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(8/8/2018)
This mediation took place a few nights ago. I wasn’t going to write anything down about it because the experience was just – so incredible. I can’t explain it. I was gone about 90 minutes to two hours. The next day following that I wasn’t sure what I thought about the contact.
I should explain I went into manual meditation only expecting to practice focus-level mnemonic switching. I was in F12 for awhile; don’t recall now what happened there but something directed me to go to F21 and work on my project at the Obelisk. I did that and then Those I Know were present. The contact was so highly abstract that I can only explained it in general terms; hard to describe the details.
At that time I was able to see more deeply into the nature of Their plural mind – to be with All that includes Them. It was a new understanding for me; that is, what It is, what They are.
I saw the continuity and completeness of All beyond that includes Those I Know. I recognized the absence of discrete division in whatever arena They exist. We had a general conversation that doesn’t come to mind at this time other then to welcome me with the usual, “You may be with us”, stuff.
I thought this was an introduction to the new phase but, who knows. I’ve found in recent days I am more calm and I understand what’s going on better.
At times in the encounter it was like .. I was with a Light – looking into it. I understood part of the anatomy of the Light in terms of a spectrum in non-phyiscal forms; apprehending how all Those I Know were present, residing in respective bandwidths or higher functions of purpose in which All resides.
When I left, it was as if I knew what was going on, but the next day I asked myself do I know that was true? I have been assured many times that when they actually speak I will know, and that has been true in the past I’ve found. So do I truly know – now? I don’t know. It’s hard to be sure as I am heavily front-loaded with this mythology. However, it did happen and it was – quite remarkable.
These signals are so faint, I just don’t know what to think of them most of the time. Why? Why removed my strength of perception? Why keep me on Earth only to besiege me with perceptions I can no longer confidently distinguish? I use to know what was a memory-load or a front-load, what was authentic. Now I just can’t tell what the truth is of these very faint signals.
August 18th
No luck with meditations at all. It is impossible to get thru; absolutely nothing.
Then yesterday I did a manual meditation to pursue calmness. In F21 I did called to Those I Know, calling to The Ones Who Say I May Turn to Them, and then I clearly and distinctly heard, “We are here”. I immediately recognized Them. I knew it was Them; recognizing that voice from decades ago (the EMA). Yet, all they said to me was, “Wait”. There was however, a strength in that very brief contact that I can’t ignore. It was clear.
I’ve been treating my C1 state as a meditation also; observing and critiquing every thought. I think I should focus on this. Then the other morning They were here, but we didn’t speak. Why?
Why am I being run in circles with this? Or is it that I’m just not able to accept the simplicity of this and go with it? That certainly seems to be part of it. None-the-less I just can’t accept this as factual; as if that capacity is missing in me. I see it. I recognized it. But ….
August 24th, 2018
The following is an experience I had a few nights ago. Again, I couldn’t make myself write it down at first. I don’t know if it’s habit that makes me think I should write it down now, but here it is:
A couple of days ago I was thinking about how I’d like to get back to the Fountain of Light (see The Illuminating Light (Mar 2018-April 2018)). I’d like to know more about what that is since it appears to be among the oldest things in the Universe. Getting there seemed like wishful thinking as in recent times I can’t get back anywhere at all, or what I encounter is so faint I just don’t know what to think of it. What should I to think of faint meditations that are burned into my memory?
Later that day I felt a presence push into this reality. I took some time trying to decide whether I believed it actually was a solid contact as this contact didn’t have the commanding strength as earlier visits with me C1. They said it would be like this, but is this one of those contacts?
I sat down for awhile unwilling to go into meditation unless I was certain about this; carefully examining the moment’s presentation; trying to decide what I thought. Then quite clearly something said to me, “You wish to know of the Light”? I decided then and there, I was going back.
In manual-meditation I proceeded through the levels without event that I recall. When I got to F21 I proceeded in the direction of the Green Wall but that too was faint. I continued, presuming I was where I thought I was, but when I got to the Green Wall I found it was white, as I previously encounter the City of Light in F42-F49. I wondered about that for a moment. I thought to utilize the F42 mnemonic I previously made at the (White) Wall for accessing F42 there, but then something commanded me saying, “ENTER”.
That was different. I have encountered many things in the past that have directed me but do so in a supportive manner. This was quite different. It was like being told what to do.
I passed through the Wall but detected nothing on the other side. I wondered what to do but then again something forcefully commanded me saying, “COME HERE“, and abruptly I found myself in the Great Hall, in the proximity of the Fountain of Light.
I could not see the Fountain; I seemed to know my location and I became aware of the group of goddess-like figures that I’ve seen here before; that are near The Fountain. I gave all my effort to determining that they were there and counted at least three or four, no at least four maybe a fifth. I settled on figuring there were certainly four, maybe five figures present there.
From previous visits I seemed to know they are associated with the Fountain but I know nothing else about these figures. These were the ones I greeted when Hera brought me here. I think they are subordinate to the One that first characterized herself to me as the Presence of the Light some weeks ago.
As I considered these individuals a figure approached on my right and I was conflicted looking at her. I didn’t know whether this approaching figure was the Presence but this goddess-like creature had a similar clear and commanding presence as The Presence and seemed superior to the others..
With what felt as a forceful voice she said to me, “COME WITH ME”, as she turned and walked away into the darkness. I followed. She was a couple of steps ahead of me. Then I saw her step into The Fountain and I continued to follow.
Once inside I saw she was waiting for me to enter. She turned resuming her walk ahead of me into darkness. I could apprehend nothing at all except this figure leading me. As she led the way I found the environment changed in an indescribable manner. It seemed we were walking deeper – into nothing – is how I would put it.
She continued Her lead and I followed her as we went deeper and deeper into what – into non-existence? It reminded me very much of a couple times with Tellaidian, when he would lead me into some strange abstracted space where it felt like we were nowhere; like there was nothing else, as if any existence of things didn’t matter at all wherever we were.
We eventually came to a standstill and I wondered what it was I was suppose to perceive since I was apprehended absolutely nothing. I inquire of this figure, “Why are we here”? In a curt voice she retorted, “Your lesson”, and then she disappeared.
I continued trying to apprehend where in the world I was or what state this is but I apprehended nothing, no place, no feeling, no thought, no presence of any kind. I struggled for quite awhile with this lack of context or lack of existence; trying to detect anything.
After a time I called out to anything that might be present saying, “I don’t understand. I apprehend nothing. I apprehend nothing at all”, and then this commanding figure suddenly appeared in front of me on my 11 o’clock and She said to me in a forceful blunt command, “LOOK AT ME”!
I turned all my attention on Her; concentrating all my focus and suddenly I found I was looking through a part of my mind I have never looked through before. In all my encounters or travels I have never seen like this. Such narrow focus, yet still I could only barely detect her. I became acutely aware of this distinct shift, through this newly found part of my mind. The difference was clear to me but there was still more of nothing. I wondered at this as I looked at Her through a tight tunnel vision of my mind.
What am I suppose to learn from this I considered? I struggled longer trying to apprehend her, not knowing clearly anything about who or what she was, and I still was not able to apprehend anything about this place. I struggled a long time. And then I decided …. I can’t go on with this. I don’t understand. What is this for? What am I suppose to understand? Why? What is it like this? Why am I here?
In this abyss I remembered the last time I tried to penetrate the meaning of this place; where the Presence of the Light told me I should turn to for my answers. It was like this then – impenetrable. How do I turn to this for answers?
After that – I had enough. I just can’t do this anymore. I decided to leave. If no one will tell me the meaning of this or if this place will reveals nothing of its nature at all then I am leaving. Is there any meaning to this or is it delusion? I turned away and left proceeding with an orderly exit.
Later when I was back in C1 I wondered if the lesson was to access that new compartment of my mind, but I don’t know. Who knows? Afterwards I was discouraged for a few days with the whole thing. The I Ching was right: a rising dark line. What is the point of this?
The weird thing is … after that, I began to understand I think – what it is. It is so impossible to grasp, yet I think I understand part of it now.
(40 minutes)
Sept 5th, 2018
I’ve become more determined to plow through this while not expecting any communication. I find I am more calm, more focused, more centered. I don’t know why this is other than in some sense, I’ve chosen to be so.
Sept 15th, 2018
How many meditation attempts now and again They’ve all gone nowhere. Nothing; no contact at all. I am so tired.
Now I’m even sick and tired of C1. All the damn noise and confusion in this fucking world; the petty trivial tasks of daily life, the empty petty useless thoughts, but at least I find deep calm and tranquility in my large stones.
Sept 18, 2018 Learning to Trust
Long manual-meditation session … with Them. Later it dawned on me what the place of the Light is. The next time I can get back I have to stay. I am so rash.
October: During these weeks I continue to have insight into what the Light is. It’s like, I understand, but why is it I can’t get back? Then Devenoir was here!