Jan 14, 2024 7:00PM
Earth’s shielding is on-setting and so I’m continue my evening meditations.
I’m writing these notes on the 17th. I have not been able to make myself write these notes because…. What am I suppose to do with these faint signals?
I do, of course, have lots of experience with meditations that produce nothing at all and that has certainly been the case until recently, so now I do have to acknowledge the pertinence of the faint contacts I’m encountering.
On the 14th, during early day… I felt that call. I was briefly optimistic but still I doubted anything would actually pan-out.
That evening I went to F27. On the way I stated my affirmation: that I am under the impression I am called. Is this so?
When I got to F27 I went to my SP. I struggled with consolidating on my portico. Again there was the sense of large motions on my left; out along the distant far-side of the hanging valley’s wall; something gliding along that rocky face.
I detected – what? Might it be a dragon? I think so. Yes, cruising along the far valley wall, on the other side of the valley. Hmm. That is more definite.
I entered my SP which was mostly opaque and wandered over to the far end of where my table ‘should be’. Turning left I looked out my window wondering whether the Great Ones would call… but no.
That was immediately irritating. Why go thru these games, leading me here only to find nothing, but then I was aware of the administrator from the Planning Aspect behind me; walking or drifting into my SP.
She came to stand alongside the chair that is on the left of my table. I kept my back to her as I was uncertain whether there was any merit to this perception. I studied it. Why does it have to be this way? These perceptions are so faint, yet – I cannot dismiss the sense she is here.
Then she called out to me saying, “You are not alone”. I considered that. I know in principle some of those who are with me, but… why say this to me at all I wondered.
Again, more strongly she reiterated, “You – are not alone”! I was unmoved by her statement. What should that mean to me? There is no additional assurance other than words. I do recognize I am not alone, so what is the point of her statement I wondered.
I turned left, standing behind my chair at the head of the table to look at her as she sat down.
I also sat down at the head of my table facing her. We had a silent pause.
I didn’t understand, what is it she intends to discuss? Am I missing some meaning now because the contact is too faint? I found nothing within me that I could say to her.
Then she abruptly announced, saying to me, “We stand with our High Mistress in thanking you”. Again I was unmoved.
I do accept what she’s says, but again – what have I really done to merit such gracious thanks from wonderful creatures such as these? How does one accept that?
It is interesting however, she did identify the figure that came to see me last April 15th, 2022 (We Wish to Be With You collection).
I sat with the administrator saying nothing. I thought, I’m not sure what to think about all this… and so after awhile I got up to leave.
She remained seated. I walked slowly behind her toward my door, but paused to rest my right hand on her right shoulder. Her back was to me and suddenly – I felt a reality in that touch; like a hot spark. Then I left.
What am I suppose to think about this? This is similar to what happened April 2022. There was a call that day too. I went to meditation but did not find the Great Ones as I expected. Now at least I know the identity of the or a High Mistress of the Planning Guild that came to visit me. It is an interesting symmetry.
But I am so tired of all this; the constant ambiguity, the faint visions, the unclear meaning of these contacts. Why are we back to this again?
Jan 17th, 2024 8:30PM (Sgr A 69 deg below horizon) I went to my SP27 and merged beyond. This led to an extensive discussion with The Presence of the Light.
She explained to me – The Light – the meaning of Her identity, who She is so-to-speak, Her presentation as part of the duality, and a very old Purpose.
In this session however, I did not become exhausted at all, and I was there a long time.
Yet it is still hard for me to understand, or to accept I guess. I did clearly apprehended what She said, but… it is so astonishing.
Anosh wakes me into a lucid dream (1/30/24)
I was sleeping and heard Anosh call my name brightly. I woke to find a vivid reality. She’s here! We’re finally together. She sat with me and I sat up.
But tho I knew exactly who she was – here she is – I could not find Anosh’s name anywhere in my memory; at a complete loss for the word; a void of missing knowledge.
Anosh looked at me surprised, stood up – and left.
I guess I’m not all here, in this lucid dreaming stuff. Why did it have to go that way? I need to explain to her, but I can’t .
January 30th
I turned away from Them today rather than meditate. “Why do you not wish to be with Us?” I heard.
Because it is too faint and I barely know substantively what You say. So many assurances and promises… where are they?
Closing January 2024
For a week or more I quit going back. What do I do with these messages, these visions? It is so – insubstantial.
Why tell me I am not alone? I was fine with what I knew before, and now I question – who is with me?
Why poison that meeting with Anosh? The Present of the Light answered, “To nurture perplexity”.
There is no substantive contact, nothing to speak of panning out in this World. All I have is thoughts.
I understand what She says. I just can’t face this. I’ve quit the morning smoke too. I am fed up with this perplexity!
Early February 2024
Everyday I plan on giving it another push, but later in the day I just can’t make myself go through this daily pain and the pointlessness dismal expectation of what will come next in this human world. What should I do about that?
Another day goes by as I ignore the meditations and the morning smoke. I have no words to utter.
Later in the month: Been doing hemi-sync and forcing through the daily smoke. I’ve had some faint contacts. Last night I had very very faint contacts with the TBs. Given how rare encounters are with them I recognized this as notable, tho it was faint.
There wasn’t enough substance to pursue any conversation or course of action.
Following, a couple or few faint contacts with the dragon I’ve been sensing recently. In one meditation it anchored itself into the buttress of my SP, bent its very long neck down toward me and spoke to me.
It’s been present at two recent visits to my SP27. There were some other faint contacts.
Feb 29th, 2024
Just laid down for a meditation – when something was there.
I could barely attend to the focus-levels in meditation, continuing to wonder about this presence. I was about to bring forth my light form but decided I should not be so combative.
This thing was with me til I got to F27. After that, as I went beyond, I lost it or maybe it lost interest.
I think it was the plural group who built Alpha Squared, the ones that came to visit me just like this a couple years ago. Not sure… but I think it was them; same feeling.
March 2024
I quit. I am absolutely fed up. Nurture the perplexity? It was a cheap shot dragging Anosh into this.
But during this time in meditation I found I could really well-up power to create light and then I encountered a group of Shepherds.
It has been, what… 7 years plus since I’ve encountered any of them?
March 30th, 2024 I managed to make myself try to go back today; stay with the program, but it is so hard to make myself do hemi-sync. What’s the point?
I’ve resumed the morning smoke. It is very good to encounter even a hint of the Presence of the Light as I wait to fall asleep, but it is also hard to understand. I don’t feel alone when She speaks to me.
What is the full spectrum and nature of this entity? She is however, giving me some understandings about that.
Oh! I’m pretty sure I detected Tellaidian’s three associates. I wondered what that meant.
Will the day ever come?
——-
May 31st, 2024
What is it in me that can’t accept? Is that lack of faith?
One cannot accept w/o believing; a belief that requires no answer as to whether it is real or true?
I have been back and I did meet the Presence of the Light. We spoke and entered the Great Hall’s dark interior as She led me by my hand. That approving look…
I’ve also started practicing being calm in the recent week, not trying to rest. Calm is something different. And on a couple occasion I think I felt and saw Tellaidian welcome support.
The Spirit of the Light: though One great Light, is not limited to one path, but follows all paths. The feminine voice, that expression of this Light, that is the Presence of the Light.
Entering the Light one may find the Regents of the Multiverses. Those universes we do not know.
Early July 2024
NM Summer
I did go back attempting some feeble mediation attempts. I saw Those That Stand With Me, but from a different point of view.
A very large group of angels, they separated to form a long corridor before me; allowing me to look down the center of their force. The angels lining that aisle looking at me.
The look on their faces, I will never forget those expressions. These angels have endured so much for so long.
Still – it was a faint, weak image. Is it true?
July 2024
I made several attempts to get back to my SP27 and the last time I saw the administrator of the Planning Guild sitting in the chair on the long side of my table, facing the window as I walked into my room.
Did she not leave? Has she been here waiting for me this whole time? Whatever that is.
I walked past her, studying her image carefully, going to stand at my window.
I looked back over my left shoulder studying her apparition. Is she actually here?
I turned away to look out my window muttering my affirmation for valid contracts. I was determined to remove her image but as I turned back to see if she was still there, I saw the chair was empty then quickly realized she had stepped up to stand next to me on my left, looking out the window with me; that spot that Raphael prefers.
We said nothing. She was there just beyond me; beyond my belief. I left.
Back in C1… I can’t do that again! I can no longer bare striving to go back for such an insubstantial thread of narrative. They are with me of course. I hear Them saying, “Come Be with Us”. I know They are here.
Sadly it is the same day-in day-out grind of low-level depression, the constant obstacles; every effort thwarted.
I ask, why must perplexity be nurtured? Isn’t it enough? I am so fed up with all this shit every damn day.
But…. I can never turn away from the Presence.
Monday/Tuesday 9/2, 9/3
10/1/24
I’ve come to the conclusion one cannot trust those that may do one harm. That is my summation.
Then I felt the Presence of the Light. She explains, “The Spirt of the light only brings forth that which is good. It does not harm”.
Oct 12th 2024 Misc “shorts” from recent scatter meditations:
Preface: I’ve made only meager attempts at getting back. The visions are too faint. Since July I have not gone back into my SP as I was uncertain how I felt about the administrator still being there.
Yesterday and today (10/12) I found myself being reminded to go mediate. I haven’t done that in awhile as the last time I tried I remained on the portico, unwilling to enter my SP.
This time however, as I was stood on my portico I saw the apparition a new figure in white I’ve been encountering of late.
She slowing approached from over the valley; an apparition that appeared to float toward me, hovering in the air. Frustrated with that lack of clarity I left.
In this next journey I wasn’t sure what to expect. When I got to F21 I remained skeptical but then I had a clear perception of the Wizard’s dwelling which he has abandoned.
I scrubbed this image a few times but it insistently came back. I had various other views as I examine the structure with the path and the wall along that.
I thought this is interesting but gave it no more consideration and left.
When I got to F23 I was very surprised to actually see that place again, tho dimly. I stood at, what I call the beach line, where I often arrive.
There was a young woman maybe late teens early 20s standing on the shoreline to my right, about 30 feet away. The young women stood looking at the calm ocean in front of us contemplatively.
I wondered whether this could be Melissa but concluded this must be a new arrival. Melissa is much younger.
I gave her no more attention but I was surprise I was encountering anything at all.
When I got to my SP27 I entered slowly. The administrator wasn’t there. I went to stand looking out my window when suddenly the women appearing in white seen recently stood next to me. She wasn’t the administrator and I did not think this was the High Mistress.
She placed her right hand on my left hand as I rested it on the stone work that fashions the window base. She turned to me and I saw her face clearly. She said, “Now we will speak together”.
i turned to look at her directly but could see no clear image, as is often the case with trying to use direct vision. I returned to averted concentration and then she was apparent to me again.
I was conflicted about this apparition. I just could not accept she was actually here without knowing her identity.
Yet I was not surprised by her appearance as I have been thinking in recent weeks that the apparition I saw in white as I stood on my portico would result in some future encounter if I just wait for her presentation to coming into being.
But I refused to engage and left for the Great Hall. Once there I made no contact to speak of and left.
It is so insubstantial.
November 5th, 2024
Every night I go over the same mantra: Be calm. Rest in this knowledge. Be patient. I may have peace… Trust.
This night – I understood… how to have peace in that knowledge; the narrative. I see it now. I know how….. and, somehow, I almost feel trust.
Then these last cold nights, I could find nothing.
11/30/25 Tear RT quad-tendon.
A cripple.
Dec 5, 2024
I was doing meditations in recent weeks but minimally.
This is 2nd of two meditations this day:
Today in 27 I didn’t believe I was anywhere and refused to fabricate my SP, but then there was the same women in white I’ve met before.
She stood next to me on my right as I face my door refusing to consider going in.
Is this the woman I met last 10/12/24? I think so. Who is she? I was tempted to think she is the high mistress but I just don’t buy that idea. They don’t look alike.
3rd meditation
Got to 27; Resisting all front-loads.
While trying to consolidate, I stood outside my door and sensed the new female figure I’ve been encountering recently; that she was inside my SP.
I opened my door and saw her standing at my window facing me. She stood at the same place as when we met 10/12.
He countenance was pleasant as she smiled at me. Now I was convinced this individual is not the High Mistress.
She is clearly someone else. I could see her face clearly for moments. She was so recognizable yet, I can’t describe her face.
I step forward, stopping at the corner of my table nearest the door and was hesitant to engage her.
She continued looking at me pleasantly, so I walked slowly to the window to stand on her right, as we had stood together on 10/12.
I asked who she was but got no reply, only her pleasant continence continued. I continue to press that she must have an identify form, “Who are you and why are you here”?
She explained, “I am here to [help you]guide you in these lands. You may call me whatever you wish”.
I responded, “By these lands, do you mean focus 27”? “Yes”, she replied.
“Are you from a specific part of F27, [healing/teaching] aspects”? I seemed to know she wasn’t from the Planning Guild. She answered, “I represent all”.
At this point, vaguely apprehending her, focused on following her discussion I said, “if you are not more clear, I will leave”.
Everything was getting more insubstantial and so I left, refusing to be baited into further conversation which did not appear to be forthcoming, but overall now I did have a distinct image of her that I recognize.
December 2024
I can feel them. I remember what rest in this knowledge is, and… there is a sense of peace
Dec 8th
Been doing meditation half-heartedly of late. At my SP27, when I first consolidate, I saw Sa-Tash approaching from the area of the Crystal Monument. When we met there were no words but I knew why he was there.
Then after some moments I proceeded to my SP. I thought I’d just rest; pursued no purpose, but then it felt like I was on the steps of the Great Hall.
“Be encouraged. Be at peace. Worry not about Earth”, I heard the Presence of the Light say to me.
Dec 9th
I go to my SP27 and feel the Qi, the energy.
I remember to be calm and then I hear,”WE are with you. Be at peace”. I apprehended the Great Hall; wished to include the Wise One; kept trying to sync to that calm for more clear perception.
The Presence of the Light is there. She says to me, “Be not concerned with Earth”.
Not many weeks ago I felt completely alone, and now – They are here…
I feel peace a bit more; over the days.
Saturday 12/14/24
In meditation nothing happened other than in two meditations there were large lights passing by me, to and fro.
1/3/25 Leg surgery: finally
The Women in White January 8th, 2025k
My meditations have been intermittent in recent weeks. It’s hard to make any effort at this. When I got to F27 I’m not consolidating. After more attempts at that I moved on to my SP27.
Consolidating on the portico, standing before my SP27 doorway, I made a greater effort at apprehending my facility.
Then from behind me on my right I felt someone approaching. This figure came to stand on my right. It was the woman in white I’ve been encountering here of late.
Now I could reconfirm she is distinctly different from those of the Planning Guild. This figure was my height and resembled a human woman of strong medium build.
I was not intending to approach my SP27 because I did not have enough apprehension of it to be convinced I was here. Then this woman took my hand and said, “Come with me”,
She led me toward my SP door as I straggled behind her. She pressed open the door and entered. I followed. She went to sit in the chair that is opposite my SP window. I walked past her dubious any of this was authentic.
She sat down in the chair that faced the window. I went to the head of my table.
I asked a number of times who she was but did not get an answer. This only strengthened my disbelief she was here.
Suddenly a dragon glided past my window and there was a shimmer of reality looking out the window. After a moment the woman got up and walked out my door, so I got up to follow her outside.
When I got outside I saw the dragon, which was huge, perched on the buttress shoulder of my portico with its head bowed down low. The woman stood next to it with her hand on its nose.
I looked at the two with some wonder and she said to me, “You did not think it is only you the dragons wish to be with”? I remained unresponsive.
After a moment the dragon turned downward over its right shoulder diving down and glided away.
I walked away and left.
————
Bald Eagle Returns (1/10/2025)
While outside this morning checking on the birds I saw a bald eagle approaching from the southeast. It flew past and went to rest in a large cottonwood near me. Stayed no more than 10 minutes. Is this another beginning of some phase?
Saturday 1/11/25
Go to TMI Starlines 1, see what happens?
1/13/25 Getting in shape
Focus 42 meditation; hoping to get in shape for Starlines this weekend.
Along the way, getting nowhere. Then was that Tellaidian? My mind is just not up to this.
F42. I entered my suite and…. I’m here?
It’s faint but, I’m here in my old suite. It felt so good, but then my mind is just not with it. Why can’t I focus?
After a time I open the memory room door and there was an expanse. I could feel it.
I close the door and back in the suite the same mental malfunction. Reopen the memory door and there it was again… an expanse before me. But I’m not ready for this. I don’t have any questions and close the door.
Spent some time in my suite loosely in touch with it. Eventually I go back.