I’m totally worn out by this difficulty in accepting the understanding as to why all this is as it is. Everyday is mental combat; a daily strain of this crazy. How to push forward? What is my question: How does one persevere in that which may be delusion?
The I Ching responds w/ Gua 1 – The Creative Chien
(moving lines 1-5)
From Richard Wilhelm translation: The beginning of all things lies still in the beyond in the form of ideas that have yet to become real. But the Creative furthermore has power to lend form to these archetypes of ideas. This is indicated in the word success, and the process is represented by an image from nature: “The clouds pass and the rain does its work, and all individual beings flow into their forms.”
From Carol K Anthony translation: Furthering Through Perseverance. Furthering means coming into actuality. It involves “waiting through.” That which comes into being is due us, accords with our true nature, promotes our existence and gives meaning to our lives.
Furthering describes the creative process and its beneficial action. Its “completion” is in accord with an image stored in the image world, or Cosmic Mind.
Because the furthering process requires passing through several stages of development, time is the vehicle by which it is accomplished. The image precipitates gradually into being. The light dawns. Understanding permits correct action and everything becomes as it should be.
The precipitating action is achieved through perseverance: holding firmly inside ourself to what is true and correct, yet taking no action; we allow ourself to be led by the Creative, rather than by intellectual calculation. When we take matters into our hands, because of emotional pressure, we interfere with its beneficial action. Yet by holding firm, by not taking any action urged by our fearful or boastful inferior nature, by clinging to the Creative and its action, we assist in bringing about the correct result. Through non-action—doing nothing at all—we achieve everything.
First moving line: Hidden Dragon
There are hidden elements in our situation, which, with our current understanding, we are unable to perceive. To act now would be like walking in the blackest night past a perilous place without a light. We should wait until the hidden element becomes visible, and understanding is reached. By waiting in non-action, the perilous place may safely be passed.
Second moving line: Dragon appearing in the field
Things are beginning to take shape correctly and the effects of character are being felt. Through putting matters in perspective, the right direction is being established.
Third moving line: Ambition destroys integrity
Having achieved freedom of action, we must not be tempted to show off our power, saying or doing whatever we please. Freedom of action is not meant to be an invitation to license.
Ambition is revealed when we say whatever another person wants to hear, to gain their acceptance, or when we otherwise overlook evil. We must be consistently true to ourself. If we try to win people through friendliness at a time when we ought to be reserved because of their incorrect behavior toward us, it means we are willing to sacrifice our principles to win a more comfortable situation
Fourth moving line: Wandering flight over the depths
We have the inner freedom to act as necessity requires—to engage or withdraw—and are not hindered with pacts we make, promising ourself to do or not do a given thing. These inner pacts prevent inner freedom to act spontaneously and innocently as each moment requires.
Fifth moving line: Flying dragon in the heavens
The influence of the Creative is being felt: the image comes into being, we understand, therefore act harmoniously; because we are inwardly correct, the benefit spreads outward to others.
Regardless of my frustration, anger, and avoidance of all this, I guess it is time to go back, if, I can. At the moment this is something I know I should do. Yet many training sessions have passed. I’m rusty – it’s all blank.
I participate on occasion in a forum that pertains to consciousness exploration. One individual is introducing an exercise with a door-room. From the Obelisk in F21 I create a light in their door-room wondering if any may see it. Two participants in that exercise report the light (refer Evidence That Can’t Be Ignored)
… a very long slog back. It’s just black blankness, but today in my session I saw an angel standing a short distance from me. It stood there, looking at me. I discounted this as a front-load.
Today I did two training meditations to F21; near the end of the 2nd meditation I saw Devenoir.
He said to me, “They invite you”. I asked, “When”? He replied, “At your convenience”. I left the meditation determined to come back later as I had other things I needed to take care of.
Later that day:
The Earth Council of Elohim (2/16/18)
I entered this meditation welcoming and thanking those I know along with stating my insistence for only contacts with those that speak truly, those without guile or deceit.
Suddenly, before I had the chance to access any focus-level, an angel vaguely appeared before me perhaps twenty feet away. It beckoned me to follow as it turned away. I recognized this was the same angel, standing in the same place that I saw a couple of days ago. I immediately followed it.
After it took a few steps the angel broke into flight as I saw huge wings unfurl which began to beat against – what? Air? I raced forward into the darkness hurrying to keep up with it.
At times I wasn’t sure I believed it was really there, but then the angel would pause and wait for me, looking back at me. When I reacquired a conviction that the angel was actually there it would turn and resumed its lead. This happened a few times and so I continued following the experience wondering what this was about, what’s next.
After a time the angel changed trajectory and headed straight up. Following it felt like a dizzying angle of flight. It was so steep. It felt like we were just too high, like one would surely fall.
After a short time the angel leveled, heading forward, and soon it came to a stand still, as if we arrived. This all felt strangely reminiscent of a path that Raphael had once led me on.
When I caught up to the angel I found we were standing together on some surface. I became aware of a couple other angels, standing as if at station or guard.
These angels however appeared serious. Weary. All business; even perhaps a bit dark from wear, but they did not seem threatening to me. They certainly did not present the same mood as Devenoir or other angels I’ve met.
The angel that led me here paused and looked at me. Then it turned and taking a couple of steps it reached out, opening a very large heavy door. The angel directed me in.
I passed through the doorway and found I was in what felt like a large room. It was larger than my perceptions allowed.
There was a long table which I proceeded to walk along. As I walked I sensed the room must be bigger, more like the size of a large hall. As I walked along the table I found it continued to extend for a distance. I wondered about the place.
When I came to the end of the table I realized more about the size of the room. Then something large addressed me and I understood this was indeed going to be some sort of formal meeting.
Recognizing that I had not been in this place before and that I did not think I was in the Elohim City I called out, “What is this place”? The entity speaking from the front of this hall-like environment answered, “This is our Judgement Room”1.
I recognized what was addressing me was an Elohim and not an Ancient as this entity seemed to accused me, or at least it addressed me coldly saying. “You have left the path”, it pronounced.
“Yes”, I unapologetically replied. The entity continued, “Yet, you have returned to it”. “Yes”, again answering factually. “Why”, it inquired, so I answered, “There is no other path for me [I would be lost]”. Then I called out to the entity, more convinced it was Elohim, “Do you judge yourselves”?
I detected a rise in energy intensity, perhaps a flash of anger (?), as I continued saying, “The Earth – those on it: they are plagued with great suffering in nearly every place, every day. Why expect them to have higher thought of you when you stand by and allow this – subjecting them to these terrible things?”
It retorted, though calmly, “Yet – some are able to rise despite it”. I tried to apprehend the source of the speech more clearly. It felt like the Intellect Engineers – the same cold, unfeeling, nonhuman presence – but it was not the Intellect Engineers.
Having difficulty perceiving it I relax and sought to expand my awareness. As I did that I was suddenly aware of the periphery of the room. I saw many similar creatures standing along the inside of the hall’s outer wall, lining the whole hall’s perimeter as They were observing the conversation. I also recognized the room was very large, much larger than I thought, as if an enormous gothic hall that belonged in some medieval castle or church ages ago – huge. Then this frontal entity addressed me as if commencing with its intended meeting
“You understand there are councils”, it asked? “Yes”, I replied as I remembered the Middle Council and their scope of administration. The entity continued, “This is the Earth Council of Elohim”, it stated and it added, “You desire knowledge”.
“Yes, I desire to know that this is true”, I replied. “The knowledge of that will come in its time”, it stated. I retorted bluntly, “That I already know. I now seek a new knowledge – that this is not a delusion or a deception”.
“You have announced the rejection of deceit – guile. This conforms…”, it rebutted, referring to my affirmation statement.
I wondered how much my affirmation actually assures and replied, “I expect for something as this there be a demonstration of truth”. The Elohim answered, “You will know this as you see the [labor] pains fall upon the Earth”.
It continued, “This Council is here to discuss the recovery of the Earth 2 with you”. In response I shared, “I understand that Raphael will guide me when the time comes [I don’t understand, there will be more guidance than that?]”. To this the presence seemed intent on clarifying, “Raphael will guide [you, as you think], but – We will [directly] council [with] you concerning this matter”.
Recognizing this council was not as high as the Middle Council, or the Wise One, or the Ancients, I wondered what authority and whose interests this council actually represents. Why trust them I considered.
I introduced the issue, “There are others [interested in the recovery]”, and continued saying,“I do not know that they have the same motives or goals as this Council concerning that [that I should only consider your council]”.
After a pause the entity commented, “The Dragons”, perhaps inquiring of them. I wondered about that and volunteered, “They say they will stand with me”, and clarified further to the entity, “I will not betray their trust”. Finally this El announced the judgement:
“You will represent the interests of the Dragons to us here [as the Dragons do not meet us in this place]”. Concerned about any possible lack of harmony among the involved parties I stated, “We do not need another war”. To this the Council concluded, “Agreed”. And I left….
The Wise One Calls (2/24/18)
Again I’ve neglected meditations. It’s so overwhelming at times; it’s just hard to go back, but this evening I felt one of those external calls to meditation and thought, I am not going back based on some whim. Really?! Should I think this sense is actually more than that? But, after a time I thought – I’ll just go to F21 and see what this is truly about.
At my affirmation I greeted those I know and proceeded. As I passed through my mnemonics, connecting to each level, I found all the states to be dreamy. It was like seeing a heat mirage on the distant highway, as if the level’s background states were evaporating or phasing – weird, but clear. I wondered why this was so different.
In F21 I felt adrift in some elusive state that I was strangely connected to while also disconnected from; maybe that’s feeling its remoteness.
I felt a strong impulse to go to the Elohim City which I resisted as I was reluctant to go there, but as the feeling was so strong I gave in thinking I’ll go see what actually results from this impulse.
I managed to arrive at the Green Wall and stopped, questioning the environment. My perceptions of the area were vague. I doubted anything would transpire from this.
I called out to the Wall stating, “I do not want any false images, only the true”. Then suddenly an angel (not Devenoir) appeared before me, standing next to Wall on its left as it said to me, “Proceed”.
I entered the Wall, passing through it slowly. On the other side I couldn’t make anything out so I stood at the Wall and went no further, trying to decide what to do next. Then Veronica 3 appeared dimly, on my left. I looked at her trying to decide whether she was actually there. “You doubt me”, she said. “Yes”, I answered.
Then she took my hand and began to lead me into the City. It was all black. I felt like a ghost drifting over some place as I felt Veronica’s tug on my hand. I was as a blind man being led through the darkness. It was nothing like previous visits.
We came to the transport area. I couldn’t really detect it well and thought this was easy to expect. There’s no reason I should think I am actually here as in the past, but once on the transport, I presumed, I suddenly felt a strong motion.
It was most uncanny, not like before. It was like my whole being was jolted forward – propelled, a most vivid sensation of hurtling forward through the blackness.
In time I found myself at the bottom of the Great Hall’s staircases (F42/F49). It is a Parthenon if any ever was. I could perceive the stairs with a strange vividness. I was able to examine it’s structure. I proceeded up the stairs and noticed the area was busy with activity. I wondered at that.
I could detect numerous individuals but they all appeared as smoke-like wisps drifting through an unseen breeze having no form; a vague reality just beyond me as if I was distantly connected to it.
As I climbed the stairs I wondered what the attendants would say but when I reached the portico the attendant greeted me kindly indicating I should enter. Entering the Hall I found its interior was dark, but then a strong vivid feeling came over me, one I have never known before in this place.
I found… I found that I felt – I felt happy to be back. It was just so good to be there. I was surprised and relished the feeling, the deep unexpected relief I found this place offered me.
From the depths of the Hall a voice boomed, “Welcome”, and here too I found I was very glad to be with the Wise One; to be with One I do trust. It was so very good to be back.
I replied with exuberance saying, “Thank you! Thank you for bringing me back… to be with You”!
The Wise One responded, “We said you may be with Us, and so We have brought you back to show you this, so you know – you may indeed be with Us”. I knew the truth of this, that whatever doubts I may have, whatever questioning… This is true [something I know].
Then quite unexpectedly the Wise One said to me, “You desire the Pleiadian, the one called Anosh”. “Yes [I have, but] I acknowledge [the higher] council [various] in this matter. I understand the feelings and passions, their possible falsehood. I will not allow myself to be driven by that”, I answered.
But the Wise One countered, as if pointing out to me, “She is a superior being – beautiful. There is nothing wrong with this. It is a natural desire”, He explained in a non-critical manner that surprised me.
Suddenly I sensed something to my right. I looked and saw the Elohim that says she is my true mother. She was standing on the portico edge at the top of the stairs. Seeing her clearly I wondered at this lovely face. Was I mistaken? Could this be Hera I considered, and next I saw Hera stepping up from just behind the first figure, as if just arriving from the step below. The two figures stood together clearly, looking so similar, as if twins – mother and daughter.
I could see the marvel of the City behind them as they stood just inside the Hall. I turned and went to them. It was so very good to be with them – my family. Everything felt whole – to finally be home.
I turned back to the Wise One saying, “I remember, in the beginning my [Ancient] father was a strength. Why was I abandoned without explanation and when will I know [this restored]”?
I received no reply but did not expect any. I was able to accept, I understood, that I may not have this answer now. There are greater purposes.
I added, “Life there… It is a struggle. I find I cannot be calm as Tellaidian instructs. I have no peace. I cannot control this”.
To this the Wise One would only say, “The mortal…” as if acknowledging or commenting on the nature of the state while not criticizing it.
In time I felt I was ready to return but just before I turned to leave, the Wise One said to me, “We are with you. Remember this”. I accepted [knowing ] what He said and then I left.
The next collection is:The Illuminating Light (Mar 2018-April 2018)
- Judgement here doesn’t necessarily pertain to accessing guilt, rather I sensed the judgements pertain to decision-making about a great variety of things; more like a planning room with the authority to act. ↩
- I was first told of the Recovery during Lifelines 1 (Tuesday notes) ↩
- Refer: The Tower in the City of the Elohim ↩