The Anatomy of the Light (8/8/2018)
This mediation took place a few nights ago. I wasn’t going to write anything down cuz the experience was just too incredible. I can’t explain it. I was gone something like 90 minutes to two hours. The next day I wasn’t sure what I thought about the contact.
Today I should explain that I went in manual meditation expecting to practice focus level mnemonic switching. I was in F12 for awhile; don’t recall now what happened there but something directed/reminded/inspired me to go to F21 and work on my project at the Obelisk. I did that and then Those I Know were present.
It was very abstract. I can only explained it in general terms: I was able to see more into the nature of their plural mind – to be with All; beginning to understand them, what it is or what They are. I saw the completeness and continuity of All; recognizing the absence of discrete division. We had a general conversation that doesn’t come to mind at this time other then to welcome me with the usual, “You may be with us” stuff.
This seemed to be an introduction to the new phase i’m in (who knows). I’ve found in recent days that I am much calmer and I understand what’s going on better. At times seeing into Them was like… I was with a Light, looking into it; as if I could understand the anatomy of the Light in terms of a spectrum in non-phyiscal forms, apprehending how all Those I Know were present residing in respective bandwidths or higher functions of purpose that all These reside in.
When I left … it was as if I knew what was going on but the next day I asked myself, do I ‘know’ that was ‘true’? I have been assured many times that when they actually speak I ‘will’ know. So did I truly know? I don’t know; maybe not enough that I am completely dissuaded that it may not yet be just a delusion; imaginative thinking – I am so heavily front loaded with this mythology.
The signals are so faint, I just don’t know what to think of them. Why? Why removed my strength of perception to keep me on Earth only to besiege me with perceptions I can no longer know that I am discerning? I use to know what was a memory-load, what a front-load was, what was authentic. Now I can’t tell what the truth is of these faint signals.
No luck with any meditations at all. It is impossible to get thru; absolutely nothing. Then yesterday I did a manual meditation to pursue calmness. In F21 I did called to Those I Know, calling to The Ones Who Say I May Turn to Then and I clearly and distinctly heard….”We are here”. I immediately recognized Them. I knew it was Them, recognizing that voice from decades ago (the EMA). “Wait”, was all they said. There was a strength in the brief contact that I can’t ignore.
I’ve been treating my C1 state as a meditation; observing and critiquing every thought I have. I think this is what I should focus on. Then the other morning They were here, but we didn’t speak. Why? Why am I being run in circles with this?
August 24th, 2018
The following is an experience I had a few nights ago that I couldn’t make myself write at first. I don’t know if it’s habit that makes me think I should write it down now, but here it is:
A couple of days ago I was thinking about how I’d like to get back to the Fountain of Light. I’d like to know more about what that ‘is’ since it is among the oldest things in the Universe but this seems like wishful thinking as in recent times I can’t get back anywhere at all, or what I encounter is so faint that I don’t know what to think of it. On the other hand there have been so many meditations that yield absolutely nothing that the faint ones seem to have some compelling message or substance on their part – if only I could believe them given how faint they are. They are just so faint, yet they are burned into my memory. And what should I think about that?
Later that day I felt a presence push into this reality. I took some time trying to decide whether I believed it actually was a solid contact as this contact didn’t have the commanding strength as earlier visits in C1. ‘They’ said it would be like this, but is this one of those contacts? I sat down for awhile unwilling to go into meditation unless I was certain about this contact; examining the moment’s presentation, trying to decide what I thought. Then quite clearly They said, “You wish to know of the Light”? I decided then and there that I would go and see where this would lead.
In manual-meditation I proceeded through the levels without event that can I recall. When I got to F21 I proceeded in the direction of the Green Wall but it was all very faint. I continued, presuming I was where I thought I was, but when I got to the Green Wall I found it was white, as has previously been encounter at the City of Light is in F42. I wondered about that for a moment and as I thought to utilize the F42 mnemonic I previously made at the Wall something strongly commanded me saying, “ENTER”. That was different. I have encounter things that have ‘directed’ me but do so in a supportive guiding manner. This was quite different; like being ‘told’ what to do.
When I passed through the Wall there was nothing detectible on the other side – nothing at all. I wondered what to do but then something again forcefully commanded me saying, “Come Here”, and I was suddenly aware of the region of the Great Hall where the Fountain of Light is located and then abruptly and suddenly I found myself in the Great Hall in the proximity of The Fountain.
I could not ‘see’ the Fountain but I seemed to know my location and I became aware of the group of goddess-like figures I have seen there before. I gave all my effort to determining that they were there and counted at least three or four, no at least four maybe a fifth. I settled on figuring there were certainly four, maybe five figures there. I seem to know they are associated with the Fountain from previous visits but I know nothing else about them those figures. These were the ones I greeted when Hera brought me here. I think they are subordinate to the one that first presented itself as the ‘Presence of the Light’ to me many weeks ago.
As I considered these individuals a figure approached on my right and I was conflicted. I did not think this approaching figure was the Presence but this goddess-like creature had a clear commanding presence. Then she said to me in a forceful voice, “COME WITH ME” as she turned and walked away into the darkness. I followed. She was a couple of steps ahead of me.
Then I saw her step into the Fountain and I followed. Once inside I saw she waited for me to enter and then she turned resuming her walk ahead of me into the darkness. I could apprehend nothing at all except this figure leading me.
As she walked the environment changed in an indescribable manner. I felt we were walking deeper into nothing. She continued to lead and I continued to follow as whatever space we were in continued to evolved into a deeper and deeper nothing – like walking into non-existence. It reminded me very much of a couple times with Tellaidian, when he would lead me into some strange abstracted space where it felt like we were nowhere; like there was nothing else – as if the existence of things didn’t matter at all.
We eventually came to a standstill and I wondered what it was I was suppose to perceive as I felt I apprehend absolutely nothing. I inquire of this figure, “Why are we here”? In a curt voice she retorted, “Your LESSON”, and then she disappeared. I continued to try to apprehend where in the world I was, or what state this is, but I apprehended nothing – no place, no feeling, no thought, no presence of any kind. I struggled for quite awhile with this lack of context or lack or existence; trying to detect anything.
Then I called out to anything that might be present listening, “I don’t understand. I apprehend nothing. I apprehend nothing at all”, and the commanding figure suddenly appeared directly in front of me on my 11 o’clock and she said to me in a forceful blunt command, “LOOK AT ME”. I turned all my attention on her, concentrating all my focus and suddenly I found I was looking through a part of my mind I have never looked through before in any of my encounters or travels. Such narrow focus, yet still I could only barely detect her. I became acutely aware of this distinct shift, the different place I was viewing through in my mind. This difference was clear to me but there was still more of nothing. I pondered this as I looked at her through a tight tunnel vision of some new part of my mind.
What am I suppose to learn from this I considered. I struggled longer trying to apprehend her – not knowing anything about who or what she was – still not able to apprehend anything about this place.
I struggled a long time and then I decided…. I cannot go on with this. Why? What is this for? I remembered the last time I tried to penetrate the meaning of this place. This is the place the Presence told me that I should turn to for my answers. It was like this then; impenetrable. How do I turn to this for answers?
After that, I had enough. I can’t do it and I decided to leave. If no one will tell me the meaning of this or if this place reveals nothing of its nature at all then I am leaving I decided. Is there any meaning to this or is it delusion? So I turned and left proceeding with an orderly exit.
Later back in C1 I wondered if the lesson was to access that new compartment of my mind but I don’t know. Who knows? Afterward I was discouraged for a few days with the whole thing. The I Ching was right: a rising dark line. What is the point of this?
The weird thing is, after that… I began to understand I think – what it is. It is so impossible to grasp, but I think I understand a bit
Sept 5th, 2018
I’ve become more determined to plow through this while not expecting any communication. I find I am more calm, more focus and centered and I don’t know why, other than in some sense I’ve chosen to be so.
Sept 15th, 2018
How many meditation attempts now? They’ve all gone nowhere. Nothing; no contact at all. I’m so tired. If they don’t want to clarify this, fine; I quit. I’m even sick and tired of C1. All the damn noise and confusion in this fucking world; the petty trivial tasks of daily life, the empty petty useless thoughts, but at least there is deep calm and rest in my large crystals.
I’m beginning to recognize what trust is, or what it means… to ‘Them’
Sept 18, 2018 Learning to Trust
Long manual-meditation session … with Them. Later it dawned on me what the place of the Light is. The next time I can get back I have to stay…there. I am so rash.
October: During the weeks I continue to have insight into what the Light ‘is’. It’s like, I just understand now, but why is it that I can’t get back at all now? Then Devenoir was here!