First week of December 2014 (Focus 21)
Entering the session at my energy conversion box in which one deposits distractions to the session I threw a pile of dry leaves into the box. How else do I represent the distractions of all this confusion. What is happening to me?
At the affirmation statement of the preparatory process I announced, “I need to connect my physical life to that, or this, which is the non-physical. This, which I’ve known throughout my life that has been calling me. I need to bridge this. I need your help to get past these doubts and clear it away. This is all completely crazy! And oh, thanks for all your tolerance, patience, and forbearance with me”. Then per TMI’s suggested affirmation I appealed to everything wiser1 and more true than myself; to that which is aligned with good purposes.
Immediately Raphael appeared standing squarely in front of me; facing me directly. I have never encountered him quite like this before – his intensity. He looked directly at me and said, “I know all your pain and I know it better then you (since I have fortunately forgotten much with time)”. Then he took hold of me and began to lead, pulling me up with him. There was no waiting for hemi-sync mixes to progress; we just left is how i’d put it.
I don’t know why or how but I understood we had a long way to go. Raphael pulled me past all the track’s narration mile-markers as I heard them vaguely in the distance as if the focus levels did not matter at all. Then the entity called ‘Friend’ appeared on our left and he also grabbed hold of me and pulled together with Raphael.
Together we went up and UP. This went on for a long time. We were traveling much farther than Raphael had ever been taken me before. This went on and on, up and further up we went. I wondered where we could be going and became dimly aware that some other things were along side us but I couldn’t tell what was tracking along with us. In time this traveling in itself became amazing. Where are we possibly going, so far away?
Wherever we were I could feel we were far beyond the feeling of focus 21; we were somewhere else; someplace I’ve never been before. Then we leveled off and headed outward again going farther and farther. This all went on for a very long time. In my mind I was hopeful that maybe now I would finally be shown what the problem was and what the truth is. I could feel in myself a desperate wanting, a need for a truly clear explanation after this miserable lifetime. Then I wondered too – is this truly real?
Eventually we arrive at some blank place and came to hover in darkness. Hover is not quite the right word though. It seemed more like we came to a place to exist, to abide. In this void I looked, waited, and I looked more; waiting for the answers to start forming for me. After a few moments I began to worry that after coming all this way nothing would happen as I was getting nothing at all in terms of impressions but then I thought to myself that there must be something here and so I stayed determined to remain focused.
Then there was a faint flash, a dull vague image semi-emerged and some sort of thought emerging too perhaps. What was that? I couldn’t figure it out. I waited concentrating my attention. What is this?
It was about… What is this about? And then as the image clarified I began to see… What am I seeing? My birth? I’m seeing my birth?! Nah, that can’t be, but then I had to accepted that I was seeing when I was born.
I saw an older fashion hospital room of that era. I saw my parents and I began to recognize that something was wrong. I could see and realized that my parents already had my two older sisters and that my parents were well into their own personal problems. I was not the first baby with its associated excitement and then I saw… I was shown – that I was never loved.
My parents didn’t have the capacity. Things were already very messed up for them. I saw they had a couple of warm moments with the new baby but when it came down to everyday living they did not love their baby. They had their own big problems.
Then I was shown my doubt, a fundamental doubt, was due to my lack of faith – a persuasion that things will work out – which results from being loved, being taken care of. I was shown that since there was no fundamental sense of being loved since birth I did not trust – hence my doubt.
Next I was shown this was what my deceased aunt and uncle recognized. They lived just a block away and while they couldn’t have their own children they observed that my parents, with all their problems, were not raising their kids with love.
I saw all this – and I knew it was true. Then I said to Raphael next to me, “Ok. There’s no big surprise here – I know this”, but then … again as what happened many weeks early, as loud as rock concert amplifier loudspeakers blasting at me and through me… suddenly two others hidden ineffable massive entities (similar to Elohim) were there besides Raphael and Friend and then they said to me ……… “THEY ARE NOT – YOUR PARENTS”.
I recoiled with an outburst, “WHAT?!”, as the two new unknown forms of awareness continued, “WE are your parents.” “WHAT!” I demanded. “WE – are your true parents and we love you. You have always been – from – Us. The Earthly parents could not provide our love and that’s why you’ve never had it. [But] WE ARE your parents – and we love you”, they stated factually.
I was shown how life in the physical realm cut off from proper love will not experience the true love it should know. I was also shown that there were forces that sought to do this, that sought to cut us off from each other and I understood why my decease uncle had recently said to me, “There are things that oppose purposes”. Then these entities with incomprehensible lack of form but massive presence, something in itself I could not understand or explained added, “All this time there has been the struggle to reach through, but now you are here. You are home.”
I suddenly understood why Gabriel was so protective in the previous incident during a meeting with the Traveler. I understood more clearly the purposes of Gabriel, Raphael, and the entity that calls himself Friend. Together these had worked to help bring me (and I understood there were others) home – to claim us. Then they added, “You are the son of a god1. We have brought you this far out so that others could not interfere with this communications [so you may know Us]”
I was completely overwhelmed. How can this be? This is totally crazy. Yet – there was somehow throughout my being I could not ignore. I could not ignore the fact – that I actually did know this myself … that this was true. It was no imagination, no delusion; it was true. Somehow I knew it. The communications were pure, strong, and clear; an absolute clarity of knowing that which is far beyond what I could possibly imagine. I understood the entity Friend had watched over this nonphysical line for ages.
Then I wondered about my deceased friend ‘DV’. Was he here, or there, somewhere? I fought the idea of introducing this stray thought but I hesitantly asked whether my friend ‘DV’ was here? The two awareness forms2 replied, “Yes! He is! Again I was overwhelmed.
I asked about the traveler who I nicknamed Tattooine and they explain, “He is an outsider visiting this system. He is not part of this struggle on Earth”. This was too much to absorb; the information and explanations as I saw the ongoing conflict with oppositional shadow force(s) interfering with many others besides myself.
I also understood there were others that would be gathered as suddenly I saw the Earth appear black as night and also what appeared as tiny points of light leaving the dark planet in concert.
I was completely stunned, emotionally overloaded, incapacitated. Returning through the focus levels was more like free falling. I didn’t pay attention to my phasing back to C1. At focus 12 the narrator reminds the student to give thanks for their experience but at that moment I lost form and burst into a brilliant radiant light buzzing with power. I felt like I was my true self again.
I returned to C1. I was more collected, but returning to my body took effort to recognize and to reacquire this foreign form. Fully back into the physical I painfully realized… I’m back here? I remember now why I am here.
I continued to be dumbstruck, tired, and I found it was hard to face returning to this physical state – this place. I realize also, as if it was pressed into every part of my being, I have a family I belong to – and they are not – of this plane. This is not my home.
(Hemi-sync hours logged to date: 57.5+)
- The paternal is one of the Ancients. ↩ ↩
- It took a fews years but I have come to know these two entities: the parental – is one of the Ancients and I have known this One most of my life, and the maternal: one of the Elohim. I was conceived along with a female/nonphysical dualism pair (a sister who resides beyond) with my male/physical counterpart (see later notes Collection: The Wise One and The Ancients). ↩