First week of December 2014 (At this time I had 57.5 hrs+ logged in hemi-sync)
I entered my F21 session and at my energy conversion box, in which one deposits potential distractions to the session, I threw a pile of dry leaves into the box. How else do I represent this developing confusion. What in the world is happening to me?! Part of me knows but another part recognizes this as impossible.
There is a step in the preparatory process in which one creates an affirmation statement. The intent of this statement is to help one define the purpose of one’s desired session. It is also use to create guidelines regarding what or whom one is willing to encounter. Does it really work? Well initially I found that it did – for the most part – but over the years I’m not sure that it does actually impose some magically enforced constraint.
In my affirmation I stated, “I need to connect my physical life to that, or this, which is the non-physical. This thing which I’ve known throughout my life, I need to bridge this. I need your help to get past these doubts and clear it away. This is all completely crazy! And oh, thanks for all your tolerance, patience, and forbearance with me”. Then per TMI’s suggested affirmation I appealed to everything wiser1 and more true than myself; that which is aligned with good purposes.
As soon as I wrapped up my preparatory process (still just in F10) immediately Raphael appeared standing squarely in front of me; facing me directly. I’ve never encountered him quite like this before; he was so much more intense.
He looked directly at me and said plainly, “I know all your pain and I know it better then you (since I have fortunately forgotten much with time)”. Then he took hold of me and began to lead, pulling me up with him. There was no waiting for hemi-sync to progress through any focus levels. Raphael just took me and we left, is how I would put it.
I don’t know how I knew but I understood we had a long way to go. Raphael pulled me past all the free-flow session’s narration mile-markers as I heard them vaguely in the distance, as if the focus levels had no relevance at all. Then the entity called Friend appeared on our left. He also grabbed hold of me and pulled together with Raphael.
Our group went up and UP. This went on for a long time. We were traveling much farther than Raphael had ever taken me before; this went on and on. I wondered where we could be going and became dimly aware that some other ‘things’ were traveling along side us but I couldn’t n clearly identify what was tracking along with us. In time, traveling this distance itself became amazing. Where could we possibly be going I wondered. What does this distance mean?
Wherever we were, I could feel we were far beyond the feeling of focus 21. We were somewhere else all together and then we leveled off, heading outward, again going farther and farther. This too went on for a very long time.
In my mind I was hopeful that maybe now I would finally be shown what the problem is and also what the truth is. I could feel in myself a desperate wanting, a need for a more complete explanation and then I also wondered – is this truly real?
Eventually we arrive at some blank state. We came to hover in darkness. Hover is not quite the right word though, it seemed more like we came to a place to exist.
In this void I looked, waited, and I looked more; waiting for the answers to start forming for me. After a few moments I began to worry that after coming all this way nothing would happen as I was getting nothing at all in terms of impressions but then I thought to myself there must be something here and so I remained determined to stay focused looking deeper.
Then there was a faint flash. A dull vague image semi-emerged and some sort of thought emerge with it. What is this? I couldn’t figure it out. I waited concentrating my attention, but – what is this?
It was about … What is this about? And then as the image clarified I began to see … What am I seeing? My birth? I’m seeing my birth?! Nah that can’t be, but then I had to accepted that I was seeing moments after I was just born.
I saw an older fashion hospital room of that era. I saw my parents and I began to recognize that something was wrong. I realized my parents already had my two older sisters and that my parents were well into their own personal problems. I was not the first baby with its associated excitement and then I saw… I was shown – that from birth I was never loved.
My parents didn’t have the capacity. Things were already very messed up for them. I saw they had a couple of warm moments with the new baby but when it came down to everyday living they did not love their baby. They had their own tragic problems.
I was shown my doubt, a fundamental doubt, was due to my lack of faith but that means in this case the persuasion that things will work out, which results from being loved and being taken care of. I was shown that since there was no fundamental sense of being loved since birth I did not trust – hence my doubt.
Next I was shown this was what my deceased aunt and uncle recognized. They lived just a block away and while they couldn’t have their own children they observed that my parents, with all their problems, were not raising their kids with love.
I saw all this – and I knew – it was true. Then I said to Raphael who was next to me, “Ok. There’s no big surprise here. I know this”, but then again as happened many weeks ago, as loud as rock concert amplifier loudspeakers blasting at and through me, suddenly two other hidden ineffable massive entities (similar to Elohim) emerged besides Raphael and Friend and they said to me – “THEY – are NOT – YOUR PARENTS”.
I recoiled with an outburst, “WHAT!”, and then the two new unknown forms of awareness continued, “WE are your parents.” “WHAT!?” I demanded. “We – are your true parents and we love you. You have always been – from Us. The Earthly parents could not provide our love and that’s why you’ve never had it. [But [to be clear]] We – are your parents – and we love you”, they stated factually.
I was shown how life in the physical realm cut off from proper love will not experience the true love it should know. I was also shown that there were forces that sought to do this; that sought to cut us off from each other and I understood why my decease uncle had recently said to me, “There are things that oppose purpose”.
Then these entities with an incomprehensible lack of form but massive presence, something in itself I could not understand or explained added, “All this time there has been the struggle to reach through, but now you are here. You are home.”
I suddenly understood why Gabriel was so protective in the previous incident during a meeting with the Traveler2. I understood more clearly the purposes of Gabriel, Raphael, and the entity that calls itself Friend. Together these had worked to help bring me (and I understood there were others) home – to claim us. Then one of the formless entities added, “You are the son of a god3. We have brought you this far out so that others could not interfere with this communications [so you may know Us].”
I was completely overwhelmed – just dumbstruck. How can this be? This is totally crazy! Yet, somehow throughout my being I could not ignore … I could not ignore the fact – that I actually did know this – that this was actually true. It was no imagination, no delusion – it was true. I knew it. I don’t know how. The communications were strong and clear; an absolute clarity of knowing that which is far beyond anything I could possibly imagine and I understood the entity Friend had watched over this ‘nonphysical’ family line for ages.
Then I wondered about my deceased friend ‘DV’. Was he here, or there, somewhere? I fought the idea of introducing this stray thought but I hesitantly asked whether my friend ‘DV’ was here? One of the two awareness forms replied, “Yes! He is! And again I was overwhelmed.
I asked about the Traveler who I nicknamed Tattooine and they explain, “He is an outsider visiting this system. He is not part of this struggle on Earth”. This was all too much to absorb as I saw an ongoing conflict with oppositional shadow forces interfering with many others besides myself and the planet as a whole.
I also understood there were others that would be gathered as suddenly I saw the Earth appear black as night and what appeared as tiny points of light leaving the dark planet in concert.
I was completely stunned, emotionally overloaded, incapacitated. Returning through the focus levels was more like falling. At focus 12 the narrator reminds the student to give thanks for their experience but at that moment I lost form and burst into a brilliant radiant light buzzing with power. I felt like – I was back to my true self again. I didn’t pay attention to phasing back to C1.
When I returned to C1 I was more collected but returning to my body took considerable effort, to recognize and reacquire this foreign Earthly form. When fully back in the physical I painfully realized – I’m back here (shit)!. I did however remember why I came here.
I continued to be dumbstruck, exhausted. I found it hard to face returning to this physical state – this place. I also realize as if it was pressed into every part of my being that I actually do have a family I belong to – and they are not of this plane. This is not my home.
- I add this footnote now more then 5 years later. In these years of traveling far beyond what I understood in 2014 I offer the reader my conclusion that mankind in general does not actually understand what wisdom is. We have some romanticized notions and it sounds nice to add to an affirmation statement but adding it to an affirmation does not insure much for the TMI traveler who doesn’t know what wisdom means to the Cosmos. I explored this issue in 2019-2020. ↩
- This refers to events for which the notes have not yet been posted. As an aside Gabriel also looks man-like which is not true for all archangels that I’ve met. The Traveler is an interesting entity from a globular cluster outside the Milky Way. I nick-name it Tatooine for my notes and encountered this character many times over an extended period. ↩
- The paternal source is one of the Ancients. The Ancients are introduced in: Collection: The Wise One and The Ancients. In general I categorize Elohim and Those higher as god-class beings. Whereas some of the Elohim have interests regarding Earth, generally the scope of the Ancient’s interests do not include Earth. ↩