The first week of December 2014: 57.5 hrs+ logged in hemi-sync meditation at this time.
I entered my F21 session and at my energy conversion box, in which one deposits potential distractions to the meditation, I threw a pile of dry leaves into the box. How else do I represent this developing confusion. What in the world is happening to me? Part of me knows, but another part apprehends this as – impossible. It is… beyond belief.
There is a step in the preparatory process in which one creates an affirmation statement. The intent of this statement is to help one define the purpose of one’s session. It is also use to create guidelines regarding what or whom one is willing to encounter. Does that actually work? Initially I found it did for the most part, but over the years I’m not sure it actually does impose any sort of “magically” enforced constraint on the session.
In my affirmation I stated, “I need to connect my physical life to that which is the non-physical. This thing I’ve known throughout my life: I need to bridge this. I need to get past these doubts; to clear it away, yet all of this is completely crazy”! Per TMI’s suggested affirmation I appealed to everything wiser1 and more true than myself; that which is aligned with good purposes.
As soon as I finished my preparatory process, while still just in F10, Raphael appeared. He stood squarely in front of me, facing me directly. I’ve never encountered him like this before. He was so much more intense.
He looked at me directly and said, “I know all your pain and I know it better then you”. Then he took hold of me and began to drag me up and away with him. There was no waiting for the hemi-sync to progress through any focus-levels. Raphael just took me and we left, is how I would describe it. I don’t know how I knew but I understood we had a long way to go.
Raphael pulled me past all the narration focus-level mile-markers as if the focus-levels had no relevance at all. Then the entity called Friend appeared on our left. He also grabbed hold of me and pulled together with Raphael. Our trio went up and UP.
We were traveling much farther than Raphael had ever taken me before. Why are we going so far I wondered? Then I became dimly aware that some other ‘things’ were traveling along-side with us, but I couldn’t clearly identify what was tracking along.
In time, traveling this distance itself became an amazement. Where could we possibly be going I wondered. What does this distance mean? Wherever we were I could feel we were far beyond focus 21. We were somewhere else all together and then we leveled off; heading outward, again going farther and farther. This too went on for a very long time.
I was hopeful that maybe now I would finally be shown what’s the problem and what the truth is. I could feel in myself a desperate expectation, the need for a more complete explanation – but then I wondered – is this truly real?
Eventually we arrive at some blank state. We came to hover in darkness; whatever this is. Hover is not quite the right word though. It seemed more like we came to a new place to exist, in whatever plane of being this is. In this blankness I looked, waited, and I looked more; waiting for the answers to form for me.
After a few moments of seeing nothing I began to worry that after coming all this way nothing would happen. I was getting nothing at all in terms of impressions but I thought to myself, after coming all this way, there must be something here. And so I remained determined to wait, stay focused, and look deeper. Then there was a faint flash.
A dull image semi-emerged and some thought emerge with it. What is this? I couldn’t figure it out. I concentrated my attention but… what is this? It was about… What is this about?
And then as the image clarified I began to see. What am I seeing? My birth? I’m seeing my birth?! Nah that can’t be. But then I had to accepted I was seeing moments just after I was born. I saw the older fashion hospital room of that era. I saw my parents and I began to recognize something was wrong.
I realized my parents already had my two older sisters and that my parents were well into their own personal problems. I was not the first baby with its associated excitement and then I saw – I was shown – that from birth I was never loved.
My parents didn’t have the capacity. Things were already messed up for them. I saw they had a couple of warm moments with the new baby but when it came down to everyday living they didn’t love their baby. They had their own tragic problems.
I was shown my doubt, a fundamental doubt, was due to my lack of faith but that means in this case the persuasion that things will work out. This results from being loved and being taken care of. I was shown that since there was no fundamental sense of being loved since birth I did not trust – hence my doubt.
Next I was shown this was what my deceased aunt and uncle recognized. They lived just a block away and while they couldn’t have their own children they observed that my parents with all their problems were not raising their kids with love.
I saw all this – and I knew – it was true. I said to Raphael who was next to me, “Ok. There’s no big surprise here – I know this”, but then as happened several weeks ago, as loud as rock concert amplifier loudspeakers blasting through me and now accompanied by two ineffable massive entities emerging besides Raphael and Friend. The new arrivals said to me, “THEY – are NOT – your parents [Was I switched as a baby in the hospital?!].
I recoiled with an outburst, “WHAT”? The two new unknown forms of awareness continued, “WE are your parents.” “WHAT?!”, I demanded.
“We – are your true parents and we love you. You have always been – from Us. The Earthly parents could not provide our love and that’s why you’ve never had it. [But [to be clear]] WE – are your parents – and we love you”, They stated factually.
I was shown there were forces that sought to cut us off from each other and I understood why my decease uncle had recently said to me, “There are things that oppose purpose”.
Then these incomprehensible entities with massive presence, something in itself I could not understand said to me, “All this time there has been the struggle to reach through, but now you are here. You are home.”
I understood why Gabriel was so protective in a previous incident during a meeting with the Traveler2. I understood more clearly the purposes of Gabriel, Raphael, and the entity that calls itself Friend. Together these had worked to help me get back home (I understood there were others), to claim us. Then one of the formless entities stated, “We have brought you this far out so that others could not interfere with this communications [so you may know Us].”
I was completely overwhelmed – dumbstruck. How can this be? This is totally crazy! Yet, throughout my being I could not ignore… I could not ignore the fact that I actually did know this. It was true and I knew it.
The communications were strong, clear, an absolute clarity of knowing that which is far beyond anything I could possibly imagine. I understood the entity Friend had watched over this ‘nonphysical’ family line for ages.
I couldn’t help but wonder about my deceased friend DV. Was he here, or there, somewhere I thought? I fought the idea of introducing this stray thought but I hesitantly asked whether my friend DV was here? One of the two entities replied, “Yes. He is! And again, I was overwhelmed by the concepts.
I asked about the Traveler who I nicknamed Tattooine. They explain, “He is an outsider visiting this system. He is not part of this struggle on Earth”. This was all too much to absorb as I saw an ongoing conflict with oppositional shadow forces interfering with many others besides myself and the planet as a whole. I understood there were others that would be gathered as suddenly I saw the Earth. It appeared black as night and what appeared as tiny points of light leaving the dark planet in concert.
I was stunned, emotionally overloaded, incapacitated, and I decided to leave. Returning through the focus-levels was more like falling. Back in focus 12 the narration reminds the student to give thanks for their experience but at that moment I lost self-form and burst into a radiant light buzzing with power. I felt like – I was back to my true self again. I didn’t pay attention to phasing back to C1.
When I did return to C1 I was more collected but returning to my body took considerable effort; to recognize and reacquire this foreign Earthly form – this thing.
Once fully back I painfully realized – I’m back here [god damn it]! I did however remember why I came here.
For a time I continued feeling dumbstruck; exhausted. It was hard to face being back in this physical state – this place. I realized however, as if it was pressed into every part of my being, I actually do have a family I belong to and they are not of this plane.
This – is not my home.
- I add this footnote now more then 5 years later. In these years of traveling far beyond what I understood in 2014 I offer the reader this comment: Mankind in general does not understand what wisdom is. We have some romantic notions and it sounds nifty to add to an affirmation statement but adding it to an affirmation does not insure much for the TMI traveler who does not know what wisdom means to the Cosmos. I explored this issue in 2019-2020. ↩
- This refers to events for which the notes have not yet been posted. As an aside Gabriel also looks man-like which is not true for all the archangels I’ve met. The Traveler is an interesting entity from a globular cluster outside the Milky Way. I nick-name it Tatooine in my notes and encountered this character many times over an extended period. ↩