not being able to get through better concerning these very faint images.
Though nearly impossible to perceive the Presence reminded me to be calm, to be patient. There was an uncanny peace when She spoke that I can’t deny. I believed – it was Her. I could feel it.
Feeling confident I had a good connection with Her I proceeded to point out my objection to the overwhelming extent of darkness in the Earth creation. In response The Presence pointed at the Earth and said to me, “There is good there”, and again I knew and felt – it was Her.
Once back in F12 Those That Stand with Me said, “Stay on the path”, but given the gauntlet of trouble, misery, injury, senseless sadistic attacks, the line has been crossed and I angrily retorted, “I will not stay on some path for the sake of some higher purpose if I am to be some pet punching bag for Darkness and I do not accept the suffering thrust upon mankind that results from them not being shown the powers that assail them; not being given clear knowledge of their plight; abandoning them to Darkness’ sadism. I do not accept that for them and I will not accept that for myself either! If Those That Stand with Me do not approve – I release you from your pledge”!
Later that day, back in C1, I understood as if an epiphany, that these matters are not the domain of Those at the Great Hall. The blame is not Theirs.
And again later that day, as if a vision, I saw the leader of Those That Stand with Me standing before me offer a slight bow. I understood they choose to stand with me none-the-less. That is a relief.
I can’t penetrate this. I can’t stand it anymore, the half-in/half-out context.
Come Back: 8/18/21
I remember a couple years ago when I was just beginning to be able to stop striving, to stop, “Striving with incompleteness”, as Tellaidian calls it, that was such an important task at the time. Now, I can’t make myself do anything at all. At least I make myself get out of bed. Thank G-d there’s caffeine.
I started a meditation and then thought, this attempt will be futile too. It is completely useless and I gave-up. Nothing will change until the Time arrives and I am utterly exhausted by all this. How many more years must I go through this?
Yet, They – are here. I know it. At times I hear Their words but everything is so far away. It is impossible. I’m told to come back. How many times have I tried to do that and got nowhere and now I’m told to try again?
I was once told there is nothing for me to do. They will bring it forth. Then what exactly am I suppose to now? Come back? How? Whenever I try, I can never get through.
A Portal Opens: (8/25/21)
I was working in the kitchen performing some redundant task of daily drudgery when suddenly, I turned and looking to my right – I could see the future.
It was like looking through the center of some toroidal distortion in the room; looking into its aperture, a few feet across in size, about 4 feet away from me at shoulder level.
I was seeing a great wonder; looking into the wonderment of the approaching Golden Age; its relief and the utter joy of this long awaited reality. It is coming. It is certain. I could see it. I could see its reality was solid – the truth of it.
There was inexpressible joy and an enthusiasm I have not known in years. With that vision there was a sense of peace, a peace I also have not know in a long time. But after several moments of seeing this amazing sight – the portal close. The vision was gone.
WHY? Why let me see it for so brief a moment?! Couldn’t I have been allowed to look at it a bit longer?
We wish to be with You: (Oct 2021)
As usual, I’ve quit my meditations. It’s been impossible to get anywhere. But recently I seem to know I should be getting back to this and I admit in the initial meditations it did feel good to be back into this practice. But – again – I still don’t get anywhere.
Today however, during my meditation while in F27 someone at the Great Hall called to me from far away, “We will call you when the Time arrives”, adding, “Come be with Us, We wish to be with you”.
I did consolidate vaguely and briefly with the Presence of the Light (F42/F49+). It was very faint, but at least the message was clear (The contact was while the sidereal seeing conditions were terrible).
During these days and weeks, there’s the daily review of the instructions: “Be calm. Be patient. Trust Us”.
I get the first two instructions, but trust? I ask, trust whom to be what, to do what? I’m reminded of my old roommate’s visit at the last Starlines course when he said to me, “You shouldn’t be asking whether this is real or true. You need to accept this…”.
I go around and around asking myself, what does acceptance mean if I can’t ask whether it’s real or true? I can’t get back at all. It seems so impossible and my memory fades of the old encounters.
How does one accept this?
We will meet you (11/29/21: New Mexico desert)
In this meditation I barely made it to F42+, the Great Hall. The Presence said to me “Come be with Us”. The Teacher added, “We wish to be with you. We will meet you”, but I lost my consolidation falling to F27 or something. Anyway, I was out.
The Elemental: 12/10/21
At the morning smoke I greet all Those that Stand with Me. Those from the Great Hall are with me also; at night too. I know it.
I remind myself each morning to be calm as the smoke burns. I also understand to be patient. I can see that, and then I am forced to consider trust. This I do not understand.
Again, whom do I trust, to be and do what? For what can They be counted on? I find only the daily assault, trouble, obstacles, or worse.
I recognize it is Those of the Hall that I trust, and I trust Angels. The others however, I’m not sure about.
I practice, just for a moment, allowing myself to accept it – if only for a brief moment. What would that be like? Could I glimpse what that is?
How does one accept that which is not necessarily real or true? Or, is it not yet – real or true – until it becomes; becomes the Time that is to arrive? That is what Those of the Hall and The Ancients have said and so, I accept the matter. It is not yet – not until the Time arrives.
Then this morning I had a lucid dream. These are so rare for me. I found many, perhaps a dozen creatures. They were as gold, like those of some mythological creation. These beings – mighty tall elementals, great creatures in stature, both awesome and terrible, commanding, strong and foreboding, of post primal Earth, they stood around me.
There was an understanding conveyed and after this understanding these left while one creature remained. It was a different species of Elemental, not nearly as fearsome as the others. This one said to me it would stay. It explained the others will return.
As I was face to face with this creature, I saw it in the most vivid of realities.
January 6th 2022
I felt Them today – that push into my reality, so this evening I went to F27.
Boy am I rusty. I can’t hardly get thru but then They were here. “We are with you. We will show you the way”, They assured.
What is Trust (Jan 10th 2022)
During this morning’s smoke They said, “Come be with Us. We will meet”. So that evening I went to F27; very rusty.
Once at my SP27 I barely consolidated but I found I was with Them, yet as if They were at a distance.
They elucidated, “Trust – is acceptance of this moment”. I recognized Their soft intrusion of peaceful mind and understood. It was Them.
When I returned to C1 I knew, They are here, but that is in some manner I don’t grasp. This is part of incompleteness.
Are They close like our galaxy’s core; present in theory, in the domain of incomprehensible distances, beyond the rules of the our known physical world?
The Bald Eagle (Feb 1st, 2022)
What’s this? At the morning smoke a bald eagle appears – here – in the New Mexico desert. It stays. I’ve seen it the following days too. Is it staying here?
Does it usher in the Beginning of the coming Time; an Eagle Spirit of the East?
Feb 3rd, 2022
The morning’s smoke: I call to Creation – the many things – the spirits. Greeting all Those who stand with me, and Those I Know in 27. Then I turn my intention to Those – Beyond.
In recent weeks The Great Ones showed me moments of peace. I see it now – and the issues of trust. I also have a new attitude about mankind. The Presence spoke correctly, “There is good there”. I see that now.
But I ask, what crime have all the other creatures on the planet done to deserve this deplorable torment; this foul desecration; this vandalism and extinction?
Encouragement (Feb 4th, 2022)
6:00PM Sgr A: 51 deg below horizon
Morning smoke: Weeks ago we met as They promised and I saw peace; just a brief moment of it – for a few days, everyday – I saw it.
Now, the meditations have been useless for awhile. They are hopeless. I understand I should still meditate even tho whenever I’ve tried, I found nothing. I reason it is at least better than laying on the couch watching PrimeTV – I guess, but I‘ve been wrong before – actually many many times.
This evening I felt this time might be the moment to get myself back into the routine; Earth shielding is good enough, so I used F27 hemisync. I haven’t tried a manual meditation in a long time.
At my affirmation I found I was able to draw energy. Now however, I found it was from within me. I didn’t have to draw it from the Creation around me. I shared this with all those companions with me, and then I went on.
Once past F15 I was surprised to find I was starting to see the faint light of the LampPost area in the distance. It’s been so long since I’ve had any thought of that place, but as the levels progressed I had to acknowledge – I was drawing closer and closer to the faint park-bench under that light in focus 21. It has been almost 7 years.
Then I detected the Gatekeeper waiting for me there. It was faint, but so surprising; even with this weak signal there was no question, I had to accept this.
I arrived at the bench and sat down with him. Sitting sideways so I would be facing him I said, “Grandfather”. He answered, “Be at peace. You must learn to rest”, and I was startled into the realization that this, is what he has been saying to me for some years now; now, the third time saying exactly this.
As we sat together, concerned I might not see him again for a long time I said, “Grandfather, I wish to thank you for all you’ve done”. He said nothing more. Then he got up and slowly walked away as the hemisync started to proceeded to F23.
Eventually I got to F27. I arrived at my soul-retrieval landing area and was determined to root myself here. I stood up and wondered, should I go to the Crystal Monument; might SaTash be there?
But I was clear about my purpose. All personal matters aside, I need to be with Those of the Great Hall, so I turned away and rooted at my SP27.
At my SP there both was and was not a sense of reality. Part of me easily apprehended it in a way that was new but as I worked at my focus, it was clear my natural mind would not produce this place for me. Yet – there it was.
I looked around and called out loudly, “I desire only correct perceptions of valid constructs”! Then I reached out, pushed opened my SP door, and went in.
Inside too, I both was – and was not here [there]. I walked slowly along my table, the window to my left, considering the room carefully, trying to decide how I was perceiving all this.
At the end of my table I turned left to stand behind my chair resting my hands on it, wondering about this place and then – I saw someone standing in my open doorway – that light.
This startled and troubled me as I thought, there can’t be anything there. I just got here. I haven’t been able to be here in such a long time. How could anyone or anything be here now? This must be a front-load. There just can’t actually be anything here already.
I studied this image questioning it. Is someone actually there or am I creating this? I struggle with this for awhile. As I studied the figure it struck me that I recognized this familiar feminine petite form but I would not allow myself to accept this. I tried to scrub the image of her – but she was there none-the-less.
This form entered my SP and walked slowly to stand next to the chair that is left of my table-side. She was facing me, just a few feet away. I was conflicted. Who or what is it – and – is it really here?
Then she spoke up to me, “You know me”!6 As I considered her words she added,” You know me – as an administrator… of the Planning Aspect. May I sit?”7. Still struggling with the authenticity of this I answered, “Of course. Please sit”.
When she sat down, I also sat. We were seated together at my rough-cut table. This fair petite figure sat facing the window that was across the table from her. I sat at the head of my table to her right, the window on my right.
Then she reached out, and placing her hand on my folded hands in front of me she said, “You may be at peace. We understand. We know your [worries] concerns [fears] – that all this is slipping away – will prove to be untrue. We understand – but – [so you know ] – this is so”.
Shortly after this moment of assurance she got up and slowly walked out the door. I stood up and turned to look out my window wondering if the energy conduit was here anymore. Was it ever actually here?
I began to charge and something to my right blocked the energy conduct. It challenged, “You are called to account”! Immediately recognizing it I answered,” I will answer to the Great Hall and They will decide what Darkness is allowed but I am through with your lies spread on this planet and when I return I will come to drive you out”, as I brought forth my light form and forcefully dispelled the creature.
I returned to drawing upon the energy conduits. I decided to try using both figuring this was all I’d be able to do but then briefly, out of the distance, the Presence of the Light interlaced as She said to me, “We see you… on Earth. We see your work with Creation for Us; caring for it. [All… ] This is good”, and She faded away.
After a time I returned.
Anosh (Wednesday Feb 16th, 2022)
Sgr A is 84 degrees below the horizon. Near perfect seeing: Solar cycle 25 is presenting itself strongly.
I was about to waste another evening when I remembered to go meditate. I recognized seeing conditions should be very good so for something different I thought I’d go to F42; not really expecting anything.
As I progressed through the focus-levels I saw a young African boy, maybe 10 years old looking at me. This prevailed thru early stage focus-levels. The image would not go away. I realized this was more than just seeing a boy. He was looking right at me, as if seeing me too. I raised my hand to wave hello and he turned quickly and ran away. I guess he really was seeing me. I was impressed by the vision. It was no memory-load nor front-load; simply uncanny, but again – what does it mean?
When I got to F34 I was suddenly gripped by the thought of Anosh. It was so clear for just an instant. I realized it could actually be her in this level – but the contact was gone.
Sadly, I dismissed it as a memory-load but why would that pop-up now? I’ve struggled with the reality of Anosh so much, we haven’t see each other in such a long time. How can this be now?
When I got to Alpha Squared I struggled to consolidate at my suite’s doorway; working at this for awhile, thinking I’m not gonna make it. Then I turned and saw Tellaidian at my side looking at me, as if waiting. I was surprised by this. After so many months of not being able to see him, he’s here now? He turned around and headed down the hallway indicating I should follow.
I wondered whether I was really here but followed as he directed. After several steps heading down the hallway I doubted I was truly consolidating but then Tellaidian called back at me saying, “Come. Come”, as if directing me to keep up.
We rounded the hallway corner, approaching his lounge, and then entering it – I found Anosh there waiting for me.
Her happiness, it was radiant. Tellaidian stepped aside in his lounge, turned and just looked at us as if he wanted to observe the moment.
Anosh was radiant as she put her arms around me. Atur appeared and he stepped forward to join us as Anosh said with excitement, “We see you on Earth, exerting your power”, as she began to cry, unable to contain herself. Atur smiled more radiantly than I’ve ever seen him smile before. I’ve never seen him like this. He was so thrilled.
They appeared overjoyed, as if some key mile-marker had been reached. We stayed together. I held Anosh a long time as she was… I know no human word to describe the state she was in.
Is it true? Is this happening? It’s been over a year since I’ve seen even a hint of Anosh. I’ve been feeling for so long I no longer know who she is. It’s been such a loss; and now – she’s here?
I can’t grasp this. What is truly happening? I seem to know something of what it means for them, for their mission, but only vaguely.
After a long time I had to leave. Now at least I know I don’t need to be worried about Anosh’s well-being. She’s better than ok. Something has becoming complete for her. They know something I don’t or something I can’t grasp or accept. The beginning of the Time, has it arrived? Did the bald eagle herald its Beginning?
For so long I haven’t been able to get back at all; nearly a year and a half. I thought I’d never get back. So much has changed these past several days. I don’t know what to think of it.
My Old Roommate Returns (Friday 2/18/22)
Excellent seeing conditions, but I found nothing. I went to my SP27 to draw energy, but turned to sit in my chair and laid my head down on the table before me. I am so tired. I must rest.
I’m trying to see it, to understand the root of all this, but – it eludes my grasp. There is only the perplexity, daily irritations, and discouragement.
In my next meditation that day I did get to F27 and suddenly my old roommate B stood in front of me, slightly off to my right side. I instantly recognized his vivid familiar smile, as he appeared on Earth. He put his left hand on my right shoulder and said, “You don’t need to be worried Bill”.
Then a moment later, he disappeared and I phased on.
Lucid Dream (March 25th, 2022)
….was that the Pleiadians on their planet I just found myself with, in some kind of civic center? I appeared to be on the second level in a building. It was like a large mall but there were no stores. A small collection of people were going on about their business, milling around.
I realized as I stood there in the middle of one large walkway, that I had entered the becoming of power with full control – that I was in the Time to come. I considered the possibilities, feeling the potential at my disposal.
I never woke from this dream. I was in the lucid state the whole way back to C1 without waking up; awake the whole time; seamlessly returning here.
We are with You (April 10th, 2020)
It’s been so discouraging. The meditations: I haven’t been able to make myself do them for awhile. There’s no getting back and anything else I do, what does that really achieve?
But today I decided to give it another try and this time I did get back to my SP27; such a struggled – and then the Presence of the Light was distantly there.
“Come be with Us”, She said, and I found myself weakly consolidating on the top step of the Great Hall’s staircase.
I said to Her, “Wisely you sent me [to Earth]”, but She offered no reply. After a pause I continued, “I am not as I should be: [being] of this place. I am ill-tempered and I have said all the words I know there. I don’t know what else to say”.
“Call them”, She answered, “They will come to you”. And I understood what to do. I see the way now.
She went on to reminded me of the fundamental truth: They are with me and I am with Them, but then – I am so tired. How to have that peace I am told I may have?
Then She spoke up, repeating Herself to make sure I understood, “We are with you. You are Our own”.
I struggled w/ my consolidation as She repeated, “ WE are with you”, and as I tried to apprehend Her more fully, my mind was pulled away, redirecting me to the time She said to me, “I am with your – now”. That was in the Rio Grand Head Waters, when She sent the osprey to circle me 3 times, and again on the 3rd day, sending the osprey to circle 3 times yet again. But what does 333 mean8?
Then my mind returned and She repeated maybe 3 more times (I didn’t count), “We are with you”, and each time as She spoke, it was like something was forcefully thrust into me, pressing me down, pushing, crushing me into the ground as it dawned on me.
She is speaking to me – now [now, I know it].
In time I left, returning slowly thru the focus levels.
Morning smokes: I am more determined and complete.
An Encounter w/ The Planning Guild (April 15th 2022 8:00PM)
(Good seeing conditions Sgr A 54 degrees below the horizon)
I had the energy during this morning’s smoke but though I planned to stick w/ meditations later the day chores and the daily feeling like shit deterred me. I thought there would be yet another opportunity later today for a session but when that time came I was too tired to consider it.
Later again this evening, I was reminded to do a meditation but feeling too tired, I concluded no one would be there anyway so I decided to skip it.
Then after a few moments I wondered whether something was tugging at me now. I questioned that. Is something really tugging at me? I decided, ok I’ll try. It’s really not that hard; just do it, so I went to F27 in a hemi-sync session.
Along the way, as the hemi-sync progressed, I deeply questioned what I was doing. Am I getting anywhere at all?
When I got to 27 I briefly saw a vague face but nothing developed. I thought, that’s different and continued to my SP. Once there I spent some time on my ledge portico struggling. I wasn’t consolidating.
I went inside wondering if I would be contacted by the Great Hall – but no.
After spending a few moments wondering about that I decided to give-up and go back. I must have been wrong. Nothing was calling me.
Turning around to leave I saw the same figure in white I’ve been seeing very faintly in recent F27 meditation attempts. At those times, given how very faint those images were, I gave them no thought. Now however, this apparition stood in my doorway more clearly contrasted by the light and I recognized her semblance.
She seemed familiar as I considered the likeness of the administrator I know from the Planning Aspect and have met many times. That one had always appeared wearing gray. This figure seemed to be the same species. The more I considered it the more similar this image seemed. Could she be from some other part of [the] Planning [Aspect] I wondered? But the image of this creature was vague enough that I could not outright accept it.
I went thru my usual mental shakedown to determine whether this image was legitimate. I called out, “I desire only correct perceptions of valid constructs. Please clarify/identify yourself”, but there was no reply. I did however get several clear glimpses of this creature’s appearance in the new way of perceiving I seem to be encountering of late in this focus-level.
I had to acknowledge this figure did very much remind me of the administrator I know, but while that figure looks royal or of high rank in some manner I can’t fully explain, this creature appearing in white wore a silver fine wire crown and impressed me as having an even higher stature, almost a glitter of the majestic.
As I gazed at her I briefly glimpsed an expression on her face. She was looking straight at me, as if studying the appearance of some previously unknown animal for the first time; considering me.
After a short attempt at consolidating myself more fully, probing the image of her more carefully, I decided to leave since she gave no reply to my queries but she blocked my doorway.
I paused again questioning my perceptions. Was anything really here? What’s to stop me from going right thru that doorway now? So I said again, “I desire only correct perceptions of valid constructs. Please clarify identify yourself”, and then I determined to proceed straight thru that doorway.
She turn, still standing in my doorway, letting me pass by her as she stepped out the doorway together with me, out onto my portico.
Once we stepped out the doorway together I stopped. She stopped. She was standing on my left and we turned to meet each other – face to face.
I looked at her, now more clearly apprehending this princess-like creature in white. She spoke to me saying, “I am – a friend – of those you know here, and I wish to thank you”.
I answered, “It is a little thing [what] I have done”, but she countered, “[[There is no one else][What you do]] – It is greater than you know”.
I processed what she said. After this brief moment with her, she turned and walking to the far edge of my portico, she disappeared as a vapor.
June-August sometime err other
The morning smoke: I have greater clarity. Yet still, there is nothing to add at this time. The Time is not yet. I wait, and wait more. At times I can accept this… other times I can’t. Mostly, I can’t.
I feel and know the connection, but the incompleteness is stark. What is this thing in me that needs to call out, but what to say… I don’t know. It’s like a pain inside me. Someday, the Presence of the Light will explain it to me more fully.
I consider after all these years of impossible experiences that I am still bound to this exhausting perplexity. A lasting peace… that I do not know; only the daily pains, injuries, broken stuff to fix, trouble, obstacles, and discouragement – all that abounds. The peace I may have, as I am told, I have not found how to have that.
At least I am back in the Rio Grand Head Waters with the aspen, the spruce, and all these small creatures w/ moments of happiness here.
August 27th, 2022 Rio Grand Headwaters
I write this now several days since the 27th; haven’t been able to make myself write this down.
Following my QiGong session that day, there was suddenly a strong awareness. “Come be with Us”, I heard. Seeing conditions were terrible that time of day, but I decided to try anyway.
When I entered my session I found energy swirling around me. I haven’t seen anything like this in a long time.
Then Those that Stand with Me seemed to faintly present and we spent a moment together. Following that I headed on.
Beyond that there was nothing notable until I got to my SP in F27. I dug in my heels refusing to allow any sort of memory-load. I waited and nothing was happening, but then I began to see – the Parthenon; brief glimpses, in detailed clarity. I’ve never seen it quite like this before.
The Great Hall was much more immense than I’ve previously perceived it. The staircase, the whole structure, just impressed me like never before. These crisp glimpses came and went as I tried to consolidate. Tho having difficulty, since there was so much energy I remained optimistic and focused. At the time of this writing I don’t remember exactly how I got to the Great Hall’s portico at the top of the grand staircase, but I was there.
Out of the Hall’s depths approached the One who spoke to me at the TMI Lifelines course (2015). I could not contain myself compelled to bring up my problem, saying to Her, “What is this feeling I have”?
“I know the Presence of the Light has explained it to me in simple terms but…. WHAT is this feeling I always have? Why does nothing from it respond to me? Why give me this feeling?”, I blurted out. This One, who said I may call Her Teacher, offered no reply. She just looked at me. I was trouble by that.
Then I thought I sensed the Presence on my left but could not directly perceive Her when, from within the depths of the Hall, there was – Evil.
I knew it. I could feel it. This deeply troubled me. How can this be – here? None-the-less I recognized what it was I knew; I knew this Evil was from among the Twelve Pillars, part of the duality.
I found it utterly offensive and brought forth my light-form. I was surprise by the energy I had but then from my left I heard – “This is not the place for confrontation” – and I immediately withdrew myself as I recognized the Presence of the Light speaking to me. The Evil also instantly withdrew and was gone.
Then the Presence said to me, “Come up here”, and I saw Her standing at the top of the stairs that lead to Her residence porch. I had enough perception of this that I went up to be with Her, stopping just below the top step. She stepped forward and as we met I apprehended the Spirit of the Light just beyond Her, as I’ve seen It before9.
I looked at it and wondered what was transpiring. What does this mean? The Presence stepped down, coming to stand just behind my right shoulder as I faced the Spirit of the Light. She rested Her hand on my right shoulder and whispered to me, “The Spirit of the Light is with you”.
As I gazed outward, taking in the whole scene. I noticed there was a shimmer of light from Her gown. I became confused or doubtful of these events.
What is the true nature of this creature or entity? Is this one an Oracle or is it the Presence Herself?
I realized however, this was doubt getting the better of me. I did not feel conflicted at this time. For some unknown reason I was able to accept this was Her, despite the puzzlement.
Then it’s hazy to me; what happened next. I’m don’t recall how I got back but I remember how I felt when I got back to C1. I felt terribly discouraged. I thought They called me, but then there was no comment on the issues I struggle with everyday? Why add to this perplexity, this puzzlement; about the complete identify of the Presence of the Light? Why do this to me? Why the vague incompleteness?
Following that for a few days I thought, I don’t believe this anymore, but then I would be overwhelmed by a rapid fire of memories flooding my mind that substantiate its truth, as if a force impacted on me. I repeated this exercise, refusing to believe this, and each time I was distinctly pushed back by something.
Why give me this feeling I ask? It doesn’t feel good. It feels like being torn. Why pain me like this? This World: is lost to such grievous miseries. It is – terrible.
— I am skipping some minor personal notes here —
Yesterday morning I could barely make myself do the morning Smoke. This morning I couldn’t even make myself try, tho I did my Qi Gong. Did a couple more meditations and quit. It’s striving.
All one need do is wait and be patient. It is as The Presence said when I asked Her about the truth of this reality, “You have the understandings… It will take time of your life”.
I know I’ll intuitively be drawn back or somehow be led to a meeting They wish. Anyway, these times of quiet do remind me, the previous faint encounters may be accepted after all.
To learn to rest: why make that a mystery? Just tell me how to do that cuz any rest I have is eclipsed by the stark lack of peace. I’m told I may have that, yet where is this elusive quality to be found?
Yes. It’s about waiting. I get that. And I was shown its coming is a certainty. I just need to stay w/ the program and be patient
I continue the daily smoke, calling the Spirits. What am I doing? At times I hear Them remind me – peace. It’s hard to understand the solution.
Today I knew They were here, for the briefest moment I knew. Yet I am not able to become. In that instant, faster than a blink of an eye, I was reminded of the lesson so long ago at Exp 27; the teacher in F27 that showed me how fish live in the water and gather each breathe of life whether it knows it or not. The central purpose faithfully proceeds without one’s notice. Don’t worry.
October 17th, 2022 (Datil)
It hard to make myself meditate. The Earth shielding just isn’t there. Why try?
I go to sleep early and lay in bed thinking, going over the mantra, listening and looking – but how do I “learn to rest in this knowledge”. as the Gatekeeper directs?
“Your shouldn’t be ask whether it’s real or true. You need to accept it”, my friend B said to me. How to resolve the differences in truth, falsehood, perplexity, confliction – thru trust? They have said that is the way this matter is solved.
Suddenly the Presence of the Light was there. I could suddenly see F42, as if looking through a small window, transecting my reality. “Ask”, She said to me from across this distance.
I began to formulate the question, but suddenly – I was there – with my own kind, beyond the Great Hall. Once again among Ancients. I remembered what all this was about.
And in a blink of the eye, I was back — here.
4/8/23 Saturday. Sgr A 74 degrees below the horizon.
Writing now a couple days later; it’s hard to make myself write at all let alone proof this stuff.
I’ve been using hemi-sync to retrain but I can’t get back at all. I just expect I’m not gonna get back for a long time. Fortunately it hasn’t been that long since I have actually been back There. I guess it’s just been a matter of months, not years. I shouldn’t complain.
Then I wondered if the hemi-sync was holding me back. I can’t remember when the last time I did a manual meditation was. Could it be a couple years now? Is it that long?
I’ve just gave up thinking that would work. Is it that I am acting under doubt? Is all the doubt a lie? Is that why hemi-sync meditations don’t work? I don’t need them? So I decided to do a manual meditation that evening when the seeing conditions would be best.
Later in meditation, I made my Affirmation and then Devenoir and the others were there. He smiled and I looked at his face. I was seeing with the new seeing that was happening to me in F27 some time ago; that new quality of perception.
I went to F21 expecting this wouldn’t work, but then – I was there. I could look around at familiar sights, but continued to SP27 tho I couldn’t detect much there.
I called out,”I have been told I may be with You, that higher Your mind – I may have; that I may come be with You, but where are You now?” I pressed my focus outward, Beyond – and then – I was There (F42/49).
I was aware of a large extent, seeing into the Hall. I immediately saw the Teacher, and then I saw the Presence of the Light. They were facing me, fifteenth feet away or so, standing apart.
I looked, clearly seeing Her -the Presence of the Light.
The expression on Her face: so real, so clear. I don’t understand, how can She look at me that way?
I approach Her and looking up to Her I said, “I have been told, peace – I may have; told this many times. But how do I obtain and have that? How do I have the rest I am told to learn”?
She turned away – and I followed Her. She walk away from me entering the Fountain of Light. I continued to follow.
Then She came to stand facing me at what I call the precipice, access to all Universes that She’s told me of.
I came to stand next to Her and began to say, “This is the place…”, but She interrupted me saying – “Ask”.
So I turned to this oblivion of multiverses and calling out I said, “Where is the peace I am told I may have”?
After a pause something in unison spoke, “We will show you”, was all the answer I got, but I was with Them whomever\whatever These are.
It pained me; when I couldn’t get back. It pains me now – that I can.
April 15th, 2023
I went to my SP27 via manual meditation. I was surprise to find I made it to the Great Hall (F42/F49) with little difficulty, as if it was completely normal for me to do this.
I met the Presence of the Light. She looked at me. I walk up to Her. She turned as if to lead me, looking back at me. Then She extended Her hand to take mine and lead me into the inner Hall.
She looked back at me as a mother looks at her young child, leading it. We went Beyond.
Summer: skipping minor thoughts and events.
Late June 2023
Every night before going to sleep I go through the same mantra as I look for Them.
Then I considered trust – and suddenly I’ll got through. I find – peace and rest – in these moments. So clear. Vivid even.
I understand. I don’t need to worry about the meditations. I don’t need to worry at all. They’ll call me as They have in the past many times, when there’s something to convey to me. I’ll know when it’s time to go, and so I find I am becoming a little more at peace each day. What to do now? Wait.
July 2nd 2023 Sangre De Cristo Mtns 7:00PM
I’m writing now on the 3rd of July; I wasn’t able to make myself write down what happened. There is more detail than what I write now. I don’t recall all of that, but here’s what happened in general:
I was doing some stuff like balancing my checkbook; looking forward to being done with that chore when something strongly eclipsed my mind. It was almost like something physically touched me. Over the course of many minutes this happened again strongly, several times. It was as if my day was being redirected, so I decided I would go to meditation that night; to see what’s up.
I haven’t done many meditations these past couple of weeks. The spirit is drained from me it seems, or something gets in the way. I have continued however, my morning smokes for the most-part.
That evening the psychic seeing conditions would be terrible, but I expected there was some reason behind this. When I got settled in for my meditation I was surprised to find – I buzzed with energy. It was slowly circulating around me; like the rotation of some unseen dark atmosphere; its background noise scintillating finely, sticking to me slightly.
That surprised me since I haven’t been doing much Qi Gong for awhile. I can’t make myself produce the effort at doing much of anything of late but, given this energy I wondered what might actually come of this. I had no expectation of what this could lead to.
Through all the focus-levels out to F27 nothing happened. I made announcements along the way that I was under the impression something wanted to see me. Once in F27 I went directly to my SP.
I worked hard at rooting here (there); having a tough time of it; doubting whether I would consolidate at all. But I reminded myself the seeing conditions were terrible so I didn’t worry about this at the time.
I hesitantly entered my SP and found there was a light shining through the window illuminating the table. The rest of the room was dark; immaterial to the moment. I entered, still having a hard time at consolidating. At the end of my table, as I turned to face the view through my window I wondered what could possibly happened, and then I heard, “Come be with Us”!
I recognized this input immediately but was in-confident of my ability to get anywhere.
Again I heard, “Come be with Us”, and I knew it was the Presence of the Light, but still I did not act.
A third time, and this time, I understood Her words were an encouragement that I should try, so when I heard “Come be with Us”, that third time, I made my effort immediately and I weakly consolidated on the Great Hall’s outer portico.
I was just barely here (there) so to speak; a very poor consolidation, but I could see the Presence of the Light approaching me.
I saw Her approving smile; so comforting, so accepting. I asked myself again, how can She… how can this divine entity look at me that way?
I said to Her, “I believe I was called. Is this so”? She answered, “We wish to be with you. We wish you to be with Us”. I wondered whether this was a social visit?
She stepped forward and took my hand. We walked, more like we slowly strolled into the Hall’s inner region. I wondered that She’s never walked this way with me before; previous encounters have always been purpose-driven.
She seemed to be giving me time to look around as best I could, to just be there. I was surprised. There seemed to be no agenda to this meeting other than – being together, being there. It felt like… It felt like I had all the time I could want – to be there.
Then I saw the One who has said I may call Her Teacher approaching. When She arrived She had a private conversation with the Presence that didn’t involve me. When They were done the Teacher turned away and left.
Given the opportunity I turned to the Presence to ask a question I’ve had for a long time. I said, “Some years ago the Wise One invited me to be with Him. He said He would give me clarity, that I should come be with Him. I went back to Him, trying to be with Him other times also, but found nothing or could not get through at all. What was the point in that? Is this just theatre?”
She answered, “You have that clarity [now]. Your clarity is greater than you know”.
Was that an answer I questioned, but at times I admit I do wonder… do I have more clarity now, seeing things truly? Am I seeing futures? How would I know?
She let go of my hand and turned away. I could see She was walking toward the Fountain of Light, so I followed Her. When She entered, I followed Her into the Fountain. I was somehow aware of its extent similar to when She first brought me here. I saw it plainly then, but now only in principle.
When I caught up to Her we stopped at the access to all Universes as She has called it a few times. So I called out to the abyss beyond us, “There are Those who say They are with me, but in my mortal form I have not found Them as I expected”. It (They from the Universes) answered,”WE are also with you; as Those are. You may be at peace”.
I objected, “The First Ones: They gave me Their proof, one beyond question or doubt…. Why don’t you? The words – many words I have heard – are as clouds that bare no rain”.
They answered, “Give up your argument”. I was struck momentarily by that thought. But that was all – all They offered in explanation.
After a moment the Presence turned to leave and so I followed Her. When we got to the Great Hall’s outer portico I left, but it was more like giving up.
How am I suppose to deal with this? That’s all the answer I get?
This afternoon (7/3),
I encountered a golden eagle sitting on a pivot-irrigation system. It looked at me. As I stopped, it began to fly off. I restarted my slow drive down the wash-board gravel road and was surprised to see the eagle was flying parallel to my direction, pacing me, 15 – 20’ up.
After about a half mile I stopped and leaned out my window to look at it. It then commenced circling above my car, maybe just 50 feet up. It just kept circling. I didn’t count how many times. But around and around it circled above me, and after a bit I drove off, not knowing what it meant.
7/6/23 Sangre De Cristo Mtns
I’m was pissed off for a couple days. I was just about ready to say I QUIT, when I felt peace.
I knew it. I could feel it; something reasoned with me, and I realized – I can go back, whenever I want – but, I just can’t make myself do it.
I’m conflicted. What would be the purpose of any attempt? How to focus this new found confidence, without purpose? To have the ability and not be able to make myself try. Fortunately, there no hurry. I feel rested. Relaxed.
- Refer: Sidereal Time and Psychic Ability
- The Presence of the Light is first encountered in the March 31st 2018 section notes found in the Collection: The Illuminating Light (Mar 2018-April 2018). She is the prominent figure in subsequent collections to The Illuminating Light.
- See What is the Spirit of the Light? 1/10/2020 section notes in: Come Be with Us (November 2019 … )
- To recognize this entity the reader must be familiar with The Presence of the Light starting in the March 31st, 2018 section notes in the The Illuminating Light (Mar 2018-April 2018) and many subsequent Collections
- refer to the May 2019 section notes in: The Long Slog (Feb 2019 – Sept 2019)
- See: Who is the Administrator from The Planning Aspect?
- This administrator was most recently encountered in: Come Be with Us (November 2019 … ).
- It is said the number 3 has been historically considered as the perfect number. It is the number of times: birth, life, death; the beginning, the middle, the end; the past, present, and future – the number of the Divine. The significance is not just that there was a number 3 but also it has perfect geometry, 3 – 3s!
- Refer What is the Spirit of the Light (Jan 10, 2020) section notes in: Come Be with Us (November 2019 … )