I haven’t tried any meditations since TMI. I find myself laughing out loud at how absurd this is. I should never have gone back to TMI. It looks like there’s nothing more to discuss. It’s been pretty much stated nothin’s changing anytime soon and now I’m left with this delusion about Anosh1.
Come Be With Us (Nov 8th 2019)
I decided to maintain my meditation routine; at least somewhat. I don’t know that this will yield greater clarity.
Entering my session, after gathering energy for a short bit, I extended myself to all those who stand with me. I extended my field into our bond, but none-the-less everything was opaque to me. No doubt I am quite rusty, but now I am blind. I can’t penetrate any of this at all.
When I got to F27 I realized I had no idea where I was. With difficultly I consolidate in my SP but that too was mostly opaque to me. I worked at consolidating for awhile with only some improvement.
Then something familiar said to me, “We are here”. I clearly detected it for an instant but then where did it go? I called out, “Please increase our distinction or clarify your identity”, but there was no response. Then something dark enveloped me. I could feel it and I knew it wasn’t good as I said to it, “I will only allow that which is true in this contact; any deception, guile, or darkness – leave now – I will not tolerate it”. And it was gone.
After that I thought I could faintly detect Those I Know and inquired, “Who are you for I do not [perceive] know [you]”? “Elohim” was replied as if from a distance and I accepted that it was Them but only briefly. Waiting, something else said to me, “Come be with Us”, and I answer, “I would but in myself I cannot”, and suddenly I was faintly made aware of the Great Hall, but again as if seeing it in the distance.
I questioned whether I could possibly get there as rusty as I am but then I heard, “Come”, and instantly I found myself weakly consolidating on the Hall’s portico. I was with the Presence of the Light and it was so good to be with Her again2.
“You desired to be with me”, She state3. “Yes. Thank you for bringing me here”, I answered. Everything was opaque other than a very faint image of Her. Taking my hand She turned and led me into the Hall’s interior but this too was mostly imperceivable to me. I had no idea where I was except I did know I was with Her and that we were there.
She paused and turning to me She said, “You desire truth”. “Yes. I need it to find balance”, I answered. Then She turned leading me as She stepped into the Fountain of Light4. We did not proceed far. I wasn’t sure what I could do here as She turned to face me and said, “Here is access to all Universes”, as if offering it to me. In response I said, “You had told me I may come here to find answers to my questions”. Answering She said, “Yes. Ask”.
In reply I explained to Her, “I cannot ask. I’ve been willful in my arguments and I have been told that I cannot know now and that the time – has not yet come. My questions would violate those pronouncements. She answered, “It is your name to be willful – William” (William meaning strong willed warrior or determined protector).
I struggled for a long time trying to find something I could ask; any key question that I might get an answer to, but I could find no question that was appropriated for me to ask this place or whatever this place is in contact with.
She looked at me as if waiting and so I said to Her, “It is my desire to know the truth of Anosh”, and the Presence answered, “She is … as you”. “As me”? I asked puzzled. “She is physical, as you are physical – You meet in spirit”, She explained. And I was thankful that at least someone would tell me at least something about this perplexity. It was good to know that Those I meet here support me in whatever way They can. Then the Presence turned to leave the Fountain and we left together.
Stepping out of the Fountain I was able to faintly observe the other figures that I commonly see here. They always stand adjacent to the Fountain; standing as if Greek goddesses in waiting; draped in fine gowns. I turned to the Presence asking, “Who are these? I have met them before; here”. The Presence answered, “These are oracles of the Light. They assist me – as voices – as speaking voices for me, but you – meet me directly without oracle.
I was puzzled why that would be and She immediately answered, “It is your right”. “My right?” I asked incredulously. “It is your birth-right (half-Elohim/half-Ancient)”, She explained. I countered, “I have not earned this right – I am mortal [form – how can this be]”. “You have rejected and have no fear of Darkness. It is your birth-right to be here – with Me. This is your home”, the Presence state factually.
I answered, “You [and others] have shown me much. I am thankful to all Those here”. Then we walked together along the portico looking out over the city which was like a whisper of a perception.
Then the One who I first met during Lifelines, the One that told me of the Great Recovery to come, approached5. It was very good to be with both this entities from Whom I have received so much support and then the Presence vanished.
I turned to this One and as we were together looking over the City I ask Her, “You have said my purpose is largely in the Recovery. Can you tell me when that is”? All She would say was, “It is sooner then you think”.
Once exited to C1 I checked and the galactic core was above the horizon; very poor seeing conditions for me. I guess that makes sense6 but this encounter made an impression on me; that They brought me up to be with Them.
Nov 22nd 2019 8:00 AM (12h 1m LST)
1 hr manual meditation
In recent days I’ve found I continued to be successful stopping myself from striving as soon as I detect it. I’ve also been able to stop myself from allowing any distrust to take hold. But given that, where am I? Now what?
As there was a brief opportunity to get a meditation in before the galactic core would rise above the horizon, I pursued a manual training meditation this morning; not expecting any contacts – likely poor seeing conditions at 13hr LST.
I am continuing my new energy cultivation process early in the meditation session. In this practive rather then gather energy to myself I disperse my energy to all Those with me; a moment of fellowship.
Next I proceeded slowly thru my mnemonics giving special attention to making solid attachment to the respective levels – but encountered nothing. In F21 I called out to Yurael but again there was nothing. I wondered, maybe I’m not actually in F21, maybe I’m not getting anywhere at all, so I began to force myself into the levels as Tellaidian has directed at times.
Then I began to get a faint hint of perception in F21, but I moved on as I thought it was too easy to memory-load in this place. I stayed in F22 for a short while working on relevant targets there.
When I got to F27 I again wondered whether I was really there. I couldn’t tell where I was but then there was a faint image in the distance of the creature that appears to serve as an administrator at the Planning Aspect7. She always impresses me as resembling some elvish-like species; appearing very young and fair in features. She strikes me as being royal in some manner but it’s hard to identify what that is about her. As I studied the image of her I clearly saw that she was looking straight at me. I wondered whether it was actually her and then she extended her arm toward me as she called, “Come”, in an inviting manner, so I proceeded to try and consolidate with her.
When I arrived I found this petite figure facing me wearing a thin cloak-like garment with a hint of some other garment underneath that glittered as if jeweled (a rank or royalty?).
She welcomed me announcing in a golden feminine voice, “It is a joy for us to have your assistance”. I bowed and answered, “I am privileged to do so”. She looked at me for a moment and then softly said, “I wish to show you something. Come”. As she turned I followed and we walked along the Planning Aspect I’ve seen here before in F27. Once we were past that we came to an unobstructed view of the Earth.
I saw a grievous site; the Earth appearing decrepit. Then this creature of splendor said to me, “The time is coming”, and I asked, “What time are you referring to”? She promptly answered, “The time when tides will turn. We will wash away the filth and purge the poisons that are upon the Earth”.
Pausing for a moment, then turning to look at me she added, “We will call you when the time arrives”. Again bowing I answered, “It is my honor to assist you”. After this exchange I was about to leave but then she held up her right hand palm facing me as it appeared she was imparting something to me. When she lowered her arm I thanked her and left for my SP27.
When I got to my SP I immediately went to touch the large crystal intrusion in the right wall of my cave. I paused as this offers tranquility to me. After a time I turned and going to my window with my right hand I began to draw upon the energy conduit from the Elohim while I placed my left hand on my labradorite sphere which I also charge. After a short time I went to F42.
Once at my F42 mnemonic at the Alpha Squared station (AS) I forced myself to consolidate there. Then I turned my focus beyond the station. After some moments as I pressed my perception beyond AS I found it dissolved behind me. I worked for a long time trying to penetrate the abyss of whatever those focus levels those are. Then something poked me and looking down to my left I saw Tellaidian standing next to me trying to get my attention.
As I looked at him instantly I saw him sitting in meditation in his alcove-like grotto deep within his home planet8. I could see his surroundings there, but then suddenly I found myself back looking at him here as he turned and began to walk into the oblivion surrounding us. I followed on his right being careful to keep my attention locked onto him.
After a short distance Tellaidian lifted his right arm in front of me as he pointed outward to my upper right. I looked but saw nothing. Then Tellaidian said to me, “Look….. and SEE”.
As I continued to concentrate my focus I suddenly saw an enormous filament of linked galaxy clusters and super-clusters laced together extending far into the distance. Then Tellaidian instructed me, “Look away [from the clusters]. Look into the darkness. So I looked at the dark void of space that was adjacent to the filaments; the dark void appearing far more spacious.
Then time slowed or I was shifting through time scales. It was like looking through layers of darkness, or sifting though layers of something, as I tried to discover what I was suppose to see. And then I saw Ancients as I’ve recently seen Them9. They appeared as oblong ovoids of light standing in a circle clearly concentrating on the area in the center of Their circle.
Then one of Them extended something like an appendage of light at me and suddenly I was dragged into the circle with Them. Among Them I was drawn to look into the center where Their attention was focused. I saw as if a deep funnel or vortex in the black space with the surrounding blackness pouring into it, as if seeing a full-running water-fall pouring black ink into a seeming infinite deep hole. If I can use size here the structure was about 8 feet in diameter. I looked at this for awhile.
Then I ask, “What is this”? One Ancient replied, “We control [add] future realities into [mind of] the Universe”. I recognized this as possibly connected to the network of so-called star-gates where I have seen other Celestials10.
“What are you adding”? I asked. “We are removing – war”, They answered. Then They added, “We look forward to your return so you may advise further changes”.
After this time I became exhausted and had to leave. Going back I found Tellaidian waiting for me but as the exhaustion was growing on me I parted with Tellaidian to quickly get back to my SP27.
When I made it to my SP’s portico in F27 it was like wading through thigh-deep molasses; so much work to cross this small area to my SP entrance. Once inside I was better and went to stand at my window but soon I had to turn away and sit down in my chair at the head of my wooden table as I was utterly spent. I found I was too exhausted to consider going back and so I stayed a long time considering this problem – how to recover. I time I felt some relief resting in my SP.
As my seat faces my doorway I saw a large pure-white angel stooping down to enter through my open door and it stepped forward to stand to the left of my table, towering there facing me. It was followed by a smaller unformed figure, seeming like a thick post about 5 foot tall comparing to human scale. I thought this should have been Raphael but I wasn’t sure who or what this form was.
I’ve never seen anything like it. What is that? The creature appeared as a vertical linear post-like shape; like looking at a dark vertical mirage oscillating while disclosing no clear fixed shape. This post-like structure hovered from the doorway to face me from the other side of my table.
Looking back at the large angel its pure whiteness contrasted the room and the other figure. I sat there looking at them exhausted wondering why they were here. Then the unidentifiable figure said to me, “We will come to assist you – when the time arrives” and that was all they conveyed. I thanked them. After a brief moment this figure turn and floated out. The large angel turned and stooping down it walk out my doorway following the other figure.
Still exhaust, more important then the brief cryptic visitation, was how I was going to muster the energy to get back. I worked at this for awhile and could not see how I could shift my way back. But then I remembered an early lesson from the Gateway course. In that we learned to encoded a wiggle in the fingers of our right hand to invoke a shift to C1 from F12. Thinking that might work, I attempted to wiggled my right hand’s fingers, but nothing happened – still in F27.
I tried a few more times with more determination and then I found myself vaguely beginning to appear back in my form as C1 consolidated around me – but I was not tired back here. Is this what the Gatekeeper was referring to11?
Dec 5th 9:00PM (~ 2 hr LST) Earth shielding is mediocre w/ Sgr A’s altitude ~ 40 degrees (degs) below the horizon. Thought I’d try a meditation and see what I find; gone about 75 minutes.
In this session I guess I was perceiving better then what I typically would call faint, yet while there were stronger moments of realism there were also other moments that were dubious – phasing in and out; don’t know what to think of that. I’m writing this now the next day.
I went to see Tellaidian. We spoke long of many matters. It’s hard to bring it all back now as I find meditating late in the evening then going to sleep makes for a difficult recollection the next day. I’m only writing about some main events.
Before starting the meditation I charged and really extending myself. It feels like I should be changing, or I’m about to change, into something else. That’s new.
As usual I welcomed Those Who Stand with Me while stating my intention. Then my F10 mnemonic had glimmers of realism to it, but then again not. I moved on and stopped in F27. I paused there working on commanding my F42 mnemonic more strongly; mixed with more will to be there. I haven’t used the TMI sling-shot technique in a while.
I first tried to get to the City of Light but couldn’t figure out where I was. I think I was just beyond the inner face of the City wall but zero there so I went to AS thinking that would be better. It took awhile for me to lock into my AS F42 mnemonic. As AS took on some realism I found Tellaidian waiting for me in the hallway.
Turning my attention on him he said, “Glad for your return”, with something like excitement it seemed. He turned around and together we walked through the facility to his conference room. There was slightly more realism in the hallway and it is always good to be w/ Tellaidian. At his lounge there was a touch of added realism; this came and went as I scrutinized it.
Entering Tellaidian went to sit down. As he turned around to look at me I sat down next to him. There was no one else in the lounge. I began to exert myself; forcing myself to be there as he has suggested before. Abruptly, I again saw Tellaidian physically seated meditating in his alcove-grotto; the large volcanic gas void something like an enormous bubble of scoria maybe 10 ft in diameter, but then the next instant I was back seeing him here with me in his lounge.
He looked at me with that unusual face just waiting so I brought up my main interest curious to see what he would say. “Master Tellaidian, what do you know of the Fountain of Light”, I asked? To my surprise he answered, “Nothing. That is beyond me. You surpass me in this”. I looked at him incredulously. How in the world can something like this be I thought to myself.
I struggled with being there consistently and as I worked at consolidating more fully I thought if Those I Know wished it … I would be here, and as I paused considering that I suddenly found there was a trust and a clear sense of rest that appeared in me as a vivid experience. Then Tellaidian said to me, “You know “, as I knew he knew what had just happened to me.
Then he reach out and took hold of my wrist. Suddenly the upper station disappeared and above us was part of our galaxy overhead taking up maybe one third of the view; as if our awareness of reality had instantly expanded around us but not specifically here in the station. There were of course other topics we discussed that I don’t recall now.
There were also moments when I felt a solid literal connection or a higher impedance-match with Tellaidian. Seeing him look at me as we looked at each other I appreciated that this person is someone who has reached out to me from across light years so I said to him, “Master Tellaidian, thank you for finding me. Thank you very much”. He and I just looked at each other with this solid trans-spatial connection. As I wondered about this he interrupted my thoughts saying, “This is the construct we are using. Keep you focus here”.
Another matter I’ve been wondering about for a long time is Tellaidian’s approval of Anosh so I decided to ask him directly, “Master Tellaidian, what are your thoughts of Anosh – and I”? In a most casual manner he answered, “It is an important matter [I recognize this] for your kind(s). I seek only to remind you of balance”.
Another topic I brought up concerned who created the Alpha Squared (AS) station and Tellaidian said I should go ask a comm-panel so I left the lounge going down the hall a short way to a comm-panel that’s close to my suite. Facing it I said, “Information request: Who created this virtual facility”, and suddenly I had a clear view from a vantage looking over our galaxy’s central halo, looking down on it. Above the central halo off to the right was a globular cluster clearly in view. The whole image was rich in colorful light.
Looking at the two structures I was impressed that I was seeing some aspect but as if there was one context; a galactic scale shared awareness that spans at least the lateral central quadrant of the galaxy and this particular globular cluster. I studied the image apprehending parts of this. I realized there are connected cultures in consciousness that are not Elohim.
I asked the comm-panel, “Why did they construct this” and vividly thrust into my mind was the Ancient’s own statement or mantra, “Further creativity through greater integration”. I recognized whatever intra-galactic (not inter-galactic) cultures these were they would likely know the Ancients. I remember one more thing. I tried to get the comm-panel to provide greater information and the answer was something to the effect I didn’t have the prerequisite understandings to be receptive to further explanation. Figures.
After that I went back to Tellaidian but I don’t remember anymore of our conversations. It was very good to visit with him. I have an emotional attachment to him; that peculiar face of his, so hard to read but now so normal to me. What a strange thing.
Dec 15th, 2019 1 hr manual meditation
(Started when Sgr A was ~ 48 degs below horizon).
9:00PM (gone 65 minutes) This was completely different. I’ve never encountered anything like this before. When I laid down and began energizing there was clearly a heavy presence with me. It was completely foreign but clear; a very real feeling. There was also a strong sense of transport available or an offer to just step away. I was actually hesitant about this as I didn’t know who or what this was.
I tried to discern what this was and for a moment I thought this was a Darkness so I brought forth my light form and as I passed through my initial mnemonics I found they were illuminated by my light. When I was close I stopped to face this force but I sensed no malicious and so relaxed my guard. Suddenly it was clear and I found I had no control over continuing through my other mnemonics. Everything was squelched, smothered or drowned out in my mind thus keeping me in this level. I’m not sure which level this was.
Then they were there; even more clearly. “Who are you?” I asked as this was like nothing I’ve met before and suddenly I saw the image of the central halo of our galaxy with a globular cluster hanging above it just as I recently saw this image when addressing the AS comm-panel inquiring about the builders of AS. I immediately recognized this entity – that it was the culture I saw (plurals)
“We wish to know you”, they voiced. “Greetings”, I replied and opened myself to them in a welcoming manner. Then they abruptly asked, “How is it you achieve ability [access] that which is beyond? We have not achieved this ability. Why are you small”?
In response I asked, “Do you know the Ancients”? “Yes”, they answered. I continued, “In this matter I can take no credit for such ability or events and so will not speak on my behalf. However, you may query the Ancients regarding this potential They have purposed in me”.
There was a lull as I was aware they were engaged in a distant conversation. When they came back they said, “You are human!?” “Yes”, I answered. “Why are you in this form”, they added? I answered, ”In this matter also, I refer you to greater elucidation from the Ancients Themselves”.
After another pause and distant interaction they returned stating, “This [form] displeases you”. Explaining I answered, “For the humans there is great and terrible suffering. Never ending war due to their greed and murderous blood lust. Yet, there are those that do good and desire to improve their being. For this reason we can not condemn the whole species as a lost”. Then I became depressed; tired of this futile Earthly horse-shit stuff and lost interest in further conversation. I let go of the contact, phasing back. I just didn’t care to go into more conversation about Earth or human form.
Soon afterward (10:05PM (~ 60 degrs)) I tried a test meditation. Put on some 42 hemi-sync and went to check visual acuity. There was clearly more vivid realism and detail in the thought-scapes I encounter wherever I went. But no contacts. Gone only 35 minutes or so. Tired; went to sleep.
What is the Spirit of the Light? 1/10/2020
7:45PM 1 hr manual meditation (Sgr A ~54 degs below horizon) Too much to write.
1/15/20: I haven’t been able to make myself write about this earlier; needed some days off. What’s really going on? A Cosmos governed by the mythological? This wears me out. Once They said this (interface) is a presentation, yet another time They said it is as it appears to me.
I began with NeiGong charging and welcomed Those That Stand With Me, Those That Guard, Devenoir who is The Outstretch Hand of the Outstretched Hand, and Those I Know. Heading out I stopped at the Obelisk in F21 for tasks. I also stopped in F22. When I got to F27 I again detected, but more strongly now, the one I know in the Planning aspect, so I offered my benison on their (Planning’s) behalf while also including others I know in F27. Then I went to my SP.
At my SP I didn’t know where to go but sensed something and giving it my attention Those I Know welcomed me saying, “Come be with Us”. I replied [How? Is there some level I should go to]”? They said, “Come”, and again instantly I found myself on the outer portico of the Great Hall.
There were two figures standing near me, facing me. As I consolidated I recognized the first figure, standing a bit closer, was the One12 who first spoke to me while at Lifelines. The other entity was the Presence of the Light.
I turned to the first identify saying, “I do not know how to address you. Is there a name or title I may use”? After a pause She answered, “You may call me – Teacher – but the purpose of your visit now, is not with me [indicating the other entity]”. I turned my attention to the Presence of the Light and approached Her.
When I got close to Her I bowed in greeting. She looked at me saying nothing so after a moment I asked, “I understand you are the feminine property of the Light, what or Who would be the masculine property”? I waited for an answer but received none and I was puzzled by that, but then the Presence said to me, “You are not yet open to receive that answer”, so I continued to another question I had saying, “There is a need in me to say something, to call out to someone or something – that I cannot find. Why do I have this feeling [impulse]”? She answered, “What is in you, is as a seed; as the seed of a great tree reaching to the light as it grows. You will not fail”.
As I considered that I thought to ask, “Are you before the Ancients”? She began to turn around and slowly walking away as if intending to lead me She answered, “You may consider me as the Mother of the Ancients”.
I followed Her and was surprised She was not leading me to the Fountain of Light as all other times we’ve been together. Rather She led me up a small finely crafted staircase that seems to be in the vicinity of the Fountain. I have never seem this structure here before. It was wide enough for two or three to walk abreast. The staircase followed a slight left-hand spiral. At the top was a small balcony or porch where the Presence stopped and turned to look at me. I stopped just below Her but near the edge of the porch. I realized this is the place She resides in.
Standing with Her I looked out from the balcony and there was nothing but crystal clear brilliant sky-blue light. There was no ground below. Nothing to either side or above. The view appeared infinite in expanse. There was no Sun or star providing illumination, yet the blue light was brilliant as is the sky on a sunny clear day at high altitude. There was nothing else but this infinite sea of blue light facing us as we stood together on Her balcony.
I asked Her, “What is this”? She answered, “This – is the Spirit of the Light”. “What is this ‘Spirit’ you speak of”, I asked? “It is … the intention of the Light: to create life, to nurture, heal, to bring forth harmony … all that is good”, She explained. We discussed this and then I asked, “And [what of] the Dark…”? Instantly She answered, “There can be no Light without the Dark – but – the Dark … cannot stand in the Light”.
Then She leaned down close to me, face to face, and reaching out to me She held my face in her hands as if a mother cradling a child’s face – to confide something important. Directly looking at me She explained, “Darkness objected that there was an unfair advantage in you and so you’re mortal existence was shackled with every trouble, pain, loss, obstacle, and failure – but – the time comes when love, ability, success, and completion of purpose will be yours. You will not fail. You will enjoy completeness”.
When we were done speaking of other items I turned and walked down the stairs. At this time I perceived the stairs led me down adjacent and through the Fountain but it was only the circular upward flow of the projected light; like walking past an adjacent waterfall flowing upward.
As I got down to the Hall’s main floor I looked out toward the City considering it. Then I felt a large presence looming in the Hall. I turned to it wondering who this was. Suddenly I recognized it was the Wise One. At this time however, I had no interest or desire to bring up objections or challenges to His reasons in purpose. Standing there I was completely at peace accepting what He did. I can’t understand His purposes I considered. Then He said to me, “You have traveled far since we last spoke”. I answered only saying, “Yes”, and then I enjoyed being with this entity again; so good to be back.
After a time, as there were no questions, I felt complete and found myself receding from Them. As They disappeared from view I found myself sinking back into my SP27 which had a vivid reality to it. I stayed there, glad for this small place to be.
Jan 21, 2020 1 hr training w/ F27 hemi-sync (D, NM)
At my SP27 while drawing energy from the Elohim’s energy conduit, charging myself and my labradorite sphere, suddenly I was aware of someone behind me. Turning around I saw the female administrator from the Planning Aspect of F27 standing there looking at me. I have been thinking about the Planning Aspect for awhile as I had a request for them, but I wondered if could I get there. I also wondered that even if I could get there would they accept a request from me?
I am always impressed by the splendor this figure’s emits. I wondered if she knew I had a request for her and that I doubted I could get to Planning Aspect on my own. Is that why she’s here?
We discussed my request and finally she stated, “Generously you have given; generously you will receive”. Accepting my request she turned and left. After that I sat alone in my SP27 wondering about the reality of these subtle images.
Jan 21 7:30 PM (D, NM) ~1 hr manual meditation (Sgr A 60 degs below horizon)
When I made it to F27 I again met the female administrator from the Planning Aspect there but the contact was very faint, so I went on to F42 and extended my awareness Beyond. I was able to achieve a very tight focusd engagement with some of the Ancients. Given this audience I considered the operations at the F27 Planing Aspect and so took the opportunity to request more power be added to my benisons for those that serve there (F27).
After I stated my request I became aware of a discussion among Them. After a moment one voice on my right stated its observation to the Others, “The request [intent – it is ] contains only goodwill”. Then another voice near my left offered its opinion of the matter, “It conforms with [current] Purpose [there]”. After a pause a voice seeming to be in a central location before me stated as if with conclusive authority, “It is agreed”.
The return was hard; again the exhaustion; this inability to reacquire my physical form. I’ve been considering this problem for awhile and thought this was a good opportunity to test a solution I’ve been considering. So I went to my SP27 and drew my energy back from the labradorite sphere which I commonly charge.
After working for awhile at re-absorbed my energy I began to normalize. I circulated the energy for a bit and found I was definitely beginning to feel better. This was a very big relief; to find a solution to this debilitating problem of exhaustion while venturing Beyond.
Feb 29th, 2020 7:15PM. Excellent shielding (OL)
I haven’t been able to get back for awhile now; just nothing – a total zero, and so I’ve largely given up trying. It’s just striving. That’s what I’m doing. Then yesterday I thought I needed to try going back again so I’ve went back to meditations last night using hemi-sync as I suspect my mnemonic encoding may be waning. Today I did two sessions of hemi-sync and everything was a zero as usual.
This evening I used F27 hemi-sync intending to go to my SP27 and work on my blank slate practice there. On the way I paused in F23 as I remembered how beautify this place once was, back when I could see it. Now I have little to no perception of it as usual. It is most discouraging. Then someone said to me, “Behold”, and for a moment I could see the wonders of souls ascending; the beauty of it and then it was gone. Who really spoke to me? Am I memory-loading now? I just don’t know. It’s a same to be so cynacle
In this meditation I was determined to hold tightly to my discernment. When I arrived at my SP27 and opened my door, I felt or knew, maybe saw faintly, the elvish-like administrator from the Planning Aspect. She stood facing me apparently waiting for me. Her hood was drawn back revealing her youthful fair persona, a highly refined creature.
As I walked in I was dubious that it was actually her. I just couldn’t believe it. Why would she be here? She has more important tasks to attend then visit me. Incredulous I walked past her slowly to the head of my table but I focused all my attention on her. Was anything really here with me I wondered? She was just too faint and too hard to believable. Yet, I could not shake the sense that it was her no matter how I tried to clear my mind.
As if to get my attention she said to me, “I wish to speak to you”. I questioned the authenticity of this and called out, “I desire only valid constructs with valid content”, and then as if through a thick curtain or something smothering me I heard, “Listen to her”. It was unclear who directed me but I clearly heard the direction. Was it someone from the Great Hall I wondered so complying I turned my full attention to her accepting that it was her. Bowing to her I said, “I will heed your words”.
Then She appealed to me saying, “The time approaches as you know. The time is near for many to be gathered. You must return in all seriousness of spirit”. I acknowledged what she said and then she turn and walked out of my SP.
I wondered at this. Return? How am I suppose to do that? Now I’ve have such slight perceptions and it’s all so unbelievable – how do I return?
After this I stayed for a long time in my SP27 and I felt like I was wrapped or surrounded by a thick cloud that was near completely impenetrable. There is no other choice then to return, but how? I detected some sort of encouragement permeating the room as I was reminded of previous power and effectively and then I left.
March into April:
Impossible to get thru. A total zero.
Tellaidian: April 14th, 2020 (Cibola) 1 hr manual meditation 5:20PM Sgr A 84 degs below horizon. Conditions optimal.
I’ve been trying to return but I can’t get back. After multiple hemi-sync sessions per day, days on end I cannot get back. There are zero contacts or they are so faint and insubstantial that I can’t consider them as authentic.
Today I realized that I have often been reminded that I don’t need hemi-sync so I thought I should do a manual meditation and see what happens. I expected nothing as I have being doing manual meditations over the weeks too. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t get back. But the following has left me with a lot to think about.
Earlier this day I charged using esoteric QiGong methods, as they have helped in the past. Afterwards I felt energized and very well. Before the meditation I did some additional pre-meditation charging.
Once in, I proceeded to F27 and went to the Crystal Monument wishing to exchange energy with that peculiar trans-focus level natural phenomena. Gladly it was a rewarding time in a manner of speaking. From there I went to my SP27 and began to charge via the energy conduit. I also charged my stone sphere as I’ve found it has helped me in the past to recover and reacquire my form; better safe then sorry.
I used the sling-shot maneuver to exit F27 and at times in EC27 I felt Ethereal was there but I could not see her. It is …. very discouraging. I miss Ethereal and haven’t encountered her in a very long time. This is all part of some grand plan I’m told. I’m sick of it.
When I got to Alpha Squared I spent considerable time trying to consolidate. I did not enter my suite, rather I stayed in the hall looking across the station and began to focus Beyond. I worked at contacting Tellaidian; calling him. At times I could sense the distant contact, then it was lost. Yet I felt confident that I had made contact; that it was Tellaidian. I could sense him sitting in his alcove meditating on his home planet. I worked at this for awhile.
Then I noticed his short figure appearing at his lounge’s entrance. He was peering at me. I turned heading to his lounge to meet him in this shared construct. When I got to his lounge entrance he said, “Come. Let us sit together”, and so I entered his lounge and we both sat.
There was no agenda other then this per-chance visit. Much of the conversation was inconsequential so I don’t bother to mentioning it here. He asked me how I was and I explained, “I cannot escape this perplexity and I’m tired of it. It… It is befuddling to my mind”. Tellaidian appeared to be contemplating my complaint but said nothing.
After a pause I ask him, “Master Tellaidian, how are your studies of The Root”. Suddenly Tellaidian appeared to display some kind of excitement that I have not detected in him before. He answered, “I have come to know Those you know [Beyond]. I did not expect to know this – that this could happen at this time in my life”.
I added, “And what have you learned Tellaidian”. He quickly replied, “Before I knew my essence. Now, I commune with Them. I have you to thank for this”. In response I said, “Then we share in thanksgiving Tellaidian because I have you to thank”. After this exchange we sat together saying nothing.
After a time Tellaidian reached out touching my wrist and suddenly I was catapulted; thrown forward hurtling through the darkness. I recognized I was racing toward a seeming high wall of black water as I’ve seen it before. It appears as a cliff-face of a mass of black water towering. Passing over that I found myself coursing forward at great speed low over the black sea there; it’s silver-like sparkling waves just below me. As I felt this great sense of propulsion suddenly I entered or found myself in a void that had no sense of motion at all.
In that pure stillness I waited and soon heard, “You are with Us. Even when you are not here – You are always with Us”. I wondered for a moment at that statement. In some ways I am weary of these simplistic statements that allude to some cryptic state or relationship. Why did They phrase it that way? This is how the Ancient’s facilitator greeted me during the Tuesday 2nd session (Starlines 1 repeat last Fall. See notes). At this moment there wasn’t the general sense of strong presence from Them so I asked, “Please increase the distinction between You and I so that I may clearly discern you.
Then out of this void, approaching me single file, were vague vertical columns of light slightly taller then myself. One by one, in single file, these soft clouds of light approached me. About to encounter me the first passed to my left, the next approached and passed to my right. Others approached passing to either side of me and so many of Them came to stand around me in a circle – as I have seen them arrange Themselves in the past. In this case however, I was in Their center.
Then They drew closer tightening this circle so that I was surrounded by Them as if in the center of a tight huddle. When They were close enough to tightly confined me in Their mist I expansed my presence into Them. I felt nothing from Them, yet I perceptively aware of the soft cloud of Their light enveloping me.
“You grieve”, They said to me and I answered, “Grief – in a human’s life! Grief – between the humans! Grief – bestowed upon their planet”!
After a pause They answered, “We [now] perceive [understand] you”. This surprised me as previously They’ve had no interest in Earth or the affairs of Earth-like existences.
I asked them, “When is the Time to arrive”? They answered, “The Time is becoming. It will unfold [expand] [and project] through you”.
They added, “When you return you will retain form [similar to how the Wise One chose this]. You will reside among Those you belong with [Those of the Parthenon]. The Oracles of the Light will assist you [with orientation].
I can’t remember other things we spoke of but when They left this circle formation They left me in single file line walking away from me. Then They regrouped standing in a row before me. I tried to count how many there where but my focus was nebulous. The number was however, on the order of nine, ten or more; maybe twelve. I can’t be sure. I felt or recognized there was nothing more to say and so I turned away from them.
The way back was confusing. I had the feeling of being smothering or crowded. This evolve into a sense of something like an uncontrolled tumbling. I don’t recall if I got back to Tellaidian. I tried to escape this disorientation as I focused on getting back to my Sp27. Once there I worked to consolidate myself again retrieving my energy or signature-form from my sphere. After that I returned from meditation discouraged and despondent with the continued cryptic and incomplete feelings from these meeting.
May & June 2020
Many many meditations; all lead to nothing or encounters that are just so faint I won’t accept them. Then at the end of June in the evenings I wonder… am I’m seeing futures? Something has changed these last few days. I am able to allow myself to trust at least the First Ones and some others. I’m more relaxed. I think my attitude is better. Yet why direct me to return and then make that so difficult? Or maybe this is it.
- Starting Tuesday AM 3rd session: Starlines 1 (Repeat) Oct 19-Oct 25, 2019 ↩
- see March 31st 2018 notes in: The Illuminating Light (Mar 2018-April 2018)). ↩
- Refer to Wednesday AM (only session) in Starlines 1 (Repeat) Oct 19-Oct 25, 2019 ↩
- Into the Light (Aug 2018 to …). ↩
- See Tuesday 2nd Session: The Dead: Lifelines @ TMI (Mar 2015). ↩
- Refer to Sidereal Time and Psychic Ability ↩
- See Tuesday Afternoon: First Intro to the Planning Aspect of Focus 27 in Expl27 and also 7/18/18 notes in The 2nd Signal Ship (May-June-July 2018) ↩
- Refer to What is it one must do? (Dec 30th, 2017) notes in: Post Starlines II (Nov 2017-Dec 2017) ↩
- see September 16, 2019 entry in The Long Slog (Feb 2019 – Sept 2019) ↩
- see Starlines 2: Wed Late Afternoon notes in the Tales of Master Tellaidian ↩
- refer Tuesday Evening F42 Free Flow Session notes in Starlines 1 (Repeat) Oct 19-Oct 25, 2019 ↩
- See Tuesday 2nd Session. The Dead: Lifelines @ TMI (Mar 2015) ↩