Monday 1/4/16 ~7:30PM (2:37 LST Sgr A 46.5 degs below horizon)
Good EC Shielding. Solar Wind: 6.2 protons/cm3. Flares: B2
I woke feeling deeply troubled, struggling with the feeling that there was a time when I thought I could call out to God or something, turn to something in times of trouble. Was I answered? I don’t know about that; maybe sometimes, mostly not, but I knew something was there. I was confused about the meaning of the four times my life was punctuated by prophetic messages; so powerful, then gone. So now given all this crazy I asked myself, who can I call out to? Who is it; really?! Who can I turn to with a conviction that something is actually there listening? What would that be?
Suddenly, clearly – vividly – an image appeared in my mind that commanded my attention. In this image I saw the large angel Devenoir and myself, small in comparison, looking up to him. In this image I saw myself facing him, speaking with him, and I understood the connection so I quickly went to focus 12 in manual meditation (without hemi-sync) and called to Devenoir. Immediately I saw him faintly. He leaned down to me. Then turning his head and looking away, he reach his arm out and pointed into the distance. Looking in the direction he pointed I saw an image of the Gatekeeper and instantly I was reminded me that frequently the Gatekeeper would explained things to me, so I determined to go to focus 21 and find him at my first opportunity later that day.
Later I went to focus 21 in meditation determined to find the Gatekeeper, to press my questions clearly. At the affirmation I welcomed all I know. I stated I was there to find the Gatekeeper or others that would speak truly, those free of guile or deceit. I explained that I must know the answer: who can I truly turn to? Then a single voice from amongst the plural group I sensed responded to me saying, “Very well”.
Proceeding into focus 12 I detected nothing and so I called out to the IF but the reply seemed muddled and I was unconvinced of that connection so I called out again and something responded in a manner taking over; stepping in. I asked it, “Who are you?” “You have known me for a long time”, it said. I immediately did not appreciate the cryptic response given my desire for clarity and became suspicious, “Please provide identification so I can recognized who you are”, but nothing resulted. I could feel that the source of whatever it was that was addressing me appeared to move around me as if circling. I searched to see if anything in me recognized this thing.
Was it familiar, I wondered doubtfully. I called out, “Adoret?” But nothing and I felt more strongly something wasn’t right about this – apprehending its malice. Then I spoke out, “I constrain this communication be limited to that which is true, without guile, aligned with the good purposes of the Source!” Then turning slightly to my guard I presumed to be behind me I said, “Please constrain this”1. And everything went silent, absolutely still.
Then it seemed that it took a long time before I got to focus 21. I called out for the Gatekeeper, but nothing. As I continued I began to wonder whether all this was going to be a waste of time, but then only in the very faintest sense I detected the Gatekeeper waiting for me at the Wizard’s dwelling. It was so tenuous and unclear that I thought it was nothing, or nothing I would conclude was an authentic signal and not some memory load, but as the subtle images persisted thought faint, I walked toward the entrance and the Wizard met me welcoming me at his doorway – I think. It was too faint to be sure what was actually transpiring. Once inside I saw the Gatekeeper sitting at the far end of the table where the Wizard typically sits, so I took my usual place at the table with him.
I could barely detect anything. Who was really there I considered. Then bearing down my focus I firmly expressed my case to the Gatekeeper saying, “Who do I turn to? Who can I turn to and depend on?” And then everything suddenly evaporated into dense black stillness and out of this blackness a clearly exterior mind-to-mind contact formed between me and something above me that had massive presence and they said to me, “You may count on us”, and the presence fully engaged me in conversation.
It took some moments for me to reorient; to sense/apprehend them and I replied saying, “You seem like God, but I know you are not”. “That is correct; you understand [recognize] us”, they affirmed. “But, for all practical purposes … you are God”. “You know us; you know we are a composite”, they answered. I continue to apprehend them, pondering the presence that was abiding with me, looking up into it and I asked, “Then, were you behind the writing of the Bible… Elohim?” “Yes”, they said. “Were you behind the inspiration of Lao Tzu’s writings?”, I asked. “Yes”, they confirmed and I continued, “You are behind many culture’s writings, the development of various ideas in mythology and such?” “We are. You have met us before [various times (reminding me when)] … Shepherds of Creation. We see you recognized may aspects of our presentation”, they stated and I answered, “Yes, I believe I understand who you are”.
I paused, distracted by something odd, “Why… I… I can feel you now. I can feel you now but I could not feel you in other levels?”, I expressed. “You are encountering us in more fullness; a wider spectrum of levels [as you say] and so you are able to apprehend us as you are more accustom [in this level], yet you recognized us from other levels where you encountered us in specific characterizations (understanding they occupy many levels, perhaps all levels, well beyond my comprehension). When you have been in narrow states you perceived us according to that environment [now feeling their patience, benevolence, expanse, their complete willingness to listen to all I wished to say and all I felt to express]”, they explained.
After some moments of contemplation I asked, “Then the individuals I’ve met are in your composite? Can you explain the entities that say they are my parents?” They offered in reply softly saying, “That explanation should be given at another time” [I would not comprehend the answer at this time].
Feeling the gravity of the conversation I said, “I need to be clear about this. I need to know that this is not a fabrication, that this is as you say; that you are who you say. I need you to truly let me know this”. “I will…”, they answered and I continued, “I need to know the truth … that Devenoir is not a fabrication of mine. He is real?”, I asked. “He is”, they affirmed. “And the Gatekeeper…(?)”, I persisted. “You should know that all such beings are an extension of us; their being reflects this extension, a thread of thought [purpose] … from us. [My cynical notion: projections, puppets?] No, they are individuals of free will. They have aligned themselves in purpose to be an expression, an extension of us… as you are”, they explained.
After some pondering I stated, “Raphael, The Gatekeeper, Ethereal…. I miss these individuals. I have become attached to them”. “They are in you now; part of your [becoming] composite, yet they are also individuals. All these have been serving to express us to you in a manner that you could accept [apprehend], that you could relate to”, they explained
Absorbing what was being said to me, suddenly I found I felt different – weird. “I… I now feel… I now feel – that I am not me?!’, I blurted out in alarm. “You are not who or what you think you are. What you think of as yourself is a misunderstanding [Intuitively recognizing that they were in fact correct; everything making sense]”, they stated.
Then after another moment’s reflection I reacted, “Not me? My heart and life has been broken; ruined to waste throughout my lifetime. I find no joy but look only to its end. If you are as you say, you need to show me that this is true.” “You look up to us through the erosion, the debris of your ego. That [erosion] was part of making you. That is why the perceptions evoke the feelings you express”, they explained.
The contact appeared to allow me all the time I needed; never was there any sense that time was of any matter in the explanations. I experienced something that had complete patience with me. But as I was able to absorb all that was being said to me I repeated, “I really need you to show me that this is true!” “I will…”, they affirmed.
As it seemed we had some mutual understanding of each other I said, “I do not know how to address you… God(?), I can’t call you God. Lord? That isn’t correct either. May I continued to call you El?” “Yes. Consider Devenoir as our angel with you”, they responded. “If I am to believe all this, you will need to show me that I can depend on you”, I stated. “Yes, we will…. [suddenly strong perceptions, a seeing of an expanse of time extending into the future, the building and consolidation of a relationship]. When we speak with you, you will know”, they stated.
My thoughts continue to search for final questions I might have… “[Should I] Go to Explore27 (another course at TMI)? Should I expect a [another] big change or any change?”, I asked. “Yes. You will be exposed to a great number of new identities. Great changes are coming”, they affirmed. Then they were gone.
I have not felt this sense of culmination and penetrating rest in a very long time.
Sunday 1/10/16 – The Beyond ~ 7:00 PM (3:01 LST)
Good EC Shielding. Solar Wind: 7.8 protons/cm3. Flares: B4
Six days later I decided to do a manual training meditation in F21 without hemi-sync. I had few intentions other than to be open. As is my practice I went to F10 and placed my distractions in my energy conversion box. At that time I found I was aware of Tattooine2, though it was difficult to state plainly that it was not a memory load. However, I greeted him and noticed that the portal was again there beyond us (I’ve become aware of this recently). I recognized that it was an option for exploration in the future. During my affirmation I greeted those I know explaining my intention and thanks. I recall I engaged with something, presenting itself there, immediately and used that time to share more about my intentions and openness to them; allowing them to state any desired task that they may have for me (as has been the case at times). After a few moments I proceeded to F12.
In F12 I engage the IF (Intuition Facilitator) which presented clarification about “our” integration. Then I spent energy addressing specific target intentions while noting a projected awareness coming my way from someone else. After that I proceeded to focus 15 and spent a few moments observing the difference between that environment and F12. Here again I worked on specific target intentions that I intended to unfold throughout time. Then I proceeded to F21.
Arriving in F21 I found it was blank and so I accepted that was all I was going to encounter in this training session but I made a general hale to inquire who was there and to say hello. Waiting I found that I immediately received a reply, “I am here”. Looking up, I asked if the entity could clarify for me a form, functional purpose, or role so that I could understand it. It replied, “I am one of the Shepherds. Does that help you understand?” “Yes. Can you help me understand your individual role among them?” I asked. “Yes. Come with me”, it replied and I immediately felt myself rising.
I saw I was on a trajectory over mountainous landscapes, then gaining elevation over what looked like an ice cap, then out into space where I found myself looking back at Earth. I wondered if I was constructing this from my own memory but found that I was continuing to retreat away from the Earth ever rapidly; then beyond our solar system. I questioned this again but could not stop the feeling and perception that I was continuing to travel away; now extremely rapidly through our galaxy.
At one moment I could see through and beyond the arms of our Milk Way, then beyond the galactic plane. As we emerged from that I again wondered if I was constructing this whole experience but resolved to remain objective and observe. However, regardless of my thoughts or doubts I found that I was continuing to be drawn outward farther. I wondered where this could lead as I found myself finally convinced that I was not creating this experience and saw that I, or we, were still going ever further as I saw galaxies retreating from us; absolutely incredible to see.
At last, we stopped. I looked and realized we were far beyond the fifty or so galaxies that make our Milky Way’s local group in deep space; seeing this on an unimaginable scale, this small portion of the physical universe. I wondered for an moment, “Why are we here” and immediately the entity responded, “Because you desired to know. You wished to know the extent of our purpose, our creative range”. I recognized immediately that that was indeed true. I had thought that at many previous encounters with these beings. “We wished to answer this question of yours. Our role extends beyond even this but we pause here because we see you cannot comprehend that which is farther beyond”, it explained. I bowed slightly and said, “Thank you my lord3”.
In some manner the thought of the Shepherd’s role with respect to God entered my mind. The being immediately responded, “We reside at a fundamental level [an image was initiated in my mind of a forest]. As a tree and forest grow up from the forest floor deriving their existence from it [sensing an instrument I could understand], we create or inspire the deepest levels of the forest floor’s existence, representing intentions from the Source [I apprehended that this role was one of the deepest levels of nature and felt as though I was communing with nature itself personified]. Your being is one such intention, as are many many beings. Throughout the levels, as you call them, there is being that administrates fundamental intentions and so on – being(s) in close proximity to you. These represent and interface your thoughts with various levels of purpose – being. When you direct your thoughts to what you call God your are forming an objective for your thoughts that represents to you the highest form you can conceive of; your thoughts expressed outward”.
After a time following this general explanation which conceptually provided a deep elucidation, and the contact with this incredible entity, I was sensing and perceiving the raw volume of space involved. I found I was becoming exhausted. Along with that I also had the acute feeling that I desired strongly to be back home in my natural state. This was just too much.
I thought I would be able to leave at any time but when the time to return came, satisfied with what I was shown, I detected a sense of extreme alarm in myself at the distance to return through. I had thought this would be a simple matter of changing my thoughts to that of being back in focus 21, but now I found that I could not conceive of the distance to return through. I was unable to comprehend the shift and found I was helpless, gripped by an on-setting panic at the feeling and knowledge that I could not get back. I struggled with that for a few moments, the panic growing, and then the entity said,”I will assist you”.
Immediately I felt I was hurtling through space at just an incomprehensible speed and in a short time I began to recognize Earth’s locality. With that I also began to find me, that is, I was regaining my form and I recognized I had been in a different form altogether. At least that’s how I would describe it.
In an instant I was back in F21 at the Wizard’s dwelling finally feeling like I arrived back home. Immediately I recognized the Wizard with the Gatekeeper and Raphael; all standing there simply looking at me; the Gatekeeper smiling at me. At that moment I understood some fundamental relationship between us that I can not state in any conceptual sense; not knowing words for it. I also understood that Ethereal was not there because her purpose resides most generally in the Earth’s natural system. After a few moments in F21, I conducted my orderly return to C1.
- The guard was given to me, prior to the Lifelines course, by those who say they are my true parents. ↩
- Tattooine is the nickname I use for The Traveler – notes not added yet. ↩
- The reader should understand I was not using this term in any classic religious sense. I only used it for purposes of general courtesy. It is hard to find the proper words when addressing these entities. ↩