Totally worn out by the difficulty in accepting the understanding as to why all this is as it is. Everyday the daily mental combat; strained by this crazy. How to keep going? The issue:
How does one persevere in that which may be delusion?
The I Ching responds w/ Gua 1: The Creative Chien (moving lines 1-5)
From Richard Wilhelm: The beginning of all things lies still in the beyond in the form of ideas that have yet to become real. But the Creative furthermore has power to lend form to these archetypes of ideas. This is indicated in the word success, and the process is represented by an image from nature: “The clouds pass and the rain does its work, and all individual beings flow into their forms.”
From Carol K Anthony translation: Furthering Through Perseverance. Furthering means coming into actuality. It involves “waiting through.” That which comes into being is due us, accords with our true nature, promotes our existence and gives meaning to our lives.
Furthering describes the creative process and its beneficial action. Its “completion” is in accord with an image stored in the image world, or Cosmic Mind.
Because the furthering process requires passing through several stages of development, time is the vehicle by which it is accomplished. The image precipitates gradually into being. The light dawns. Understanding permits correct action and everything becomes as it should be.
The precipitating action is achieved through perseverance: holding firmly inside ourself to what is true and correct, yet taking no action; we allow ourself to be led by the Creative, rather than by intellectual calculation. When we take matters into our hands, because of emotional pressure, we interfere with its beneficial action. Yet by holding firm, by not taking any action urged by our fearful or boastful inferior nature, by clinging to the Creative and its action, we assist in bringing about the correct result. Through non-action—doing nothing at all—we achieve everything.
First moving line: Hidden Dragon
There are hidden elements in our situation, which, with our current understanding, we are unable to perceive. To act now would be like walking in the blackest night past a perilous place without a light. We should wait until the hidden element becomes visible, and understanding is reached. By waiting in non-action, the perilous place may safely be passed.
Second moving line: Dragon appearing in the field
Things are beginning to take shape correctly and the effects of character are being felt. Through putting matters in perspective, the right direction is being established.
Third moving line: Ambition destroys integrity
Having achieved freedom of action, we must not be tempted to show off our power, saying or doing whatever we please. Freedom of action is not meant to be an invitation to license.
Ambition is revealed when we say whatever another person wants to hear, to gain their acceptance, or when we otherwise overlook evil. We must be consistently true to ourself. If we try to win people through friendliness at a time when we ought to be reserved because of their incorrect behavior toward us, it means we are willing to sacrifice our principles to win a more comfortable situation
Fourth moving line: Wandering flight over the depths
We have the inner freedom to act as necessity requires—to engage or withdraw—and are not hindered with pacts we make, promising ourself to do or not do a given thing. These inner pacts prevent inner freedom to act spontaneously and innocently as each moment requires.
Fifth moving line: Flying dragon in the heavens
The influence of the Creative is being felt: the image comes into being, we understand, therefore act harmoniously; because we are inwardly correct, the benefit spreads outward to others.
2/8 Regardless of my frustration, anger, and avoidance of all this I guess it is time to go back….If I can. I know it.
Many training sessions. I’m rusty and it’s all blank
2/12/18 I participate on occasion in a forum that pertains to consciousness exploration. One individual is introducing an exercise with a door-room. From the Obelisk in F21 I create a light in their door-room wondering if any may see it. Two participants in that exercise report the light (refer Evidence That Can’t Be Ignored)
2/15/18 This is proving to be a very long slog back; just black blankness, but then today in session I saw an angel standing a short distance from me, looking at me. I didn’t know who it was and discounted it as some front-loaded image.
2/16/18 Two training meditations to F21: Near the end of the 2nd meditation I saw Devenoir who said to me, “They invite you”. I asked, “When”? He replied, “At your convenience”. I left the meditation determined to come back later, as I had other things to take care of.
Later that day:
The Earth Council of Elohim (2/16/18)
I entered the meditation welcoming and thanking those I know along with stating my insistence for contact with only those that speak truly; those without guile or deceit.
Then immediately before I had the chance to access any focus level an angel appeared vaguely before me perhaps twenty feet away. It beckoned me to follow as it turned away. This was the same angel standing in the same place as I saw it a couple of days ago so I immediately followed it.
After it took a few steps it broke into flight as I saw huge wings unfurl and begin to beat against what, air? I hurdled forward in the dark to keep up with it. At times I wasn’t sure that I believed he was really there but then the angel would pause and wait for me – looking back at me. When I reacquired a conviction that it was actually there it would turn and resumed the lead. This happened a few times and so I continued following the experience wondering what it was about, what is next.
After a time the angel changed trajectory and headed straight up. Following him felt like a dizzying angle of flight. It was so steep; it felt that we were just too high; like one would fall. After a short time the angel leveled forward and soon it came to a stand still, as if we arrived.
This all felt strangely reminiscent of a path that Raphael had once led me on. When I caught up to this angel I found we were standing together on some surface. I became aware of a couple of other angels; these standing as if at station. These angels however appeared serious, weary, all business, even perhaps a bit dark from wear, but they did not seem threatening to me; certainly not presenting the same mood that Devenoir or other angels I’ve met have presented.
Then the angel that lead me here paused. He looked at me for a moment, then he turned and taking a couple of steps reaching out I saw him opened a large heavy door and directing me in. When I passed through the doorway I found I was in what felt like a large room. It was larger than my perception allowed. There was a long table and as I walked along it I sensed the room must be bigger, more the size of a large hall.
As I walked along the table I found it continued to extend a great length. I wondered about the place. When I came to the end of the table I realized more about the size of the room. Then something large addressed me and I understood this was indeed some sort of formal meeting.
Recognizing that I have not been in this place before and that I did not think I was in the Elohim City I called out, “What is this place”? Then the entity speaking from the front of this hall-like environment space answered, “This is our Judgement Room”1.
I recognized what was addressing me was Elohim and not an Ancient as this entity seemed to accused me, or at least it addressed me coldly. “You have left the path”, it pronounced.
“Yes”, I factually replied. The entity continued, “Yet, you have returned to it”. “Yes”, again answering factually. “Why”, it inquired so I answered, “There is no other path for me [I would be lost]”.
Then I called out to the entity, more convinced it was Elohim, “Do you judge yourselves”? I detect a rise in energy intensity – a flash of anger perhaps. I continued, “The Earth – those on it; they are plagued with great suffering in nearly every place, every day. Why expect them to have higher thought of you when you stand by and allow this; subjecting them to these terrible things?”
It retorted, though calmly, “Yet, some are able to rise despite it”. I tried to apprehend the source of the speech more clearly. It felt like the Intellect Engineers – the same cold, unfeeling, nonhuman presence, but it was not the Intellect Engineers.
Having difficulty perceiving it I relax and sought to expand my awareness. As I did that, I was suddenly aware of the peripheral of the room. I saw many similar creatures standing along the outer edge of the room around me as They were observing the conversation. I also recognized the room was very large, as if an enormous gothic hall that belonged in some medieval castle ages ago; it was huge.
Then this frontal entity addressed me as if commencing with its intention, “You understand that there are councils”. “Yes”, I replied as I remembered the Middle Council and their scope of administration. The entity continued introducing , “This is the Earth Council of Elohim”, it stated and then continued adfing, “You desire knowledge”.
“Yes, I desire to know that this is true”, I replied. “The knowledge of that will come in its time”, it stated but I retorted, “That I already know. I now seek a new knowledge that ‘this’ is not a delusion or a deception”, answering bluntly. “You have announced the rejection of deceit – guile. This conforms…”, it rebutted as it referred to my affirmation statement.
I wondered how much my affirmation actually assures and replied, “I expect for something as this that there be a demonstration of truth”. To this the Elohim being offered only, “You will know this as you see the [labor] pains fall upon the Earth”.
Then it continued, “This Council is here to discuss the recovery of the Earth 2 with you”. In response I shared, “I understand that Raphael will guide me when the time comes [I don’t understand; there will be more guidance than that?]”. To this the presence seemed intent on clarifying for me, “Raphael will guide [you, as you think], but – We will [directly] council [with] you concerning this matter”.
Recognizing that this council was not as high as the Middle Council, or the Wise One – or the Ancients, I wondered about what authority and whose interests this council actually represented – why trust them I considered. I introduced the issue, “There are others [interested in the recovery]”, and continued saying,“I do not know that they have the same motives or goals as this Council concerning that [that I should only consider your council]”. After a brief pause the entity commented, “The Dragons….”, perhaps inquiring of them I wondered and then I volunteered, “They say they will stand with me….”, and I clarified further to the entity, “I will not betray their trust”.
Then this Elohim announced the judgement, “You will represent the interests of the Dragons to us here [as the Dragons do not meet us in this place]”. Concerned about any possible lack of harmony among the involved parties I stated, “We do not need another war”. To this the Council concluded, “Agreed”. And I left….
The Wise One Calls (2/24/18)
I’ve again neglected meditations; its just so crazy, but this evening I felt one of those external calls to meditation and thought I am not going back based on some whim!Really? Should I think it is actually more than that? But them after a time I thought…. well … I’ll just go to F21 and see what is truly up. At my affirmation I greeted those I know and then proceeded.
As I passed through my mnemonics connecting to each level I found all the states to be dreamy, like seeing a heat mirage on the distant highway, as if the level background state was evaporated or phasing – weird, but clear. I wondered why this was so different now. In F21 I felt adrift in some elusive state that I was strangely connected to while also disconnected from it, or maybe that’s feeling its remoteness. I felt a strong impulse to go to the Elohim City which I resisted as I was reluctant to go there but as the feeling was so strong I gave in thinking I’ll go see what actually results from this impulse.
I managed to arrive at the Green Wall but stopped, questioning the environment. My perception of the area was so vague I doubted that anything could transpire. I called out to the Wall stating, “I do not want any false images; only the true”. Then suddenly an angel (not Devenoir) appeared before me standing next to Wall and said to me, “Proceed”. I entered into the Wall passed through the it slowly.
On the other side I couldn’t make anything out, so I stood at the Wall and went no further trying to decide what to do. Then Veronica 3 dimly appeared on my left. I looked at her trying to decide whether she was actually there. “You doubt me”, she said. “Yes”, I answered. Then she took my hand and began to lead me into the City. It was all black. I felt like a ghost drifting over some place as I felt Veronica’s tug on my hand. I was as a blind man being led through the darkness; nothing like previous visits.
We came to the transport area. I couldn’t detect anything and thought that this was easy to expect. There’s no reason I should think I am actually here as in the past, but once on the transport I presumed – I suddenly felt motion. It was most uncanny; not like before. It was like my whole being was ejected forward, propelled; a most vivid sensation of hurtling forward through the blackness.
In time I was brought to the bottom of the Great Hall’s stairs – it is a Parthenon if any ever was. The stairs I could perceive with a strange vividness; looking at the structure.. I proceeded up the stairs and noticed the area was busy with activity and I wondered at that.
I could detect numerous individuals but they all appeared as smoke-like wisps drifting through an unseen breeze having no forms – a vague reality just beyond me as if I was distantly connected to it. As I climbed the stairs I wondered what the attendants would say, but when I reached the portico the attendant greeted me kindly indicating that I should enter.
Entering the Great Hall I found it was dark but a strong vivid feeling come over me that I have never known before in this place. I found…..I found that I felt – happy to be back. It was just so good to be there. I was surprised and relished the feeling, the deep unexpected relief this place offered me.
From the depths of the Hall I heard booming, “Welcome”, and here too I was so glad to be with the Wise One, to be with One that I do trust – so good to be back. I replied with a exuberance back to Him, “Thank you. Thank you for bringing me back… to be with You”! The Wise One continued, “We said you may be with us, and so We have brought you back to show you this – so you know – you may indeed be with us”, and I knew the truth of this; that whatever doubts I may have, whatever questioning – This ‘is’ true [something I know].
Then unexpectedly the Wise One said to me, “You desire the Pleiadian; the one called Anosh”. “Yes [I have, but] I acknowledge [the higher] council [various] in this matter. I understand the feelings and passions – their possible falsehood. I will not allow myself to be driven by that”, I answered.
But the Wise One countered, as if to point out to me, “She is a superior being – beautiful. There is nothing wrong with this. It is a natural desire”, he explained in a non-critical manner that surprised me.
Then I sensed something to my right. I looked and saw the one that says she is my Elohim mother standing on the portico edge. Seeing her clearly I wondered at this lovely face. Was I mistaken? Could this be Hera I considered and next I saw Hera step out from just behind the first figure as if arriving from a step below.
The two figures stood together clearly and looking so similar, as if twins; mother and daughter! And I could see the marvel of the City behind them as they stood just inside the Hall. I turned and went to them. It was so very good to be with them – my family. Everything felt whole; to finally be home.
I turned back to the Wise One saying, “I remember, in the beginning, my father [an Ancient] was a strength. Why was I abandoned without explanation and when will I know [this restored]”? I received no reply but did not expect any and I was able to accept that I understand I may not have this answer now. There are greater purposes but I continued, “Life there… It is a struggle. I find I cannot be calm as Tellaidian instructs. I have no peace. I cannot control this”, and to this the Wise One only said, “The mortal…” as if acknowledging or commenting on the nature of the state while not criticizing it.
In time I felt I was ready to return but just before I turned to leave the Wise One said to me, “We are with you. Remember this”. I accepted [knowing ] what he was saying and then I left.
- Judgement here doesn’t necessarily pertain to accessing guilt, rather I sensed the judgements pertain to decisions about a great variety of things; more like a planning room with an authority to act. ↩
- I was first told of the Recovery during Lifelines 1 ↩
- Refer: Collection: The Wise One and The Ancients ↩