At the time of these experiences I had been doing TMI’s Gateway CDs for about two months. I had not yet been to TMI for the Gateway course which is a prerequisite to other advanced TMI courses. When I was using the CDs things became quite prolific for me once I had been getting through focus 12 for awhile. Of course when I got to focus 21 things took on an even greater proportion.
Something I should or maybe I shouldn’t say is don’t run out and buy the Gateway CDs based on reading my experiences. This is an extremely rare thing for someone to immediately start having mind-blowing experiences or any experiences with the CDs prior to having gone to TMI for Gateway.
As I wrote earlier I had met my deceased aunt and uncle in F21. My uncle continued to be helpful in my adjustment to this new state and the new weirdness. Another peculiar story set of experience was the encounter with who I call the Traveler; a creature that represents a culture who’s sole method of growth and learning is derived from traveling through the galaxy meeting others and sharing that back with their own kind. The Traveler, who I nick-named Tatooine, stayed with me a long time following me through my experiences and that is another story I have not written about. He is from one of the globular clusters that orbit outside our galaxy but I don’t know specifically which one since there are many.
Likely the most important figure that entered my life at the time of these notes is who I nick-named the Gatekeeper. I’m not going to rewrite all the notes about him but rather I will be providing the main highlights of our contacts so one understands him.
A bit of background: In focus 21 many people talk about bridges and some sort of divide between here and there. This general notion I learned while at TMI but that was after I learned of this in my own experiences. I encounter a chasm there, what I call the Abyssal Chasm and there was a bridge I encountered too. It’s hard to know or understand what these structures are and what the natures are of those that populate that state.
For myself there was one place near ‘the bridge’ I call it that was a common feature for me. It was a gravel area just to the side of the roadway entrance to the bridge, on our side of the chasm. When I would meet my uncle in this area it was just a patch of gravel lit by something like a single streetlight. Under this light was a park bench. This was the setting for the initial encounters with the Gatekeeper who is like a father to me.
To remind the reader TMI has a methodology to training their ‘out-of-body’ techniques, if one insists on calling it that. There is a ‘preparatory process’; the initial process for getting into ‘state’. One task during that process is called the affirmation in which one states one’s intention for the respective session. At first one memorizes a TMI affirmation developed by Bob Monroe, but one does quickly learn to modify that.
The Meeting of the Gatekeeper
November 30th, 2014
At the affirmation I express my desire to resolve this recent doubt; what ‘are’ these realities and are they actually true. I hardly got into F10 when suddenly I became aware of many figures around me as if surrounded by an audience. It appeared they were all winged and then I recognized they were angels. As nothing was communicated I proceed to the focus 12 and waited for the narration to start the translation to F21. Here I continued to be aware of the wing creatures.
Due to my own disbelief in the images I tried to scrub them from my mind, to get back to my baseline, but in this case I could not eliminate the appearance and presence of these creatures. In the CD track Bob narrates a slow migration from F12 through F15 to F21. As I progressed in training this transition began to feel more like flying1. This was also long before I learn to memorize these states with encoded mnemonics for moving between them and so I followed Bob’s migration carefully. So when I would arrived in F21 it felt like landing and then I would walk into an illuminated circle of light under the Lamppost. In my notes I often refer to this locale simply as ‘The Lamppost’.
In this particular story when I got to the Lamppost I again saw my uncle and convey my frustration about this issue of doubt or more accurately continue to express doubt about my imagination’s own possible effects here. After-all, how can any of this actually be real?
After this brief encounter I proceed to work on my “intention targets”2. When I was done with that I turned my attention back to the lit arena and noticed or realized that both Raphael and Gabriel were standing at the edge of the lit circle of light cast down from the lamppost. They were standing opposite from me, facing me.
Then suddenly more winged beings began to gather and congregated about the area – looking at me; more than a dozen creatures standing along side Raphael and Gabriel facing me. After a moment of considering them I apologize about my problem – questioning their reality. They said nothing but then an old man who was in the background, standing behind the group of gather angelics pressed forward between Gabriel and Raphael. He walked toward me dressed in white – appearing human.
He crossed the circle of illuminated gravel and walked up to me. When we were face to face he placed his hand on me, though I do not know what he was doing or conveying. He said nothing, only keeping his hand on me.
At that moment I tried to focus more purely on F21 itself without any images in my mind to reacquire my mental blank state to observe from, to get back to objective observation. I waited and watched trying to re-clarify that what was happening was indeed happening and then someone abruptly commanded me, “Do NOT limit your vision”. It was a very commanding tone, like a rebuke, and quite startling though I wasn’t sure who said that to me.
I continue pressing myself into F21 to root myself there as I found I was then becoming confused regarding what level I was actually in – where was I. There was a moment during which I found I was perceiving an abyss or the mind of something/someone without form but deep. I somehow recognize dimly or distantly this mind as if I knew it, but I did not receive a specific statement, image, or answer from whatever this was. But I felt it recognized and acknowledged my frustration and my desire for a “this world/that world” connection that could be confirmed; this understanding of this recognition by whatever consciousness stepped in was made clear to me, but that was all.
The narration interrupted and Bob’s exit process began, dragging me away from the group, back to C1. Later walking about my apartment I felt encouraged, energized, or strengthened. The questions still stuck in my mind, but now I found a resolve and an enthusiasm to push forward. Another clear aspect of the experience was that I saw the beauty or wonder in this challenge, tho it seems I always fail.
At this time I have about 56 hours of hemi-sync practice with the Gateway CDs.
During this interim time, not discussed in my notes, my struggles with believing the whole thing increased as clear as the experiences were. Though one may think they believe in archangels and angels, whatever… it was hard for me to accept that “I” would actually “meet” any.
To throw around Jewish historic names of archangels is one thing, but by this time I had met three – many times. How could this possibly be? Why would ‘“I” meet such entities even if they are real? As incredible as it is to actually meet one by this time I had met Raphael, Gabriel, and Michael – all amazing and then to also meet things more powerful than archangels; this is actually happening?
Saturday late afternoon December 6th, 2014
Focus 21 Session
I didn’t have a clear idea what I should pursue in this session. What was mostly on my mind were these nagging doubts about the impossible. Only recently have I been approaching these times, when nothing happens so to speak, as an opportunity to dwell on the idea of trusting during the hemi-sync session – since that seemed to be the lesson for the times. This was one of those sessions; expecting nothing to happen, to just contemplate trust.
At the energy conversion box (part of the preparatory process) I threw in some dry leaves to symbolize the doubts which I didn’t want to affect the session. Then I proceeded to focus 21. Arriving at the edge of the lamppost’s light. I took time to consolidate my focus. Then I saw the old man from the earlier session. He was dressed in long white garments familiar to me and he was sitting on something that reminded me of a park bench, so I sat down with him.
As I tried to visualize him more clearly it appeared he was Asian (Chinese); an old man with very long thin white hair and I thought he was partially bald. He also had a very long white beard. I recognized he was dressed in some long tunic or robe garments that looked like what one might expect during the Confucian era. His feet had something like sandals on I guessed as I couldn’t discern them completely.
I asked him about his appearance and he explained that I was correct in my perception, that he was from ancient China, but he had no notable historic name that I would know, and he did not provide one. He said he does use other forms of appearance, but I learned he preferred to retain his original appearance as on Earth at least with me.
We talked for a long time. I began to explain my problem with “not believing my own story” and that with everything that’s happened I seem to be stuck in that I keep returning to this mindset, now fearing that I myself could be an obstacle to things that might benefit others. He answered, “You already know this will take time”. We discussed much and I pondered what he was saying. Unfortunately I couldn’t bring back all the details of the conversation. I remember one thing when speaking of the strain of these doubts he said, “You need to learn to rest [in this knowledge]”.
I inquired further regarding who he was and he explained he is a gatekeeper, so to speak. At that time I noticed Raphael was standing near us so I asked, “Why does Raphael seem to be attending so frequently, though he is typically silent”? The old man explained, “It is because the two of you have a lot to do together in the future.” I was somewhat overwhelmed by all this and I found the gatekeeper gave me time to absorb these thoughts. I wondered about his purpose and immediately he responded, “I am here to insure that only the proper individuals have power”. I immediately understood why this was and then he interrupted my thinking and said, “This is why you are selected”.
As I was puzzling over what he just said he explained, “You have great power. You just don’t know it”. Then suddenly I had the image in mind of a person in some muscle-car, that knows how to drive, but doesn’t have the keys. The Gatekeeper again interupt my thinking to explained that I have learned the important lessons (which surprised me) and all that was left now are the keys. Then he said, “I have the keys and I am here to teach you [some things]”.
One think I asked was whether I should go to the Monroe Institute. He answered, “Yes. You should go. As you have already thought… to develop your skills”.
Then Kody (our family dog that I was very attached to) was there! He was so excited, a very young dog full of energy and happy to see me as the Gatekeeper commented, “As you already know, it was through his connection with you that gave him life here”.
The narration began the exit process. I bid the Gatekeeper and Raphael goodbye, thanking them for everything and exited.
Sunday Dec 7th, 2014
I went in search of the Gatekeeper wondering what lesson he might have for me. I also saw Kody the deceased family dog but for an unknown reason I was having a hard time maintaining focus and the perception of the locale’s composite image. I had this same problem last night. I also found that I had a hard time formulating my thoughts or questions for the Gatekeeper.
I do remember one thing he said, “You have a hard time letting go of your logic – the true and false… hard for you to simply perceive”. Then I saw him walking away and Kody running back with over the bridge that spans the Abyssal Chasm to the other side.
I stayed and tried to work on some intention targets, but I couldn’t manage the thoughts, images, or words. Given these difficulties I also left the area and headed back for the exit.
Sidebar Note: I’m not including here the many short encounters in recent weeks as often these are comprised of very brief conversations, affirmations, or thoughts.
At the affirmation I announce my desire to address this whole problem, so to speak. Then immediately after the affirmation before the hemi-sync kicked in I saw Raphael. I’ve become cautious with what I thought I saw but since I have not seen him in awhile I thought I should accept this. Then Raphael said to me, “We need to go…“.
I didn’t know what this meant as Raphael grabbed me by the shoulder and starting to dragging me off as he has in the past. Similar to the other trips with him we appeared to be intent on traveling for a long way. In the beginning of this session I really wasn’t expecting much but the farther Raphael took me the more I began to wonder about the scope of what might take place. Then the entity that referred to itself as Friend3 appeared and joined us also pulling me together with Raphael.
Then I either thought of it, or it was a reminder conveyed to me, that I could translate with them on my own, so the three of us continue to fly together in a direction that was to my upper left is all I can say. I flew between them; our trio heading out penetrating the darkness.
As has happened in the past we were well past the Lamppost area (F21) before the session hemi-sync and narration even got to that point. For a moment I wondered where we were going but all I could see was blackness. Soon I began to make out a faint image; something green hovering in the blackness. When we were closer I resolved one large tree though I felt there were more. In this small green clearing with that tree, still in the distance as we approached, I detected the Gatekeeper standing on the grass waiting. In time we converge on that location and joined him. As we arrive something explained that it was desired to have a new meeting place, but I didn’t understand why.
I open the conversation explaining my problem; that this is utterly fantastic and I need some authentication of this experience to demonstrate this it is not simply a fiction of my mind creating its own story. I also address some issues that have become clearer in my mind recently. The Gatekeeper seemed to accept this I understood 4and he said, “This will be addressed and is coming”. We spoke in detail about many things and the following are parts of the conversation that I can remember.
First, my concern that I would not remember all this was addressed by the Gatekeeper. He explained, “It is not as important that you mentally “remember” as it is important that the messages are imprinted on you”. Then the two entities that claim to be my true parents arrived; one too abstract to describe. I apologized to everyone that I am a rather ill-tempered mortal with many faults, but the Gatekeeper responded, “You are like a son to me…”.
This confused me as the two parents were present in some form. Then the Gatekeeper explained that he alone among our group (besides myself) has had a human’s life. The two entities, one Elohim, have been there to administrate parenthood to me as they are part of the Elohim’s whole purpose, but they do not have the same sense of emotions that we have. He explained that is why my experiences are important to them. So they acquire greater understanding of being human through me. (As an aside other Elohim have explained to me that there is greater affinity or bound among Elohim that have had human lives)
The Gatekeeper continued to explained, “Your experiences have taught you things that are needed for greater purpose as the Shepherds desire to address greater issues”. The Gatekeeper went on, “Your life was put through many difficulties and that these were used to help shape you”. At this point the Gatekeeper hugged me. Then Raphael, Friend, and my entity parents drew closer and as a group we stood together closely. There also seemed to then be a bright light far above us that was shining down on our small circle.
As the Gatekeeper, Raphael, and I drew close to each other the Gatekeeper explained, “Without the challenges you’ve had you would not have developed the empathy for the suffering of others as you have. This is what bonds you to Raphael and one reason why he is with you.
Then I gained a vague insight into the role of Friend tho he is nearly incomprehensible. I understood he watches over and protects some sort of etherial family line that exists outside Earth. Since I had the audience I brought up my friend who was dying of pancreatic cancer. The Gatekeeper responded, “We are aware of this; do not worry….There are many here waiting for him
Everything seemed to be very reassuring. I was also reminded to go to TMI, that my skills may developed. As we all stood together closely in our small huddle, I felt the warmness of feelings among us, that the Gatekeeper and I clearly felt and the others (non-human non-physicals) seemed to be apprehend in their own way and at this time I strongly feel the camaraderie/affiliation with Raphael. It was all very moving. Powerful.
February 22, 2015 (In January I went to TMI for Gateway so this notes follow my return)
I entered this session not knowing what to expect or pursue. My intention was to seek out an encounter with the Elohim5 in F21 as was suggested in recent contacts. After this session I didn’t understand what all these experiences were about and was quite upset. Here’s the story:
In recent weeks an angel has been appearing consistently in the focus 12 when I was preparing to go to F21. In this case when I was ready to go this angel accompanied me to F21. In time I caught a glint of the lamppost area’s imagery and focused there. I stopped just outside the lit area to allow my perceptions to consolidate. After a moment I entered the area and vaguely perceived the Gatekeeper seated on the bench waiting for me, so I went to sit down with him.
At times there were flashes of hideous threatening shapes lunging at me from the Gatekeeper. I got up from the bench. There were other negative aggressive images that reminded me of a recent attack in F21. Quickly I pulled out my energy bar 6 which again turned into a bright staff and I circumscribe a ring around myself that provided a cylindrical zone of isolation for me. There I stopped and wondered what was wrong. I did’t understand why was I called here to encounter this.
Then Raphael appeared and I saw him walk into the lit area under the Lamppost. His form was also distorted and he grabbed me to take off with him. He was quite distorted, but I thought – let’s leave7 Then Raphael, the angel that was with me, and myself flew straight up at high speed…launched upward into the blackness. After a bit I could make out Raphael and the angel slightly better and they looked free of any distortions. We traveled for awhile and I wondered where we were going.
Then I saw Raphael look back at me as he pointed ahead. I peered into the darkness not being able to see much, but eventually notice what looked like the green grassy place where we had all met before in a previous session. This image was like seeing a patch of green hovering in black space like a small island. When we were closer I perceived the Gatekeeper there waiting.
When we arrived I walked up to the Gatekeeper (who I’ve come to call grandfather at times) and gave him a hug. Raphael took up position to my right standing next to the Gatekeeper and then Ethereal (see: The Meeting of the Goddess Ethereal) appeared as she stood to my left also standing next to the Gatekeeper before me. Then I waited to find out why we were meeting.
Given the recent negative, dark, attacking aspects I asked whether the Lamppost area was contaminated as it appeared occupied by ‘other dark things’ consistently now in recent sessions. The Gatekeeper did not specifically say at this time but in other subsequent sessions I was warned about this issue.
As I struggled w/ perceiving the trio it all puzzled me. I use to see better than this. It was so vague I didn’t really understand why we were meeting. Then Raphael put his hand on my shoulder I guess to reassure me regarding the confusion. The contact felt good but I didn’t understand what the nature of our meeting was. When it was time to leave I noticed the angel had turned to leave and I turned to follow it back
Returning to focus 12 I noted the angel’s presence was more solid though it was still a bit vague, but solid enough for me. I wondered what would happen next and suddenly Raphael, the Gatekeeper, and Ethereal “seemed” to present again now in F12. I wondered why they were appearing here? We were just together in F21 though that was vague, but this was certainly clearer for me in F12.
Then they wished to discuss some matter but I couldn’t understand – what they meant. The Gatekeeper clarified and explained, “You are wounded too deeply”. I replied, “What are you talking about”? He continued, “You have been injured too many times, this does not heal quickly”. Now I was alarmed. This whole thing seemed wrong. “What exactly are you trying to say”? I demanded. “The reason it (this) is not easy is you’ve been wounded too deeply”, he continued.
Then I became angry saying, “You know, there have been far too many times I began to trust, and there was NO help. How am I supposed to learn to trust any of you after a life-time of this? It’s easy in some etheric imaginary space to say trust you, but I need something that will reach through into MY real world and show me that you all can back up your talk! Why is that so hard?!” And I became concerned that this was another form of attack – a lie. I wondered why would these entities appear and then be alarming me this way?
But the Gatekeeper continued as if trying to explain, “It is your feelings that are deeply injured. There is knowledge and feelings; they are not the same, the feelings are also what let you ‘know’. It will be hard for you, because the feelings are deeply injured it will take time for the healings to emerge truly8 Somehow it all began to make sense to me, yet I had no idea why this message was delivered to me in this manner, and why now. Even then, all I could say is, what are you saying to me?
The session narration was exiting, counting out to focus 10 and down. I felt myself being dragged back yet I stayed in focus 12 looking at them incredulously. I called back to them, “What are you telling me? What are you saying?!” But I receive no answer.
Monday. Focus 12
Today I was distressed to the point of being numb thinking about what happened yesterday so I used focus 12 to go talked with the Elohim about yesterday. I hoped they would explain. I made a general hale to all my friends that I needed two things: an explanation about what happened and whether I should go to TMI for LifeLine.
In the focus 12 warm-up before the narration even began I heard clearly, “We are here…” and I wondered, yet somehow I did know, that it was the Elohim. “We are here, and we are always here for [with] you…”, they announced as the weight of their increased. The narration was too distracting so I waited for that to finish.
Then I began to explain I needed to know what happened yesterday. Was that an attack? I don’t understand why the Gatekeeper was saying those things. What was that all about?! Then there was a long pause that concerned me because I thought the Elohim were just there and now it seemed they were gone.
Then they seemed to ask me to wait a moment and said, “We are discussing…” In that moment I understood that the Elohim (plural being) were discussing among themselves how best to reply – as an individual might stop to think about what to say is how I understood the Elohim discuss among themselves. Continuing they added, “We are debating…” and again I waited.
Then they said, “We wish to be clear in our explanation. You misunderstand the Gatekeeper. You are correct that there was an attack. You already realized today part of the explanation (which was true, I did) about your concerning questions. There is both knowing and feeling in understanding these matters. Your feelings have been injured that make some intuitions/notions more difficult. This you are healing but it will take time”. I clearly recognized in myself my extreme sensitivity and very strong reactions to certain pointed issues I have. Then they concluded, “We are available to you in your environment. You need only relax and be at peace and you may hear us as you do now. There is nothing you should fear”.
There was further clarification that I cannot recall at this writing. I was about to ask whether I should go to the Monroe Institute for this next course and before I could enunciate the thought they interrupted my thought, “YES, We do not wish to constrain you”.
I also tried to ask about the vision I’m acquiring, of other places, as in the woods the other night. They explained, “There are other places…” but I found I could not understand what they were saying but it seemed that didn’t matter as I felt so relieved by our discussion and by the sense of peace present with Them. It is however like a picture I’m beginning to see regarding how I should be.
133 hrs of hemi-sync
Monday 2/23/15 – Going to sleep…. These past weeks going to sleep I commonly can see in my dark bedroom, at night, with no lights on, and eye shades on. I can see myself as a very dark black void making out the outline of my arms (sometimes something like wisps of energy draping them). The room I perceive in shades of dark gray (sometimes a very faint element of very dark red, the blankets are black, etc. Often I see a light in my peripheral vision. Last night however, I was able to see my body glowing white through the flannel sheet, with quilt over that, and the green fleece blanket over that, plus the gray light blanket on top of all that.
The Gatekeeper notes continue in the Gatekeeper & Wizard collection
- About the time I started getting use to F27 my transitions became what I call ‘phasing’. I don’t consider anything I do anymore as OBEs. I think Bob use that expression too but TMI generally doesn’t use this term. To be fair they don’t use the term OBE either; neither do TMI students. I think this is to avoid creating boxes or connotations of what is happening. ↩
- Beginning to control physical reality from outside of it. ↩
- My friend B whose graduate education was in Philosophy once explained the name Friend was very significant in Dervish literature. ↩
- The Gatekeeper, as I nick-named him, is an Elohim that took a physical existence once on Earth ↩
- Note the current Elohim refer to the Elohim of our creation as the Ancient Elohim. ↩
- The energy bar is a tool developed in one Gateway CD lessons. People use this for various purposes. In the last attack I used the energy bar to circumscribe a safe zone around me in F21. ↩
- Raphael is pretty much the first ‘person’ I encountered during my Gateway CD explorations. Early on as he would commonly appear, grab me by the shoulder, and drag me off. I attribute my OBE skills if we must use that term as learned largely because of Raphael dragging me through them. ↩
- An image was allegorically provided: I saw a garden observing how all things grew over time. I understood that most all of us humans would like things fixed as if a switch was broken on a TV and after it’s replaced things just work. Here I recognized that solutions, even solutions to repairing or healing, emerge and develop over time like any plant in garden. ↩