The Dead


By mid-November 2014 I had completed all six Waves sets that comprise the whole Gateway Voyage CD program. The sixth set introduces the student to focus level 21. What focus 21 may be is the limit of a living human’s supra-consciousness capably in general. I think that is a suitably vague yet a descriptive enough explanation for F21 for the moment.

Resuming the story, I remember reading somewhere that Bob Monroe said most all visitors to the Gateway Voyage course have some sort of profound experience in Wave 5 or 61. When I started working in focus 21 I found that it did have another distinct sense to it but that too was elusive.

At first focus 21 produced nothing at all for me. In general, other than focus 10 and 12, I found that it was hard to know what state I was in and unfortunately it again seemed like nothing was happening at all in the F21 environment.

Then on November 15th I was getting ready to repeat one of the free flow focus 21 tracks (previously sessions were mostly failures at this time) but this session was immediately interrupted with the appearance of Raphael. I had not seen him for awhile. Again he stood directly in front of me, quite close – face to face – and he said to me, “We got work to do….”.

In general I am cautiously mindful to not add or created any imaginative structures2 in these experiences and so I benignly register what Raphael said, intending to not read into what he said nor pursue a meaning of what he meant.  After he said that the narration happened to be progressing from focus 12 to 21 in the background and at that time I became aware that a number of ‘entities’ (I have no idea what they were) were gathering around and behind me.

A moment later many more of these things arrived and they appeared to be gathering behind me to lift or push or something and when they did I found myself accelerating forward through what seemed to be focus levels.  In a short time we arrived at what I thought was focus 21 and then we stopped and waited.

At that time in this particular track the narration explains that there are loving individuals from the “other side” that have an interest in meeting and or helping one. Since I had been working with this track for awhile and nothing had previously happened I thought to myself, “Ok, sure – let’s see who’s there”.  So I called out a hello. Nothing. I decided that I should give it more effort and I called out again and then – there was my decease aunt and uncle.

I was absolutely astonished! They were so happy to see me! I was just utterly amazed. My aunt and uncle lived about one block away from where I grew up. They did not have kids of their own and so they adopted two girls. I recalled my uncle always took a particular interest in me – in my uncle’s own “nurturing” way – so seeing them slowly began to make sense to me.

Face to face with my aunt and uncle I noted my recently deceased mother was not there which was fine with me. My aunt and uncle acknowledged that. I asked where my dad was and they had a more serious note (to be explained later in my late November note)3.  But being together with my aunt and uncle was just – unexplainable joy – to meet them after all this time. I can’t describe the magnitude of this amazing and powerful experience. Next I understood my uncle had been waiting all this time since he had passed, to see me come across to the other side. Apparently I’m early.

Then Raphael, who was still there, advanced to be the central figure. I understood he wanted to take me somewhere else. He turned to face me extending both his arms and so I took both his arms, forearm-to-forearm, and he began to pull me upward.

Again this was like the near sickening pulls I had experienced with him in focus 15 but after some moments I felt a bit better with the transition; it felt smoother or I was getting use to it.

As Raphael was pulling me higher he would periodically look at me as if to check on how I was doing. At one point the feeling became very intense. The rate he was pulling was all I could take and when he checked me I called out to him to just go for it, that I’d hang on somehow to whatever this phenomena was. I was however, at my limit which is hard to explain outside the our physical notions.

Eventually we got to … to where? A state? A place? I have no idea what or where it was that Raphael had brought me to. We stopped and just stayed wherever we were for awhile.

Then the narrator interrupted that it was time to exit, the hemi-sync dragging me back. I had a sense of descending and in time we came back to the place where my aunt and uncle were waiting.

There were so happy! In my whole life I had never had anyone that truly cared about me as far as I could tell; most clearly care about themselves revealing their true self-interests eventually and so it was quite moving to see how they felt about me; that they were there; that there was someone that really did cared.

As Raphael and I were leaving I found I had actually begun to cry and why would I cry at that time? Well it was because I had never in my life seen anyone who was so utterly joyful; never seen anything like this. It was completely overwhelming – to see it.

In this CD track one is talk back down – back to normal consciousness (called C1 in TMI speak) – by the narration. It can be quite annoying as it is sometimes a very long count down. In this case however, I found that it was very hard to come back. It was difficult to get down to focus 12 as I needed to make a real effort to detach myself from that environment or whatever that place beyond is, and so at this time the narrator’s counts down was very handy.

Overall it was a very profound experience that in a way took some time to recover from; the emotional shock. The above hardly describes it adequately at all. There is just no way to describe it to someone who has not been beyond.

  1. As an aside when I took the Gateway course at TMI there were about 25 people in the course. It took a few days before folks began to have their ‘experiences’. I don’t know what transpired for the students after the course but I believe only three or four did not have ‘Big Wow’ or other transforming experiences. Two of that four began to feel something by the end of the course that they couldn’t identify it. So it appears most people are experiencing something after having spent some time in focus 12. 
  2. Some certainly will disagree with me about this but there is something I have heard referred to as, ‘priming the pump’ among TMIers. Priming the pump is intentionally creating an imaginative scene to get an experience going. But what I do is watch my mind watching the… nothing – the blank slate I call it. Here I scrutinize whatever presents to discern whether it is a memory loading, a stray imagination embarking, a self deception, an authentic image, awarenesses, feeling awareness, and so on. 
  3. I come from a broken violent home. My father was a WWII shell-shocked epileptic alcoholic and my mother was, well … my dad called her a battle-axe and that was a fair description in my experience. My father shot himself through the head in our home when I was 13 years old but survived enough to vegetate in a VA institution. That grim early AM night my mother was fearful my dad actually might make good on his promise – he’s worth more dead then alive so she called my uncle. He came over to try and calm my dad down and eventually they struggled over the gun. In part my father’s suicide attempt was an accident and this story wasn’t revealed until after my aunt and uncle passed away decades. My dad died when I was 18 years old and thank goodness that was over. One guy from my neighborhood I grew up with, he was shot to death in a White Castle drive-thru. Another guy I grew up with in grade school, his younger brother (one year younger then us) was shot to death by one of our high-school teachers as they met at a phone booth. A guy I grew up with since grade school (we drove our bikes together) was killed with his passenger in a motorcycle accident doing about 105 mph on a side-street. Yet another guy I knew who lived half a block away lost his arm in a car wreck; his sister was in school with me. A biker associate of mine was killed on his chopper run off the road by a semi. My adult neighbor and his buddy wouldn’t leave a biker-bar when they should have and The Outlaws beat his buddy nearly to death. He live the next street over from me and he didn’t know who he was anymore after that. All that in just a 5 block radius of where I grew up. In case you’re wondering, I’m white.